


The hunter and his prey

by cas_desespere



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:29:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 77,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4132423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cas_desespere/pseuds/cas_desespere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeff is Jared's abusive husband. When Jared escapes him, Jeff sends Jensen, a bounty hunter, after Jared. Only Jensen finds Jared a little too irresistible and without telling Jared of his contract with Jeff, starts a slow tentative relationship with him. Jeff comes after both of them</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the spur of the moment

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Not mine, no money made.
> 
> This is a repost of a story I wrote 2008 on a prompt from unrequieted666 at Bottom!Sammy LJ community. I post here because I logged my LJ, but want everyone to be able to read the story nonetheless. Thanks for your interest and sorry if my English is a little rusty. The Story is betaed.

Jared stared in the bathroom mirror. It was early morning, and his whole body once again felt sore, and was bruised and battered. That wasn’t the problem this time? He was accustomed to these aches. JD had made sure of that.

The problem was the big bruise on his face, dark purple and blue, around his left eye. The eye was almost swollen closed. That too wasn’t the first time, but it told Jared a truth he had tried to ignore for three years now: JD would never give him a chance to live even a little bit of the life he’d imagined after college. 

He couldn’t go to work like this. For the first time, he had found something he really wanted to do. The job as a preschool teacher was simply wonderful. He loved working with the children, and was almost sure the children loved him. Obviously, he had been too excited. He never should have let his husband see how happy the job made him. 

JD didn’t want him happy. The only thing his husband wanted was to own him; completely. He’d known this before, but he’d hoped. This hope was finally gone now, and he was standing, still in the same place, when his husband got up for work. 

Jared’s face was expressionless as JD appeared behind him. For a moment, he looked in the mirror too, then he pressed a chaste kiss to Jared’s bare shoulder. He knew better than to flinch at this. 

He just stayed motionless as a sleep raw voice told him, “I’m sorry, hon, but looks like as though you’ll have to call in sick for a few days. We wouldn’t want those sweet little children to get scared, wouldn’t we?”

“No.” was Jared’s quiet answer. He knew what this meant. He’d been in the job just two and a half months, and was having to call in sick for the third time. He would be fired for sure this time. The principal had warned him already. JD had once again got his way, and he was clearly happy about it. 

Hands started roaming over his cold body, and Jared looked away from his face in the mirror. He closed his eyes, as teeth scratched the already abused skin of his back and bit down, not too gently. 

“I just can’t get enough of you, honey. God, you’re so beautiful.” Yeah…the more bruises, the better, went through Jared’s mind. He couldn’t bear it anymore, and pressed his eyes closed tightly, to stop the tears from falling. He’d cried a lot in the past few years, but in the last months he had stopped, at least in presence of his husband. It was his only defense. As JD gripped him hard at the hips and steered him out of the bathroom, he blocked his mind, knowing what was coming; again. 

 

Fifteen minutes later, JD was ready for work; now the completely successful lawyer he wanted to be seen as, not the abusive brutal husband he was for Jared. 

“I’ll call the school for you.” he just explained. “And I don’t want you to leave the apartment today. We don’t want you to be seen like this, do we?” Jared lay on the bed where he’d been left, his eyes staring blindly out of the floor to ceiling window, but he knew he had to answer.

“No…we wouldn’t want this.” Once again, the shadow of his husband loomed over him, and this time wet lips pressed to his neck.

“I’ll be late today, but when I get back I’ll take care of you, hon.”

“Thanks.” Jared murmured obediently, his eyes closing tiredly. As the door finally closed behind JD and he was sure the man really was gone, he tried to breathe deeply to calm down, but it didn’t work. A desperate sob escaped his throat and he pulled his knees to his chest, ignoring the aches in his battered body, and feeling the wetness between his tights just that little bit more. There was no doubt JD had torn him again. He stayed where he was; on the bed in his fetal position, crying until no more tears were left. 

~

It was already afternoon when Jared woke up again. He was cold; lying on the comforter in the air-conditioned bedroom hadn’t been a wise decision. The blinds at the big window had closed automatically as the sun had come around, and the air conditioner had held the temperature at exactly 19°C, as JD wanted it. Jared grabbed for the comforter, and grunted as he moved his stiff limbs. 

“God damn, you are pathetic, Jared.” he berated himself, but he snuggled into the blanket in search of warmth. He was always cold, no matter if it was summer or winter. And the winters up here in Vancouver were really terribly cold, especially if you had grown up and lived in Texas for most of your life. Jared shuddered, and drew the comforter over his head. He didn’t want to think about Texas. He didn’t want to think at all, but it seemed to be impossible. The aches in his body, and the burning in his ass, were a constant reminder. 

Jared rolled, groaning, on to his back, and took the comforter down a little. It wasn’t as though the ceiling held any answers, but he had stared up there too often in the last months, and every time he’d come to the same conclusion. He was the only one who could change his situation, but he had no clue how to do so. 

He had no money, no family to go to, and no friends who had the smallest inkling what was happening to him. JD had already begun his seduction before he’d finished college. They’d met at a bar at Stanford. Jared had been out with friends from college, and JD was out celebrating with a client. The older man had been entranced by Jared, and he’d felt flattered. Within weeks they had been close, within months Jared had been in love. He hadn’t even had to think when JD had asked him to come to Vancouver with him for a new job. After his finals Jared had gone with him, not looking back, ‘cause there was nothing to look back at. He had realized, way too late, that JD had had him where he wanted him then. They were already married when the first hit came. 

For a while he had hoped but, when it didn’t stop, he’d to accept what this was: a nightmare, with no way out for him. Because, by then, he’d been completely dependent on JD. He didn’t have a chance to get a job lasting longer than three months. His papers were in a safe he had no access to, and he had no money. Since then, the nightmare had only increased in brutality, but Jared still knew no way out. 

He was ripped from his musings by the phone in the living room. Hastily, he jumped out of the bed, unable to suppress a groan of pain, but there was only one person who would call this number, and it was never a good thing if he didn’t answer. JD was on his lunch break and obviously wanted to make sure he’d done what he was told. 

“Morgan.”

“Hey honey, how’re you feelin’?” came the soft caring baritone of his husband through the receiver, and Jared shivered from more than the cold. No one suspected. No one saw. In public, JD was the most caring and loving husband anyone could wish for.

“I’m well, thanks. Slept in and…and relaxed.” He answered quietly.

“That’s good, hon. See, I told you I’d call the school. They weren’t happy about you being sick again. I’m sorry, hon, but they fired you.” Jared remained silent at this. He hadn’t expected anything else. JD continued. “As I already said this morning, I’ll be late, but I want you to prepare dinner nevertheless. It will distract you from this mess. It’ll be good for you to do something. You can order in from the store as usual, seeing as it’s Monday, and we’re low on groceries. And seeing as you’re not able to go out.” 

“If that’s what you want.” Anything else would be intolerable.

“I do, honey. Surprise me, will you?” Jared felt the hair in his neck stand up, but he smoothed over his fear.

“I’ll try.” He heard JD laughing.

“I know you will…See you later, honey.”

“Yeah…later.” Jared waited until he heard JD hung up before he did the same, his heart beating in his throat. The panic attack came so suddenly, he hadn’t even a chance to get a grip. It wasn’t the first time, and he knew what was happening, but this didn’t help in the slightest. Sometimes everything was just too much, and Jared had realized for a while now that it was getting worse. He almost welcomed the coming black out, because it meant escaping this nightmare once more. He felt his throat close, and he couldn’t breathe anymore. Then his vision blurred and, a moment later, he blacked out.

 

As Jared came to again the sun was sinking, and he instinctively knew he was in a lot of trouble. He was still naked, had dried blood and come between his thighs, and bruises all over his body. But he would still be expected to prepare a surprise dinner. He was on his feet instantly, desperately ignoring his aching muscles. He had to move if he didn’t want to be punished.

First, he ordered the groceries from the store, while preparing the meal in his mind. Then he slipped on some clothes; sweat pants, a T-shirt and a hoodie, even though it was May, and warm outside, and started cleaning up the apartment. Only then, did he dare to take a quick shower, and treat the most obvious of his bruises with some ointment. After that, he waited for the groceries, not able to do anything without them. 

The sun was already setting and Jared started to get nervous. He was just about to call the store again, when his sock clad foot kicked something on the ground. He sank to his knees to look what it had been, anxious that he’d overseen something which could get him in trouble. There, he literally froze, ‘cause it was JD’s wallet. 

 

It was the sound of the doorbell which brought him back to his senses. He jumped up and groaned, once again in pain, but he ignored his protesting muscles and went to the door. The delivery boy was already gone again, knowing well there would be no tip. On autopilot, Jared brought the two grocery bags into the kitchen, and then stared again at the wallet. 

Hesitating, he bowed to pick it up. JD must have missed the pocket of his jacket this morning, without noticing. With sudden boldness, he opened the wallet. He found a wad of cash, and all of JD’s credit cards. Jared’s hand started to shake, and he let the wallet slip onto the counter, before he turned and cleared the groceries away. Then he stood there, at the counter, hands gripping the edge so hard, his knuckles were white, all his senses telling him that this was probably his only chance. 

What do I have to lose? What more can he do to me, worse than he’s already done? Jared knew very well that JD probably wouldn’t have a problem killing him. He had passed out from strangulation more than once already. 

In the spur of the moment, he ran to the bedroom. He stuffed some of his oldest clothes, and some underwear, into his backpack from college. He picked up the wallet on his way back to the door and left the apartment. Whatever happened, anything was better than enduring this nightmare any longer – even death.


	2. Taking measures

Jeffrey Dean Morgan stared at the phone on his mahogany desk. He still was unable to process what had happened; even though he’d had three days to think about it by now. 

Jared was gone. 

He’d tried to ignore the fact the first night. Sure, he had been infuriated to come home to a dark and empty apartment; no dinner prepared, and no Jared to accuse and punish for it. But the boy had been probably angry, he’d reasoned, losing a job he had clearly liked, even if it had been useless. God, the bitch at the school had been pissed when he’d told her that Jared was sick again. He had been fired instantly, exactly what JD had wanted. Jared was his, and he didn’t want to share him, not even with children, and he was sure Jared knew this. He had made himself clear often enough in the three years and some that they’d been married now. His honey belonged to him, and had no way out. JD had made sure of this. He had to come back. 

JD had drunk a whole bottle of whiskey that first night alone, and taken the next day off to wait for Jared to come back. But he hadn’t come back. He was still gone the next morning too, and then the phone had rung. JD had been still hung-over from another bottle of whiskey, but the nervous questions his banker had for him woke him soundly.

There had been some unusual withdrawals from his account. Three withdrawals, each time the possible maximum, up to $5000 by now, two in Vancouver, and another in Seattle. The banker wanted him to make sure he still had his credit cards in his possession. JD had been paralyzed for quite a while before he’d started frantically searching for his wallet; without success. 

Since then, he’d known that Jared had betrayed him. He’d waited another day before calling the bank and freezing his accounts. There had been one more withdrawal in Portland, and by now JD was sure Jared was on his way back to California. The only thing he didn’t know was what to do about this. He had his ways. He was a lawyer in criminal law, and knew a lot of people; both on the right and the wrong side of the law, and Jared was without legal ID. He was surprised Jared had managed to get across the border without problems but, knowing Jared, he had probably walked through the undergrowth. 

Sighing, he leaned back in his chair. This whole thing was annoying. What had the boy been thinking? Had he actually expected to escape? He really should know JD better by now. He would think it over one more night, and then he would decide how to get Jared back and punish him properly. He was his husband; his property. There was no way he could run off like this. 

~

Jared made another try with the credit card in Palo Alto, but it didn’t work. He had just the one card he could use, because he remembered the pin number after seeing JD use it once when he was with him. But it wasn’t working anymore. He hadn’t expected anything else. By now, JD must have realized Jared had left with his wallet, and had had his credit cards frozen. 

He had spent the last days in Greyhound busses, after crossing the border on foot. There was no way for him to take a plane, but he knew trying to travel by plane would’ve made him easier to trace, so it was alright. He had gone to California on purpose, and tried the cards regularly on his way, just to make sure JD knew where he was going. But, now that he was in Palo Alto, he had to decide how to come away unknown. The Greyhounds weren’t an option for now. Someone could recognize him, and he didn’t want to risk that. He wasn’t too keen on the idea of hitch-hiking but he knew, for the moment, it was his only way out; at least until he was far away from Palo Alto. 

He put the credit card back in JD’s wallet. It was useless now, but he didn’t think it was a good idea to simply throw it away. Some honest idiot could find it, and send it back to him. So he put it back into his backpack for now. He turned away from the ATM, and looked around. He was in a mall he knew from before meeting JD, a place he had frequented with friends from college. It was a good place to make some changes and, at the moment, he had enough money to survive for a while. 

Jared allowed himself a small smile. If everything worked his way, and he was almost sure it would, JD never would find him again. 

 

Dusk settled as Jared opened the door to the room he’d taken for the night. He’d decided against leaving Palo Alto by nightfall. It would be safer to wait until the morning, and so he had taken a room in a little motel not far from the mall. He didn’t even think to contact one of his former friends still living here. JD knew them all, and they didn’t know him. 

Jared put his new shoulder bag on a chair by the table, and looked into the mirror next to the door. He’d made some serious changes today. His always too long, unruly hair was gone. He’d had it cut short instead. The formal look JD had pressured him to adopt was gone too, for now. Cargo pants, dark T-shirts, a canvas jacket, and some hoodies had replaced it; along with a baseball cap and dark sunglasses. Jared didn’t recognize himself in the mirror, and felt good with it. The only thing reminding him of his past was the still strongly prominent bruise around his eye. It would need a while until it would be gone completely. 

With a quiet sigh, he took off his new clothes, went to the bathroom to prepare for the night, and fell afterwards onto the comfortable looking king-sized bed. It was a relief after four nights in uncomfortable bus seats, and he didn’t take long to fall asleep there. For the first time in a very long time, he did it with a small smile on his face. 

~

JD grabbed his trousers and put them back on; looking in disappointment at the hooker he’d brought to the cheap motel on the outskirts of the city. The dark haired boy seemed unconscious; obviously he hadn’t been able to take the breath play. He had wanted release, someone he could take his fury out on, but this stupid whore couldn’t take anything. He was nothing like his Jared, his well-behaved boy. 

He had whined and begged, when Jared was just quiet and obedient. He had struggled against his grip, tried to escape his penetration, until JD had had to take him by his throat to restrain him. Even then, he had tried to scream, until his throat closed. It had gotten better, when the stupid slut was finally quiet. At least he had gotten off, but he was disappointed, nevertheless. No one was like Jared. He had known this from the moment he had seen the boy for the first time. 

He didn’t waste another look at the hooker. His mission was clear. He had to find Jared. Jared was the only one who could give him what he wanted. The boy could expect a severe punishment, once he had him back. 

 

JD just needed to make some calls in the morning to find the perfect person to retrieve his property. Their own office didn’t work with the bounty hunters. Their clients didn’t need to run. They had enough money, but he knew enough people, people who always pointed him to the same man. Someone who could find someone who didn’t want to be found. 

Jim Beaver, former bounty hunter, was a successful businessman nowadays, with a whole bunch of people under his command. JD didn’t hesitate to call the man. A girls’ voice answered.

“Mr. Beaver’s office. Alona Tal speaking. How can I help you?”

“Morgan from Morgan, Singer & Gamble here. I need to talk to Mr. Beaver.” 

“A moment please, I’ll just see if Mr. Beaver is already here.” Before JD could say another word, the annoying tune from some old TV show began playing in his ears. He started to get pissed, and his non existent patience was being soundly tested. It seemed an eternity until the girl was back on the phone. “I’m sorry, Mr. Beaver will be in late today, but I can connect you with his assistant, Miss Ferris.”

“I don’t want to talk to some assistant. I want to talk to Mr. Beaver. Can you give me an appointment with him for today?”

“What’s your request, if I may ask?” You’re not allowed to ask, you stupid bitch. Rage flooded JD’s system, but he suppressed it. He needed the man to retrieve his husband. 

“I need to find someone.”

“We aren’t a PI agency.” JD snapped the pencil that he was holding in his left hand, but he managed once again to stay calm. 

“Then let me phrase it better. I need someone brought back here, as soon as possible.” 

“A moment, please.” was the answer, and he could hear that horrible music again. JD took a deep, calming breath. If the damn bounty hunter hadn’t been recommended as the best, he would’ve ended the call a long time ago. Even now, he felt the urge to press the red button. Just as he was at this point, the girl’s voice was back. 

“Mr. Beaver will meet you at 2 pm at Macy’s. That’s a diner at Alberta Street, corner of 6th Avenue.”

“That late? Isn’t there a way to meet sooner?”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but this is the only possible time.” JD was disappointed, but he agreed to the meeting.

“Okay…okay. I’ll be there.” He didn’t say anything more, angrily pressing the little red end button. 

 

Alona let the receiver slip back in the holder, and looked at her boss, Jim Beaver; sitting with thoughtful expression on the chair across from the desk. 

“Why do you have reservations about this?” she asked. Jim scratched his graying beard. 

“’lona, sweet heart, Morgan, Singer and Gamble never lose their clients. They just make deals.” The law firm was known for its expensive clientele. Jim never had worked with them, and that’s why Morgan’s call irritated him so much. 

“But he said…”

“I know what he said. It’s why I’ll meet him. Even if I don’t trust that bastard lawyer further then I can throw him.” Alona shrugged her shoulders; knowing well enough Jim was a cunning old fox. 

“As you wish, gruffy.” Jim just grinned. 

“Find out what you can about the guy. Let me know what you get by 1p.m…would you.” She popped gum in her mouth and started chewing, firing up the computer to do as she was asked.

“Sure…” she said, as Jim retreated to his office to contemplate this strange call a little more. 

~

Beaver was late. JD was already impatient. He had been numb since he’d realized what Jared gone really meant to him. He’d researched the bounty hunter the whole morning; had tried to assess him, and his possible reaction to this task. He knew it could become difficult. Jared wasn’t a criminal on the run. He was just his husband, and there would probably be some moral scruples to overcome. Sure, he had enough money to convince someone with questionable morals, but he wasn’t so sure about how questionable Jim Beaver’s morals were. 

He was on his second cup of bad coffee, when a man in worn jeans, a flannel shirt, and a baseball cap took the seat opposite. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m waiting for someone.” The man lifted his head, and showed a scruffy graying beard and piercing blue eyes. 

“Yeah…me.” He just said, and looked JD up and down. “I’m Jim Beaver, Mr. Morgan. And I was very surprised to get your call. As far as I can see, none of your clients are on the run.” JD was instantly wary. The man wasn’t what he had expected; too inconspicuous, observant, and clearly not to be underestimated, because he had done obviously a little background work too. His eyes told a story of their own. Jim Beaver was a man who knew people through and through. That was probably the reason he was so good at his job. JD changed tactics, and mentally raised the stakes. 

“It’s none of our clients. If it was, it would have been the office contacting you, not me personally.”

Beaver leaned back, crossed his arms in front of his chest, and waited. JD continued. “It’s a private matter. I want you to find someone for me.”

“My secretary told you that we aren’t private investigators.”

“It’s not an investigation. I want you to bring this person back. No matter what.” The blue eyes just stared at him. 

“You want a man hunt.” He stated neutrally. JD’s dark eyes became thin slits, and he answered with a dark passion:

“I want my husband back. That’s all.” Again, he failed to elicit a reaction from the bounty hunter. 

“He probably doesn’t want to be your husband anymore.” Beaver insinuated. JD decided to tread on safer ground, and leaned back. There was no question about it. Jared had no say in the matter. 

“Jared is young, impulsive…and he was angry at me. He didn’t think when he ran away. Once he’s thinking clearly again, he will see it the same way. I just worry for him.” He assured the other man.

 

I bet you do, was all Jim thought. The only thing you’re worried about is loosing the boy toy. There hadn’t been a lot that Alona had been able to find about Jeffrey Dean Morgan. He was a successful, well known lawyer with a high income, a pretentious seaside apartment, and a quiet, unemployed, obviously kept, husband. That was all he had up to now. They’d only been in Vancouver for a few years. The boy had probably had his reasons when he’d run.

“I don’t see a reason to pressure someone to come back to a place he’s left of his own free will.” he said, emotionlessly, and saw Morgan’s face close up. 

“What about one hundred grand? Fifty now, and fifty when I get him back.”

Damn, fucking hell. That’s a lot of money. The boy seems to be worth his while. Jim reconsidered his options. He was a businessman, no matter what. “Now we’re talking about reasons.” he said then. A cold smile appeared at Morgan’s face.

“A pleasure to hear that. Will you take it?” Jim’s mind was working overtime now. He knew the moral aspects of the whole thing were more then shady, but hundred grand was a lot of money. To be exact; it was enough for him to leave morals behind. There was just the question left as to who would agree with him on this dirty little case but, even there, he probably had an option. 

“I’ll talk to one of my people. It depends if he takes it or not. That’s all I can give you right now.” There was just one possible person who would take on such a dirty job. It would be useless to talk to anyone else, no matter what his own opinion was. His people respected the boundaries of the law. That’s what he expected. He, himself, was the only exception, but this was his problem, no ones else’s. 

“When will I hear from you?” Morgan asked. 

“Later today.”

“Okay…that’s what I hoped for.” The lawyer stood up and reached out his hand. Jim followed suit, and hesitated, just for a moment, before taking it.

“Put together a dossier about your husband…if my man takes the job, I need to know as much about him as possible.”

“No problem. I’ll wait for your call, Mr. Beaver.”

“Later.” Jim turned to go. He didn’t see the icy, self satisfied grin on Morgan’s face.


	3. The right man

“How did it go?” Alona lazily chewed on her bubblegum and did the cross word puzzle. It was quiet at the moment. Jim went through to his office.

“Call JR in.” 

He saw her face fall, before she asked. “What the hell do you want with that asshole?”

“None of your business, sweet heart. Just call him in.” Alona stared at his back, but did what he said.

~

Jensen was woken up by the ringing of his cell. He growled darkly, hung-over and worn out from a night of drinking, gambling, and rough housing with some friends. Unwillingly, he reached for his cell. 

“Ackles.”

“Tal, here.”

“Hey, ‘lona, sweetheart, what do you want?” he mocked, with a sleep raw voice.

“Fuck you, asshole. Jim wants to see you.”

“What? Now? What for?”

“As far as I know, you’re his employee. I’m sure he’ll tell you when you’re here…so move your gay ass.” And with that, the call ended. Jensen rolled on his back.

“Stupid bitch.” He knew very well Alona despised him. She had hit on him for an eternity, until she’d realized he was bi, and on a male trip at the moment. Then she’d become mean and spiteful. 

Jensen rubbed his hands over his face. What the hell did Beaver want? He checked the current trials regularly, and had heard nothing about some asshole on the run; not even one with a reason to run. These were the only cases Jim gave him; never mind that they were the best paid too. The former bounty hunter saw the big gun in him, and Jensen was okay with that. 

He heaved himself slowly out of bed, not willing to hurry. First, he needed lots of coffee, and a very hot shower. 

 

Two hours later, he faced a pissed Alona with a big self-satisfied grin on his face.

“Howdy, sweetheart. So, what does the big boss want?” Jensen hadn’t shaved and sported scruffy stubble on his face. He had his baseball cap and dark sunglasses on. No one needed to know he was still dead tired, and it matched his well groomed bad boy image. 

“Go just in, asshole. I know nothing.” she hissed, and Jensen beamed at her a little more, all the while cussing her in his mind.

“God, you’re so gorgeous. If I didn’t like cock so much, I’d almost consider fucking you.” He ducked the plastic coffee cup she threw at him, and disappeared through Jim’s office door. “Hi, Beaver. What do you want?” Jensen’s façade of fun was gone, his expression stony now. 

 

Jim stared at the man in front of him. Jensen Ross Ackles was thirty years old, dishonorably discharged from the FBI for reasons unknown, and one of the hardest men he knew. He’d caught every mean asshole Jim had set him on, without any real problems, and had never shown any sign of any morals. When he was being honest with himself, he had to admit he didn’t know the guy in the slightest, but as long JR did his job, he was okay with it. If he didn’t want to search for Morgan’s husband himself, he had to convince JR Ackles to do it. 

“I’ve got an offer for you.” Jensen showed no sign of interest, but that wasn’t new. “You can make twenty five grand out of this.” There, the bait was out.

“Shoot.” was the only answer he got. Jim suppressed his grin. JR wasn’t any different from anyone else. Money makes the world go round. Calmly, he started to explain. When he’d finished, Jensen’s expression hadn’t changed for one moment. 

“So you want me to do a man hunt?” He stated, coolly. 

That was the whole situation in a nutshell. Jim observed JR closely. He reacted as expected; emotionless and unfazed. Sometimes, Jim really wanted to crack that cool façade. 

“It’s lucrative. Do you have a problem with it? Then consider it never said.” 

“Do I look as if I have a problem with it? I just wanted to hear it again from you. In clear terms. You’re my boss, you give me my orders.”

Asshole, as if you would follow orders. Can’t understand why they even hired you at the Bureau over there in the States. “Look JR, I know where we’re heading here. Just tell me if you’ll do it or not.”

“Sure. I’ll do it.” At this a bright smile spread over Jim’s face.

“I knew I could rely on you, boy.” The man just smiled, meaninglessly.

 

Jensen kicked his chair back, and rested his left foot against Jim Beaver’s desk. So, the old man wanted him to do a man hunt. He had to ask himself if it was the first time the bounty hunter had agreed to a job like this. Considering his comment at knowing where they were heading, he probably had. He seemed entirely unfazed. The whole thing was bordering on illegal, but Jensen didn’t need to think long for his answer. There was twenty five grand in it for him, and the rest he would deal with.

“Do you have anything to go on?” he questioned, all business. 

“I’ll get a dossier on the guy within the hour.”

“Are there any limits on hunting this guy down?

“I don’t know of any.” Wow, that’s harsh. What kind of marriage is this? Jensen thought while Beaver continued. “Morgan said nothing, but I’ll ask him. Do you want to meet him yourself?”

“Not really.” He had no need to see the man who had to hunt down his husband. ”But I want the money in advance.” This thing was a little too close to ‘not right’ for him. Who knew when he might have to run?

“Ohhh boy, what do you think I am?” Beaver played offended, and Jensen grinned. 

“A greedy old bastard.” The old man shouldn’t think he was stupid. He was anything but. When there was twenty five in it for him, Jim was getting at least double that, if not more.

“Only half, JR, not more.”

“Two thirds, or you can do it by your self.” Negotiating was his favorite pasttime. 

“Good damn, you’re such a hard ass.”

“It’s a hard ass job. What do you expect?” He watched Beaver get up, knowing well where the safe was. His boss seemed very eager over this case, ‘cause he took out the money Jensen had demanded. 

“We compromise on fifteen grand, ‘kay?”

“Sure, Jim. And you’ll pay all my expenses.”

“As usual.” Beaver came back and held out a wad of cash. Jensen just grinned. The job really seemed urgent. 

“Do I have any time limits?” he asked, as an afterthought. 

“As fast as possible.”

“Nice.”

 

Two hours later Jensen sat in front of his laptop, and looked over the dossier a delivery boy had brought over twenty minutes ago. The whole thing seemed really urgent, and he had to ask himself why Morgan hadn’t gone after his man alone already. The traces this Jared had left were very obvious. Probably too obvious. 

He looked over Jared Tristan Morgan’s life to date. Seeing the nice picture from his college days at Stanford he grinned. Wouldn’t say ‘no’ to you to, sweetie, he mused, smiling, and sent the picture to his printer. He had to get an overview, and had already cleared a wall of his private office to collect all the important information. He was a very organized worker, a relic from his short career at the Bureau. Two hours later, he sat in front of a wall with pictures, notes, college results and certificates, and had to ask himself where the catch was. 

He had his information in chronological order. The man had been born on July the 19th 1982, in San Antonio, Texas. He’d always been a well behaved kid, with very good results in school, which had earned him the scholarship that had brought him to Stanford, where he’d majored in English Literature and Education. The first interesting thing there was that he’d obviously never gone back to his family in Texas, but Jensen had a good idea why. If nothing else, he was married to a man, and living in Canada. 

The second unusual fact was that he’d never worked in a field using one of his Majors, although he’d had high grades. He had started working more then once; in libraries, book shops, social services, but never for long. The last job, which he’d lost not long ago, had been in a preschool. The longest period of employment had been five months and, there again, he’d been fired. Morgan even had the bad references filed in his dossier about his husband. Didn’t it bother him that Jared seemed a lazy ass?

Jensen stood up and pinned the newest picture of Jared Morgan, not counting the bad one from the ATM, next to the one from college. These two pictures couldn’t be more different. In the first one Jared was a carefree, happy college student, with an impossibly wide grin on his face. In the other one, he was collected and reserved, well groomed and stylish, like a successful businessman. This was the first warning sign Jensen had seen: he wasn’t a successful businessman; he was a husband who wasn’t able to hold a good job when he found one. 

He gripped his cell and called Bobby.

“Beaver. What is it, JR! I thought you’d be on your way to California already.”

“I’m just finishing with the dossier. California is the next step. I got just a question. What is your impression of Jared Morgan?” He literally heard Jim thinking.

“Want me to be honest?”

“Idiot.”

“The boy is a kept toy. I don’t know what he didn’t get from Morgan, but I think it’s something like this: he wanted something, Morgan said no. He ran off.”

Jensen just sighed. Would be Jared Morgan stupid enough to leave the idiot who’d paid for his lifestyle? “What are you thinking, JR?” he had Beaver worried, and relented.

“Nothing. Just wanted to check my own opinion.”

“Good, then book a damn flight to San Francisco, and see that you bring him back here. Later.” 

Jensen put his cell away, and stared a moment longer at the wall. Something was off here, and all of his instincts told him the answer to the dilemma lay within these two pictures. He just couldn’t see it yet. But if he was lucky he never needed to find out. Once again, he checked the latest information about his target. 

The picture from the ATM was from yesterday. Jared still looked the same, with his too long, unruly hair. He was pretty enough to stick out, not to mention his freaky height of 6’4’’. Someone had seen him, for sure. He’d possibly even found a place to stay with a former friend from college. Jensen would check all this, but first he had to get to California.

Determined to finish this job fast, he put some necessary things in a small travel bag, saved his files and packed his laptop, before he left for his building’s underground car park. No matter how fast he wanted this to be over with, no way would he board a plane to do it. His beloved car, a ’67 Chevy Impala, had taken him everywhere he’d needed to go, quickly and safely.


	4. Some surprises

Three days later Jensen Ross Ackles knew for sure that the damn boy was anything but easy to catch. Jay, as he called him by now, had dropped off the face of earth. It had taken him a fifteen hour drive to get to Palo Alto. He’d slept for a few hours, and then had started checking the area around the ATM. He’d found the Greyhound station Jared had arrived at from Portland. He even found a guy at the store in the nearby mall, who remembered the pretty guy with the ’endless’ long legs. That’s when Jensen had gotten suspicious for the first time. 

It seemed Jared had bought a lot of new clothes; clothes which weren’t usual for him. After finding this out, he’d raided the train stations, bus lines, and even the airport. No one had seen him, and he was on no security video Jensen, with the help of a good friend, could lay his hands on. He found him arriving on a Greyhound in San Jose, but that was all. 

The next step in the task was finding friends and acquaintances. He was lucky because he had the dossier on his laptop. He found his way into the University of Stanford, to talk to some of Jared’s professors and the Dean of his faculty. It was simple to explain the reason for his questions: Jared was missing, and no one had seen him in a while; friends in Vancouver worried ‘cause he wasn’t answering his phone. 

Explaining this to Dean Manners, he found another catch in the story, and filed it mentally away; he didn’t have the names of any of Jared’s friends in Vancouver. Meanwhile, Kim Manners was very co-operative. He talked freely about Jared, described him as a hard-working student with a clear vision of his future, which was the next catch. There didn’t seem to be any real future, career wise, as Jeffrey Morgan’s husband.

Jensen started getting irritated. There were some enormous discrepancies in the picture he was piecing together of Jared. The man Dean Manners described had nothing in common with the man Morgan was searching for. Like so much else, he filed it away for later.

Following the leads of former friends was way more difficult than talking to the Dean. Jensen concentrated on people near by, but had to realize quickly that Jared hadn’t contacted a single one of them. No one had heard from him in the last three and a half years, not since he had left with his lover and later husband – Jeffrey Dean Morgan. His college friends didn’t even know he was married to Morgan. 

That was the point when Jensen gave up in the San Francisco area. He had no doubt Jared had deliberate led his husband on. For the moment he refused to think about that, but it was a part of the picture. So far, that much was sure.

 

~

Jared rubbed the sleep from his eyes. A few minutes before, the announcement of the bus driver had woken him from a disturbing dream; not a real nightmare, but JD being in it was enough to disturb him. He’d left Palo Alto two weeks ago for LA, with a crazy middle aged man in his vintage car, who was on a grand tour on highway 101 for inspiration for a book he wanted to write. It had been a funny trip. Jared didn’t trust people lightly, but Eric Kripke had been so nicely eccentric that, at his offer, he had risked riding with him. 

After that, he had taken the Greyhound to San Antonio. Jared knew he wasn’t welcome at home; his father had stated that in clear terms. He didn’t even want to go home. This chapter of his life had been closed for a long time now. He’d just felt the wish to see them, and so he had done. 

He had seen his Mom and his sister from afar, and he’d even looked for his father and his brother, Josh. His father obviously still worked at the bank; he didn’t see him; and his just as homophobic brother had obviously left home. Megan was still with their parents. She was in college. They were all well. This was more then he’d known in years, and Jared knew it would have to be enough. JD would look for him in San Antonio. He would ask questions. Jared almost hoped his father would shoot him with his gun when he introduced himself as Jared’s husband. That might finally make him feel safe again. 

He took something else with him when he left San Antonio after a week. The Texas sun had warmed him so deeply; he could feel it in the depths of his soul. For the first time in years, he didn’t feel cold anymore. It had triggered a decision. He didn’t dare to stay in Texas, for obvious reasons, but he wanted a place that was really warm, and as far away from Vancouver as possible. The logical solution for this lay literally on the opposite of the country, and this was the reason he woke up on a bus on his way to Miami. 

Jared stared in the setting sun. It was evening. The bus was a little late, but that didn’t matter to him. He didn’t have concrete plans yet. All he wanted was a room and a bed. He collected his things and looked over his seat, to make sure he hadn’t left anything. He was often nervous about the money ‘cause he had no way to put it in a account but, until now, he hadn’t lost anything. He had it separated into smaller amounts, and hidden in the different zip pockets of his shoulder bag and the backpack. He had burned JD’s wallet in a campfire at a truck stop between Houston and Beaumont. In his eyes, it was the safest way to get rid of it, and a symbolic end for his past. 

He left the bus with the most of the other passengers. The line ended in Key West, but there were not many people left who were traveling further. Jared was determined to go further south later but, for now, there were some things he had to rule out. First he needed a new identity and references, so he could get a job. He just hoped he could accomplish that here somehow. But first things first, he needed a bed to sleep in, and he hurried out of the bus station. The motel over the street would do. 

Just fifteen minutes later he fell, once again, into a king sized motel bed, freshly showered, shaved, and clad only in boxer briefs. He stared out of the window in the settling dusk, and thanked God that he’d made it this far, until sleep overtook him. 

~

Jensen found himself in a similar situation. It was around 2am and, after another fifteen hour drive back up to Vancouver, he yearned for his bed. Thankfully, the streets were relatively empty this time of night. When the car was finally parked securely in the underground car park again, he headed up to his apartment; fell fully clothed on his bed, and was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

He woke up sometime in the next late afternoon, disoriented and grumpy. 

“God damn…I curse you into next week, Jared Tristan Morgan.” It was probably a fault too, to always drive instead of taking a plane, but he would never admit that. He crawled out of his bed. Nevertheless, the damn guy had settled in his mind, and obviously didn’t want to leave anymore. Jensen disappeared into the bathroom and started the shower. Everything in this damn case irritated him by now.

He’d had enough time to think, driving alone through the night, with nothing but the radio as company. The whole time, he’d mused over the discrepancies in the Morgan case. The picture he’d gotten down in California was so different from the one he had from Jeffrey Dean Morgan, that he had no clue what to do with it. 

Freshly showered, and with a cup of hot coffee in his hand, he called Beaver.

“You got him?” was the question he got before he could say one word.

“You have to be kidding me?” he asked back. 

“What do you mean?”

“Jim…that boy, lead the old man on.” It was funny, but Beaver retaliated with Jensen’s own words.

“You have to be kidding me?”

“I’m sorry. I’m not. I think we need to negotiate anew.” Jensen’s eyes got caught by his wall; at the two pictures of Jared, one as a student, and one as Morgan’s husband. He fired up his computer, with his cell tucked between his shoulder and his jaw. “How much is the lawyer paying you to get his toy boy back?” The silence on the other end of the line told Jensen everything. He started writing cards. Hard-working for college-Jared; can’t hold a job for Morgan-Jared, open minded and friendly for the first; collected and reserved for the second, a lot of potential for the first, a life as kept man for the second. 

“JR, I expected more of you.” Beaver stuttered in the meantime. Jensen pinned the cards under the pictures and asked, completely out of the blue, “Do you have any clues about the boy’s financial situation?”

“…uhm…”

“So no….Now, tell me…how much do you get, Jim?”

“THAT DOESN’T MATTER…You’re back without him.” Beaver lost his calm. Jensen pressed his lips together for a moment.

“Yeah…and I can promise you that this fucking job will take time…probably a lot of time. He dropped off the face of earth in Palo Alto. Completely. Just so you know. I’ll call you.” Jensen ended the call. He was preoccupied with the list he’d made. His computer was booted up, ready, and he searched for a picture of Morgan. Moments later he sent it to the printer, while thinking overtime; staring at the cards under the two pictures of Jared. College Jared had already three traits in advance against Morgan-Jared; hard-working, open minded and lots of potential against seemingly lazy, strongly reserved and apparently kept by his husband. Jensen started to fear this was just the beginning of the mess. He wasn’t happy about what he suspected. 

Jensen let himself fall into his chair while the printer churned out the picture, and picked up his phone again to call a friend. It took just seconds for an answer on the other end of the line.

“Jenny, long time no see.”

“Hi, Chris. Can you do me a favor?”

“Can YOU explain why you always just call when you need a favor?” was his answer. Jensen was offended.

“That’s SO NOT true. You were the one who made me drink all that Tequila the last time we met up and then I had called.” There was a chuckle at the other end.

“What do you want, baby?” Chris asked.

“Can you look something over for me? Not much. I just need to know the financial situation of a Jared Morgan. Jared Tristan Morgan.” Chris was still at the Bureau, over in Seattle. They met regularly.

“US citizen?”

“Yes…think so.”

“You so know how illegal this is…?” It was Jensen now chuckling.

“I was there. Remember?” There was silence for a moment, and then Chris was back, sounding confused

“I got no Jared Tristan Morgan. Or better…I got the guy, but he has no money. No bank account, nothing.” 

“And an authorization for the accounts of Jeffrey Dean Morgan?”

“I got the accounts of the lawyer…but the husband has no authorization.”

“Sure?”

“Yes, Jenny. Sorry. What are you on?”

“The lawyer lost his toy boy.”

“Oh shit. Let the money go, baby. This isn’t a good thing.” Jensen had to agree. The whole thing felt wrong. 

“I’m almost there. Thanks, dude. I owe you one.”

“Yeah…as usual. I’ll call you when we have the next get together.”

“Do that. And send my love to Stevie.” He heard Chris laugh.

“I will.” The call ended, and Jensen stared once again at the wall. He wrote another two cards; one with ‘independent’ on it, and the other with ‘dependant’ on it, and put them under the college-Jared and the Morgan-Jared. Then he leaned back and stared at the diagram. The results were clear. 

Jensen pinned the picture of Morgan on the wall; next to the pictures of Jared. He took a red sharpie and started drawing lines. Every single one lead to one conclusion; Morgan-Jared was completely dependent on Jeffrey Dean Morgan. 

Jared Tristan Morgan was a perfect VICTIM – and the question of whether or not to go through with this job arose again, strongly.


	5. New beginnings

Jared looked around. He couldn’t help but be uncertain. The landlord he was supposed to meet had told him this address, and he was a little surprised, because he’d ended up in front of a bar. What landlord meets his possible tenant in a bar?

Jared had been staying in the motel for ten days now, but he knew he couldn’t do this any longer, not when he wanted to save as much money as he could, and so he’d answered an ad in a paper for a flat in Key Largo. He was already fed up of Miami; too many people, too many possible threats; just too much to look out for in his opinion. He was way too insecure to cope with that at the moment. 

The owner of the apartment building had asked to meet him here, but he was honestly contemplating leaving. The bar was hidden a little away from main street, and clearly well frequented by the gay community. Jared was more than uncomfortable, ‘cause some of these guys just scared him; especially those of the older and visibly very self-confident category. He couldn’t help it. 

The appointment time was 6.30 pm. He wouldn’t go in there before then, and he’d leave if the landlord didn’t show within five minutes. 

Some minutes later, Jared nervously made his way in. He’d been told to ask at the bar for a Mr. Rosenbaum, and tried his best to hide his uneasiness as he walked over there, with his head bowed low. The bartenders were busy, and he almost didn’t dare ask, but time wasn’t going to stop for him, and he didn’t want to be late, so he tried to gain the attention of the nearest one; a man with a bald head and a somewhat grim smile. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m supposed to ask for a Mr. Rosenbaum here.” The guy looked up at him, saw his strained expression, and asked:

“You got a problem with gays?” Jared was visibly shocked at the question.

“No…no…I’m not. I…I’m just not accustomed to places…like this…I’m…” he stuttered. The guy laughed at this. 

“What?...Where the hell do you come from?” That closed Jared up instantly, and the bartender clearly registered it. “Sorry, don’t want to step on your toes. None of my business. So…you’re Portman then, are you?” Jared relaxed a little. 

“Yeah. Jay Portman.”

“I’m Michael Rosenbaum, but my friends call me Mike. And you will too, ‘cause I say so.” He winked, and Jared got the feeling he didn’t have a choice about it. Michael Rosenbaum seemed a little hyper to him. He even served customers while he was talking to him. Jared observed him a little, his uneasiness forgotten. Moments later, Mike was back with him. 

“So, you want the apartment on Baker Street?”

“Yes…at least for a while. Probably longer, when I find a job.” He felt himself being scrutinized, and automatically started getting nervous again. What if Rosenbaum didn’t like him? What if not having a job was a problem?

“You know…two months rents in advance. And the others regularly on the first.” Mike told him, skeptically. He obviously had doubts because of the lack of a job, but these Jared could disperse. He even had enough money in his backpack to pay the security deposit. 

“I can cover it, don’t worry.” Rosenbaum grinned. 

“That’s good. ‘cause I think you’d fit in well here. And don’t worry. I bet you’ll find a job soon. You got a place to crash tonight, or do you want to take care of business now?”

“Now would be nice. I’ve got my things at the bus station and…and if I could avoid another motel it would be good.” He hadn’t hoped for this, but if it turned out this way, it was okay with him. He had looked at the building beforehand, and had liked it. 

“Okay then, first things first.” And with that, a bottle of beer landed in front of him. Jared frowned at the bartender. Mike just grinned broadly. “I think I like you Jay man, and I tend to take care of the people I like. You’ll get your keys as soon as I get a little break here, till then get used to this place and enjoy it.” And with that, he was gone and had started to serve his guests again at high speed. 

Jared shook his head, grinning, and sipped his beer. Somehow he had a feeling he would like Mike too, at least for now. Second guessing was Jared’s nature by now, and he was determined to stay very cautious around people. He had almost automatically taken the last bar stool in the row, with his back to the wall, just to avoid any surprises. 

An hour later there was good live music on a little stage at the other end of the room, and Mike got his break. Jared hadn’t even drunk half his beer, and that got him a look from the other man. Mike didn’t say anything, just let Jared behind the bar, and led him through a door in the back. 

Jared started to realize Mike was the owner of the bar too as they entered a little office in the back. 

“You got the security deposit?” Mike asked, and opened a drawer to take the keys out. 

“Yeah…You can have the rent for the two weeks left of the month too. I’m just happy to get a place to crash.”

“Did you look at the apartment already?” Jared just nodded, and smiled a little.

“I wouldn’t have come otherwise. To be honest, I’m a little surprised it’s still available.” At this, Mike grinned.

“That’s me, being prissy.” At the look on Jared’s face, he started laughing outright. “I live there too, and I want neighbors I can get along with.”

“Oh.” Jared blushed, and occupied himself with rummaging through his backpack for the money. “Uh…here’s the security deposit…and the rent for the next two weeks.” As he looked up, he caught Mike watching him. “Something wrong?” 

Mike grinned broadly again. “No…everything is fabulous…O-kay, here’s the key.” He threw Jared the keys he’d taken out of the drawer, and Jared caught them. “You want me to call you a cab?” Jared didn’t need to think long about this. 

“That would be nice.” Mike called the cab, and five minutes later it pulled up by the back door. Mike had tried to make small talk, but Jared was too cautious to provide a lot of information, so it was a little stilted. He could feel the man’s eyes on his back after he’d said goodbye, and knew very well he was more than just intrigued about him, but he didn’t feel a threat, and that was more than he’d hoped for. 

* * *

“Mister Morgan, there’s a call from a Police Department in Texas for you.” JD was shocked out of his wits for a moment. Jared was from Texas. Had he done something stupid? Had something happened to him? He collected himself hastily. 

“Put it through, Emily.” He picked up the receiver before the first ring had finished.

“Morgan here.”

“Officer Singer, Texas Highway Patrol, Beaumont Department here. Am I talking to Jeffrey Dean Morgan?”

“Yes you are, Officer Singer. What’s the problem?” JD saw that the hand holding a pencil was shaking, and put the pencil away. He’d had a tendency to break them since Jared had been gone and Beaver had told him his employee was working hard, trying to trace him. 

“Nothing important probably, but your ID was in a wallet that was found in the remains of a campfire at a truck stop in our district, and we have to make sure there is nothing wrong in this case, ‘cause someone tried obviously to burn it.” 

So you tried to get rid of me completely, did you hon? That was a really, really big mistake, my boy. ”It was stolen a while ago, and I froze everything important that was in there, but I have to thank you nevertheless for calling. At least it’s good to know that it hasn’t been misused in any way.” JD heard the officer chuckle. 

“Yeah, you’re right there. Am I correct in the assumption we can destroy the remains?”

“Yeah, you are. I’ve got everything replaced by now. I thank you for calling me. It makes me feel a lot better.”

“No problem. It’s our duty anyway. Thank you for your cooperation. Have a nice day.”

“You too. Bye. And thanks again.” The line went dead, and JD leaned back in his chair with a cold smile on his face. He had almost given up hope they would find Jared, but now he had a new lead for Beaver and his bounty hunter. 

So, you’ve been in Texas. I really should’ve guessed. You’re such a Mama’s boy, honey. Even if they don’t want you anymore, you had to go back there. I knew you’d be helpless without me. But now I have a new chance to get you back. JD stared at the picture of Jared he had on his desk. He had thought about Texas, and told Beaver so, but obviously his hunter had doubts the boy would go back there. After all, he hadn’t been back there since he’d left for college. The conclusion was reasonable, but nevertheless it pissed JD off a little, and the longer he thought about it, the angrier he became. They probably might have found him by now him, 

Impatiently, he called Beaver’s office from his cell. It was early afternoon. The man was bound to be at work at this time.

“Mister Beaver’s office, Alona Tal speaking.” 

That bitch again. “Morgan here. I need to talk to your boss, this instant. It’s important.”

“I will…”

“NO, you will not. You will put me through to your boss, NOW.” The girl was flustered, but obviously did as she was told, ‘cause a moment later Beaver was on the phone.

“Jim Beaver.”

“Mister Beaver, Morgan here. I’ve got a new lead on Jared, as you seem to be unable to find him. I want you to send your asshole of a hunter down to Texas. This instant. I told you he’d go there, but you had to convince me otherwise. I’m about to cut you fee, believe me.” JD was ranting angrily now, but it didn’t matter. There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment. Then Beaver answered.

“Tell me about the lead.”


	6. Cold tracks turn hot again

Two and a half days later, Jensen was in Beaumont, Texas; once again with his beloved Impala, although Beaver had declared him insane for driving down there in his car, instead of flying. He hadn’t wanted to do the job. The whole thing was too murky, but another ten grand had changed his mind, once again. 

He had done some further investigating; had spoken to co-workers at the different jobs Jared had done, and tried to find friends. There were none, and the statements of his co-workers were all the same. Jared was a nice polite guy, but terrible quiet, and in seemingly bad health. All the times he had been fired, it had been because he called in sick too often. In Jensen’s eyes, this was just more bad news. He tried to get information about these frequent illnesses, but it was impossible. Obviously, Jared had never seen a doctor about them, and Jensen didn’t dare question Morgan. He had a feeling the lawyer wouldn’t be happy if he realized someone was dissecting his life with Jared. 

There was one more thing that put him off. On his last job as a preschool teacher, Jared had become a little friendly with one of his colleagues, Sandra McCoy. He had left no doubt about his sexual orientation, but she had nevertheless liked him for his obvious talent and kindness in his work with children. She was the only person Jared seemed to have talked a little to, Jensen had found. There was one thing she’d thought especially odd about him, and that was that he felt always cold, another possible symptom of constant fear. 

All in all, that didn’t throw a good light on this whole thing. The more he discovered, the more he suspected an abusive relationship. He still justified the fact he’d taken the job by the fact that he didn’t have any proof, but it nevertheless irked him. He still tried to comfort himself with the money. To be precise, it was the only reason he was here. 

And he had to work hard for his money. It wasn’t really a problem to find the truck stop where the cops had found Morgan’s wallet. There was just one in the district with a campsite nearby. He really had to ask himself what kind of an idiot brought a half-burned wallet to the police, but whatever. It had happened, and he had to once again try to find the runaway husband. The truck stop wasn’t really a help. No one there had seen Jared, or at least no one remembered him. Worst case scenario, the whole thing could have happened at least three weeks ago.

Jensen needed a night’s sleep in the motel before he realized what had probably happened and also realized he probably had a new lead. The bus line between San Antonio and somewhere east passed this truck stop late at night and stopped for a short time. There was at least a chance Jared really had been here, even if it didn’t add up to his former cunning. Probably he really had believed the wallet would burn completely. 

Jensen didn’t know what to make of this, but whatever. He knew Jared Morgan had been born in San Antonio. He never would have expected that the boy would go back there, but he had to investigate it. He already had Jared’s birth name. It was Padalecki, nothing very common. He had no problem finding the family. The only thing he wasn’t sure of was how go about this. In the end, he called pretending to be an officer of the Canadian State Police. The phone rang three times before someone answered.

“Padalecki.” A woman answered the phone, probably the mother.

“Winchester here, Officer Dean Winchester from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I need to ask you some questions with regard to a missing person report we have here in Vancouver.”

“Canadian Police?”

“Yes. Who am I talking to?”

“Sharon Padalecki.”

“Oh…this is good. Mrs. Padalecki, this is about your son, Jared.”

“Jared is in Canada?”

Ouch Jensen thought, but said, “Yes, Mrs. Padalecki. He’s lived here in Vancouver for the last three and a half years.” These were really nice family relations. No wonder Jared had gotten caught in this marriage. “By your reaction, I assume you haven’t seen him recently, have you?” This one Jensen could have spared himself. That much was sure.

“No…I…I’m sorry.” The expected answer came. “He left a long time ago. I…I haven’t seen him since then. What…what’s wrong with him?” Jensen hesitated. In his opinion, the woman deserved the truth, but he was almost sure Jared wouldn’t want her to know. He lied his way around the reality.

“He’s been reported missing by some of his friends, but that might not mean anything. They’re worried and want to know where he is. We want to try to establish his whereabouts. Family are always questioned first. You shouldn’t worry.” Oh yes, you should, but whatever. “I’m sure it will all turn out to be a mistake.” Jensen couldn’t help it, he tried to appear as optimistic as possible “Your son probably just needs some time by himself, but we have to do our job. If he contacts you, would you please call me?”

“Sure.” The woman answered. He could hear her nervousness clearly. Jensen gave his Canadian cell number.

“As I said, don’t worry. Everything will work out.” He was about to hang up when Sharon Padalecki stopped him.

“Officer Winchester?”

“Yes?”

“If…if you find him, would please let me know. I…I just want…to know he is alright.” That grounded Jensen soundly. No matter what had happened, the woman was worried, probably had been since Jared had left home, years ago. 

“Sure…sure I will, Mrs. Padalecki.” He couldn’t help himself there. 

“Thanks.” She said quietly. 

“No bother, Ma’am.” Jensen ended the call, and stared thoughtfully in to space for a moment. Damn, this was getting sticky. What the hell was he thinking, telling the woman to call him? And then agreeing to call her, when he found her son, only to bring him back to his possibly abusive husband? What did that make him? Jensen refused to think any further. 

The problem was that it had just felt right. Whatever had happened between Jared and his family, his mother wasn’t happy about it. Jensen shut his brain down, and started loudly singing along with the radio.

* * *

He spent the next two days screening security videos from the bus stations. It was no problem for him to hack into these systems and control what he wanted after he had done it once with help of an friend. More irritating was the screening itself. The whole thing was boring as hell, and not very efficient. It was more or less coincidence that he succeeded nevertheless, and Jensen knew he once more had to thank his training from the Bureau. He saw Jared come in on a line from LA, and the only reason he partly recognized him was his uncommon height. Closer investigation made sure it really was him. 

There was nothing left from the guy he had been; even the long hair was gone. Once he knew what he was looking for, he found Jared some days later, again boarding a line that left San Antonio for somewhere east; thus the wallet in Beaumont. Jensen left the city happy. It was an accomplishment to know Jared had been here, and that he’d found him, but Jensen wanted results; real results. He wanted to be done with this job. Jared was getting under his skin, the more he had to deal with his issues, and he wanted him out of his mind. Damn manhunt. He should have followed Chris’ advice, and left the shitty job alone.

Jensen started to avoid sleep, which stopped him from thinking, and worked overtime, which helped too. Once he knew which bus line Jared was on he could follow him on the security videos, and it was almost shocking when he ended up in Miami; seeing Jared leave the Greyhound, and not being able to find him boarding a new one. 

Damn, did it have to be a city like this? Couldn’t have it been a small town? I’m so screwed. But there was thirty-five grand at stake by now. He fell back on the bed he’d been sitting on the whole afternoon while he screened the videos, and blindly stared at the ceiling. It was time to admit it; he didn’t want to do this job. 

Never before had Jensen had a problem bringing back one of his targets. Was it any surprise? I worked criminals, but this… Yeah. What was this? This was a manhunt. The boy had done nothing, except to run from a possibly abusive husband. 

Jensen had no doubts about why Jim had given him this job. He expected him to do it without any questions, and he had no reason to think otherwise. Jensen had never shown any signs of scruples. The problem was that Jim didn’t really know him. No one in Jim’s office did and that was okay with Jensen. He worked there to make money, not to find friends. He had friends, not many, but real just the same. And now he lay here, yearning for thirty-five grand, and not knowing what to do about his scruples. 

Jensen sat up and opened the Morgan case file on his screen. He had a slide show with pictures from his wall in it now, and couldn’t help admitting the conclusions his investigation had led him to. But you still have no proof…there is no proof, and there is thirty five grand. Jensen rubbed his hand over his face. 

What could go wrong if, when he brought the guy back, he looked out for him a little longer, just to be sure there was nothing wrong? He would get the money, and he would soothe his conscience, wouldn’t he? 

“How the hell can I find you in Miami, Jared?” he asked quietly, scanning through the slideshow. He knew the job had gotten way more difficult once more, but sitting around in a motel room in San Antonio wasn’t going to help matters in the slightest. Jensen stood up. He would give himself another week to find the guy in Miami. If that didn’t work out, he would tell Jim he could stuff the job, and send the money back. 

He was on his way out of Texas when his cell phone rang, the familiar tune of ‘The Unknown Stuntman’ telling him it was Beaver. Jensen cursed his luck.

“What is it?”

“Hi JR, I see you’re in a good mood.”

“What do you want, Jim?”

“An update. The lawyer is on my heels. He wants results…fast.”

“I told you it would need time!”

“Did the lead at least help a little?”

“Someone saw him at the Greyhound station in San Antonio. He left the city. I think it was before the wallet, IF the wallet was been thrown away by Jared.“

“You still have your doubts?”

“Jim, the guy tricked us in Palo Alto. I don’t know if he’s stupid enough to leave such an obvious trace behind.”

“But he was seen in San Antonio?”

“Yes, he was. Leaving the city. Two weeks ago. Now he could be anywhere. The question is, where he did go from there.” Jensen didn’t know why he’d lied but, for the moment, it seemed the right decision. He would never give up the channels he used to get his information. That would give away the secret of his success. 

“No one has a clue where he went to?”

“No one I found.” 

“Okay…at least I can tell Morgan he was there. Did you check the family?”

“What do you think I am? An idiot? They know nothing. The mother hasn’t spoken to him since he left home.”

“But why was he there then?”

“Probably to pine a little for what isn’t anymore. I have no clue, Jim. I’m just sure the woman didn’t lie.” Jensen knew he sounded cynical, but that was alright for the moment. 

“Okay…update me as soon as you know more.”

“I will, Jim.” …or I will not. Seconds later, Jensen was greeted by a dead dial tone. He closed his cell and threw it at the seat; desperately trying not to think about the reasons why he was lying to his boss. 

* * *

“Have you got him?” Jim looked at Samantha Ferris, his assistant. She was staring at the computer screen in front of her, searching for the GPS signal of JR’s cell. Moments later she had it.

“Gotcha. He is obviously leaving San Antonio eastwards.” 

“In the direction of Houston and Beaumont. Why do I have the feeling he’s lying?”

“Jim, you can’t say that. JR has brought everyone back so far. You have no reason to mistrust him.” It wasn’t the first time Samantha had tracked one of their hunters, but it was the first time Jim had asked her to look for JR Ackles. 

“We’ll see, Sam. We will see.” This job was too damn lucrative to go wrong. Jim would make sure of that.


	7. Settling back into life

“Hey neighbour, how’re you doing?” A hand landed on Jared’s shoulder. He was so startled that the bag with his groceries fell to the ground. He stumbled away from the man who had followed him in through the still open door, and he looked like a spooked wild animal. The other man raised his hands in apology, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He was visibly embarrassed. 

Jared avoided his gaze, snatched his grocery bag from the ground and mumbled, “It’s okay,” as he turned and literally ran away up the stairs and in to his apartment. There, he locked the door behind him, and put the security chain into place, before his groceries once again fell to the ground. He slumped against the door; his breathing uneven and ragged, panic just on the edge of his mind. He deliberately tried to calm himself down and he tried to regain his composure. That had been so stupid, but he had been so damn startled. 

Jared slid to the ground and led his forehead sink onto his knees. He’d lived here for two weeks now. and it wasn’t the first time one of his neighbours had spoken to him. He even had seen the dark haired guy from moments ago before and had probably said hello; and now this. 

“Goddamn! I’m such an idiot.” Here, in the security of his apartment, he was beyond embarrassed. He didn’t even want to think about the impression he’d made on the other man, but he hadn’t even had a chance to think. The hand on his shoulder had triggered a chain reaction. Someone had been behind him, someone he hadn’t seen come in. It was stupid to suspect an attack, but since he’d come to his senses a little, he was constantly afraid that JD would find him, and what had just happened was the result of that fear. 

Jared forced the tears back that threatened to fall. JD wouldn’t find him. He was far away from Vancouver. His husband had no chance of finding him here. He, himself, would have never expected to end up in Florida. There was no way JD had even an idea where he’d gone. 

He took another deep breath and stood up. He couldn’t change what had happened, and the best way for him was to not think about what he couldn’t fix anyway. Jared knew very well he would need a long time to mend his damaged mind. He’d lived in constant fear and humiliation for too long, had been beaten and abused – had been controlled. Again and again, he caught himself behaving in the way that JD had trained him to. It was a strenuous process to break those habits. He had to counteract it deliberately – if he realized what he was doing in time. 

Jared started putting away the groceries. He still bought too much. Not because he measured his needs for two, no, it was just because he could buy what he wanted. It was an incredible feeling, and made him happy every time. The thought made him smile again as he started to prepare his dinner. He was free, even if he had yet to get accustomed to it.

 

Later that evening, Jared sat on his small balcony, and was once again engrossed in dark thoughts. There were moments when he simply couldn’t bear how pathetic he’d been. And then there were the times he had no clue how to manage his own life, when doubts overpowered him, and he felt small and helpless. Jared hated it.

He was distracted by a quiet knock and looked up. The guy from the entrance hall stood behind the thin metal wall that separated the balcony segments for the different apartments, a beer bottle in his hand. It was the reason for the knock and, as Jared looked up, the guy held it out to him. 

“I didn’t want to startle you.” 

Jared gave a resigned smile. “I know…it’s just me. I’m…I’m a little jumpy sometimes.” The guy smiled back at him, and Jared was entranced by his handsome face.

“My name’s Tom. Tom Welling.”

“Jay Portman.”

“I know…Mike told me about you. Want a beer?” Jared hesitated for just a short moment, before he made up his mind, and took the beer.

~~*~~

“What the hell did you do to him?” Mike stared at Jared, who lay in his lounge chair with a crooked smile, and slept. Tom had taken away the thin metal wall, and they both had clearly had too much to drink. His lover just grinned up at him. 

“He needed some relaxing. Startled him out of his skin this afternoon. He’s damn jumpy.”

“I gave him a pint at the bar, and he didn’t drink the half of it and you…you got him inebriated.” Again Tom just grinned. He wasn’t as drunk as Jared, but he wasn’t sober either. 

“It was just two and a half.”

“Oh.” Mike opened a beer for himself, and fell in one of their lounge chairs. He’d told Tom to look out a little for their new neighbour. He had a feeling Jay needed some friends. He’d not expected Tom to start a drinking binge. “Seems there’s more Jay isn’t accustomed to. In the bar he said he isn’t accustomed to places like this.” Tom scrutinized Jared a little more.

“He’s scared out of his mind.”

“What?”

“You heard me. In my opinion, Jay is scared out of his mind. No clue what happened to him, but it was nothing nice.” That threw a completely new light on the young man. Mike knew his lover inside out. He seemed a happy, carefree guy, always smiling, always nice, and sometimes really dumb, but Tom had an eye for people. There weren’t a lot who could fool him. There was a reason he worked as nurse in a hospital. He could see when people hurt, when they were desperate, or when they had problems to work through regarding their situation, and he could take care of it all, without being pushy. 

“He didn’t talk, did he?”

“Not a word. He’s so accustomed to being closed off, it’s second nature. Even drunk.”

“Why the hell did you take the wall down?” Mike changed the subject, and Tom grinned a little wider.

“Because I wanted to.”

 

The next morning Jared woke up fully clothed on his bed, and had a throbbing headache. It didn’t take long for him to remember what had happened. 

“Oh God, what did I do NOW?” he grumbled, and tried to hold his eyes closed, ‘cause the bright morning light hurt his head even more. He sat up slowly and shielded his eyes with his hand, before daring to open them a little more. That was when he saw a bottle of water and some pills on the nightstand. 

Someone had been in his apartment. Jared started to panic. 

“Hey, Jay, are you up already?” a voice called from the living room, and paralysed him even more. A moment later the handsome face of his neighbour appeared at the door, and Jared saw a shadow flit over it. He’s realized you’re panicking. But Tom didn’t say a word. “How’s the head?”

“Killing me.” The panic dissolved involuntarily. He really didn’t want to show how scared he was. They had been drinking. Jared knew it hadn’t been much, but obviously it had been enough to upset his head. 

“That’s what the pills are for, stupid. Just wanted to check if you’re alright”, Tom started to explain then. “I have a late shift today, so no drinking tonight, unless you wait up till almost midnight.”

Definitely no drinking tonight Jared thought, but he said, “How did I get to bed?”

“Mike and I dragged you in.”

“Mike the bartender?” That made Tom laugh. 

“Mike, my partner. But they are the same person, even if I sometimes have my doubts.” This finally brought a shaky smile on Jared’s face. “You’re really okay?”

“Yeah…yeah I…I am. Just a little out of it.”

“Sorry we had to invade your privacy, but it wouldn’t have been wise to sleep on the balcony.”

“Definitely not. Thanks.”

“My pleasure. Okay, Jay. I have to run now. Take it slow today, you lightweight. Man, a guy as tall as you should be able to hold his alcohol. We have definitely to work on that.” That finally broke the last of Jared’s lingering anxiety and he smiled honestly. “See you. Ehm…is it okay if I let the wall down?”

“Sure.”

“And don’t be surprised if Mike shows up. I think he’ll sleep till late afternoon, but he said something about making sure I didn’t abuse you yesterday.” Jared felt a twinge at the word ‘abuse’ You have no clue what abusing means in my book, but he remembered something else.

“He looks out for his friends, right?”

“Yes, he does.” And with a wink Tom was gone. Jared rubbed his hands over his face. He was pretty sure Tom saw more then he was supposed to, but strangely it didn’t worry him. Somehow, he’d seemingly managed to find real friends for the first time in years, without even trying to. It was nice to feel cared for, even if the guys were still total strangers to him. 

* * *

This ‘not knowing Tom and Mike’ changed a lot faster than Jared would have expected. As promised, the bald bar owner had appeared in front of his balcony door late afternoon, grinning broadly and coming in without asking. Jared had suppressed his apprehension about this behaviour; and had never regretted it. 

The guy was entertainment at its’ best. He’d dissolved Jared’s mistrust within minutes, had the cheekiness to invite himself to dinner, and then appreciated Jared’s cooking skills, giving high praise. They’d sat and talked until Mike had to head out for his shift at the bar. From then, the two guys become kind of an instalment in Jared’s new life, and he didn’t mind in the slightest. 

On the contrary, he admired their casual relationship, and the clear adoration they had for each other. Within a week, he knew everything about their lives. He knew they both realized his was more reserved, but never asked, and this was something he appreciated greatly. He had problems thinking about his past without having nightmares; never mind talking about it. 

He talked about growing up in Texas, about college, and even about his wish to work as a teacher again, but never about something more personal. He avoided names and locations, and he knew very well Tom had registered that fact, but mostly he just smiled at Jared. 

Jared took a while to figure Tom out. He sometimes seemed so stupid and naïve, trusting and with a simple nature, but Jared realized very quickly that this wasn’t everything. Way more important was his caring and open personality, and slightly concerning for Jay, his ability to see people with all their flaws and worries. He was pretty sure that Tom knew something was wrong with him. He just was able to wait for him to talk of his own free will. There, you can wait for eternity had been his first thought at that, and it would stay that way, but whatever. 

Tom and Mike were nice guys. They clearly cared about him, even if he didn’t understand why. He would probably never trust them completely, and would hold on to his secrets, but he realized they were his friends, and that felt good. It lessened his worries a little, and he would definitely never again cut his ties like he had for JD when he left college. 

He even gave in the first time Mike asked him to go to the bar with them. Tom helped out there too sometimes, at the weekends, when he didn’t have to work at the hospital. Jared didn’t really like it, but he understood what they wanted to do: they wanted him out of his shell, wanted him to live, and he appreciated it.


	8. Predicaments

“Damn, Beaver. Can’t you understand I want results? He’s been gone for more than a month now. I want him back. I need him safe. You can’t tell me you know nothing. You’re getting a lot of money from this.” JD Morgan was pacing in Jim Beaver’s office. The former bounty hunter had been surprised to see him there. He’d already played havoc with Alona and Sam. Now he tried the same with him. 

“Mister Morgan. I understand your worry. I really do. But my employee told me from the beginning that this would be a difficult job.” Should he tell the lawyer Jared had led them on with California? It would probably show him what he meant. “I have to ask you in all honesty, do you really want the man back?” The look Morgan threw him was murderous. 

“Would I be here, if I didn’t want him back?” Jim rubbed over his face. Damn rich assholes! If it wasn’t for the money…

“Mister Morgan, there is something I didn’t tell you.” The man stiffened and threw him a wary look now. 

“What?”

“I know that Jared ran away intentionally. You really shouldn’t think I’m dumb. JR followed his lead to Palo Alto…and there he disappeared from the face of the earth. There is no doubt he wanted you to know he’d gone there. But from there he was nowhere to be found for a while. As I told you before, JR found his trail again in San Antonio, boarding a bus line. He is still finding out where to. Your husband’s doing everything to hide his tracks, Mister Morgan. I don’t know what to think about this.”

The eyes of the lawyer were ice cold, and Jim realized he was right. The asshole wanted the boy back no matter what; and it would clearly be against Jared’s will. Thank God he had JR on him. 

“How much for you to stop thinking, and just find him?” the dark haired man asked smoothly. 

“First: I don’t want to be connected to this.”

“Accepted.”

“Second: another one hundred and fifty grand. Half now, the rest when we’ve got him.”

“That’s a lot of money.”

“Do you want him back?”

“Can you bring him back?”

“JR’s found everyone I’ve put him on yet. And if he can’t, then you’ll just have to pay any expenses incurred on the job. I don’t take money for things I can’t accomplish. But there will never be anything official, no contracts, no nothing. You’ll just have to take my word.” God, this is damn risky. But it’s a job I can retire on. The lawyer didn’t take long for his answer.

“Okay. But tell this JR guy he should hurry up a little.” Damn, the boy really must be good in bed, asshole. Jim was taking a real dislike to Morgan, but money had always come first in his life. He wasn’t a bounty hunter for nothing. 

“I will try. Call me in the future on my private cell.” He gave Morgan a private business card. 

“I will order the money as soon as I’m in my office. Where should it go to?” Jim wrote his private account information on the back of the card.

“There…and I’ll push JR a little more.”

“I certainly hope so.” And, with that, Morgan left without saying goodbye. Jim had no problem with this. He had no wish to see the lawyer for any longer than necessary.

* * *

JD was pissed of to no end. His behaviour was erratic and aggressive for the whole of the rest of the day. The meeting with the bounty hunter had been dissatisfying. Six weeks. His boy had been gone for six weeks now. It was unbearable. He hadn’t been able to find a fitting substitute. Most of those stupid hookers couldn’t take anything. He’d had his fair share of them recently, and he knew very well that he’d need another one tonight.

Damn, I hope this idiot employee of Beaver’s finds you soon, honey. You will so pay for this. I will teach you a lesson you will never forget again. You are mine. Only mine. You have no right to go away. He shut his laptop down. It was impossible to concentrate on work with his inner turmoil. He needed distraction. Six weeks ago, he would have gone home and fucked Jared over the kitchen counter the moment he was through the door of his apartment, really hard and satisfying. 

But Jared was gone. And that was the reason for his inner turmoil. Once again, a pencil broke between his fingers. He wanted to lay his hands around Jared’s neck and press until he fainted, just for the sake of it. His honey was so pretty when he was helpless. He could do everything he wanted to him then. The thought of Jared unconscious alone made him hard in his pants. 

He brought himself back under control. Not the right time for this. First he had to leave office, and then he had to find a hooker, fast. 

 

Hours later, JD lay in a motel bed, an unconscious guy next to him. He hadn’t hesitated long this time. It was useless to go easy on them. Mostly they struggled and whined, even those who agreed to a hard ride. This one had fainted from the slightest pressure on his throat. He had fucked him this way twice, and felt at least a little satisfied. 

The dark haired boy had nothing on Jared through. Jared was his precious little jewel. Nothing would ever change that. There had been times in these six weeks when he had wanted to do nothing but kill him, but this was impossible. He was irreplaceable. That much he’d already realized; worth every penny he was paying Beaver to retrieve him. 

JD closed his eyes and visualized Jared next to him in the bed, unconscious and pliant, at his mercy. The thought aroused him once more. He wanted to mar Jared’s body, wanted to sink his teeth in his skin and draw blood, wanted to see his marks on his beautiful body. His, all his. 

Within moments he was hard again. He had to take the hooker as a substitute, but all he saw was Jared. The guy struggled a little. He whimpered, almost as submissively as Jared. JD was pleased. He was definitely worth his money. 

“Good boy…I’ll take care of you.” He murmured, while thrusting ruthless into the abused body under him until he groaned his release, and literally crushed the lighter man under him. JD heard his breath hitch. “Well done, hon. Well done. You’re a good boy.” 

“Get off of me.” The hooker coughed. 

“”Shh…you will wait until I WANT to get up.” He grabbed a fistful of dark hair, and lifted the boy’s head. His lips were bitten bloody and his eyes were glazed, but he remained silent. “Good boy.”

When JD left, not much later, the hooker still lay naked and unmoving on the bed. All that was heard of him was his ragged breathing. It’s a shame, really. I really thought better of you. But you’re not Jared. You just aren’t. He nevertheless left an extra fifty on the nightstand. 

* * *

“Damn it all to Hell, JR! Where the hell have you been? This the second day I’ve tried to reach you.” Jensen took the cell away from his ear at hearing Jim literally screaming in his receiver. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t known the man wanted something from him, after seeing the twelve calls in two days. He just hadn’t wanted to talk to his boss, considering that he still hadn’t found any trace of Jared in Miami. 

“What do you want? I have a job to do…and you so owe me for this. This is by far the shittiest job you ever threw at me.” He ranted back. 

“Where are you?”

“Miami.”

“You sure he’s there?”

“No. I couldn’t follow a clear lead. I think he is somewhere in Florida, but where I can’t tell. I’m not sure I want to do this any longer.” Jensen was so fed up, he just wanted to throw the money back at Beaver, and leave this mess behind. 

He booted his laptop, and stared once again at the picture he’d made from the security video. He knew Jared had left the bus in Miami. And he hadn’t taken another from there, as far as Jensen knew. He’d raided the motels near by, ‘cause it had been evening when Jared’s bus had arrived. No result. He had no idea, how to get any further, and glared at the picture, while Jim tried do coax some information out of him. 

“You think he still used a Greyhound.”

“He started with it in San Antonio. Why would he switch busses?”

“What if he fears tracking? “ Now, when this isn’t a new piece of information, Jim. Jensen listened a little closer. Why the hell did Beaver suspect Jared fearing possible pursuers suddenly? Jensen immediately decided to cut information short. 

The good thing was, HE knew, Jared didn’t switch bus lines. He just couldn’t figure out where he had gone after he had left the bus, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to anymore.

“It’s a possibility. I’ll check this out.”

“You’re sure you’ve got the right station?” Jim definitely wanted him to find Jared Morgan. That much was clear to Jensen, and it worried him a little. Then he caught up on what his boss had said. Did he have the right station? Jensen was pretty sure of it, but it couldn’t hurt to check later.

“Yeah, I’m sure, Jim. I’ve checked everything possible. I’ve checked motels, diners, even asylums.” That was a lie, but whatever. “Listen. I’ll give this another three days, and then I’m out of it. He doesn’t want to be found. That much is certain. And even if I think he’s here in Miami, he could be in New York. All he would’ve needed to do would’ve been to switch lines in Jacksonville or Tallahassee. Jim, I tell you, I’m not sure I can find him without another lead, or a great deal of luck. He’s no average criminal, pulling cons as he travels.” There was silence on the line for some moments, then he heard Jim say:

“IF you find him, then there’s another ten grand in for you.”

Well…FUCK. “Okay. What aren’t you telling me?” Something was definitely wrong here. 

“There’s nothing I haven’t told you. It’s just…the lawyer’s treading on my toes. He wants his husband back.”

“Probably he shouldn’t have given him reason to run then.” Jensen poked.

“JR, that’s none of our business. We just have to bring him back. That’s what we get the money for.”

“Yeah, yeah…I see. But as I said, I don’t know how long I’ll go with this. I’m fed up. And the boy isn’t an idiot.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear. Do your job, JR. I know you’re worth the money.” Jensen hung up after that. He didn’t want to hear more from his boss. The new money offer had just rattled him a little more. Something was so wrong in this case, but once again the money silenced Jensen’s conscience. 

 

Despite everything Jensen never would anyone let say he didn’t do his job right, and so he checked half an hour later to see if he really had had the right station, just to have to admit he sometimes was an arrogant idiot. 

He’d hacked into the security system, and knew there were two Greyhound stations at Miami. Jensen had checked out the second one, further south, because it had been the first he came across, and had resembled the picture. Now he had to realize he’d been wrong. The video feed was almost identical on both stations. Jared definitely had come in on the other one. 

It didn’t take long to get there, check out the surroundings, and find the motel where Jared had stayed ten days, under the name Jay Portman. It wasn’t a big problem to convince the girl behind the reception desk to tell him everything she knew about Jared. He learned that, among other things, he’d asked for a bar called Tallon in Key Largo, and had checked out the same night he’d been there, three weeks ago.


	9. Decisions to be made

“Mike, really, I don’t want to come. You know very well it’s not my kind of thing!”

“What? You’re telling me my beloved Tallon isn’t your kind of thing?” Mike seemed truly offended. “What am I supposed to think about such a statement? Tom…did you hear him? Did you hear what he just said? The Tallon is NOT his kind of thing. I’m outraged.” Jared hoped for Tom’s understanding, ‘cause he’d told the other man crowded rooms made him nervous, and the Talon was crowded at the weekends, but he was soundly disappointed. 

“You should be.” Tom grinned at the pout that appeared on Jared’s handsome face. 

“I was there the last two Saturdays, and this Wednesday. I don’t want to go out every weekend, and I’ve had enough for this week.” 

“You insulted my BAR.” Mike was back in the fight. Jared scowled at him. 

“I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“No, I didn’t. I just said…”

“You said it wasn’t your kind of thing.”

“I know what I said.”

“That’s an insult.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I want proof. I want proof it’s not an insult.”

“How ‘m I supposed to prove this?” Jared knew he’d made a mistake the moment he saw Mike’s wide manic grin. 

“You have to come and give it another try. That would be proof.” Mike bounced out of Jared’s balcony door to their apartment, and Jared looked at Tom helplessly.

“How does that happen again and again?” He’d lost count of the times Mike had talked him in to things he didn’t want to do. Tom chuckled. 

“You get defensive and he takes advantage of it. He does that. You lose your focus when you get defensive, and he jumps on that every time. Come on. Don’t pout. We’ll just go for a beer. And I’ll even call you a cab when you want to go home. I really want someone sane there, at least for a while.”

“As if you can’t cope with the insane without any problems.” Jared mocked and, once again, Tom just grinned. 

“Get your stuff and come. And the faster you realize that Mike will make you love the Tallon, no matter what, the better.” Jared just shook his head before he did what Tom said. 

 

An hour later he sat at his usual place at the end of the bar, observing the masses of guests surrounding him, and mused how much his life had changed since he’d met Tom and Mike. It was the fourth time Mike had pressured him to go with them, just for some fun. Jared would never admit it, but he liked the Tallon. He really did, at least on weekdays. The weekends were a horror for him. There were simply too many people. Usually, he just tried to blend in with the shadows, nursed his ‘one’ beer the whole evening, and played people watching. It was almost something he could like.

And he did like the moments his friends behind the bar had some time and chatted with him. He loved to watch Tom and Mike interact. By now, he knew that Mike was overprotective and a wanna be alpha male, but stood no chance against his lover. Tom had the gift of persuasion. He almost always got his own way, without Mike realizing it. This sometimes made Jared a little pissed at the dark haired man. 

He knew Tom could convince Mike to let him be when he didn’t want to go out, but he didn’t. That told him that Tom agreed with Mike that Jared needed to get out more. Jared didn’t, at least, not at the weekends. 

“Hey Jay-man, how’re you doing?” Mike leaned over the counter and grinned at him. “Still thinking that this isn’t your kinda thing? Nothing in here that you like?” They had the subject of Jared’s sexual preferences worked out within the first week, thanks to Mike’s persistence. 

Jared pouted. “Definitely not. Not even you.” He shot back, but this didn’t disturb Mike. 

“I’m not available. I love my squishy Tommy-toy.” Jared snorted. That much had always been obvious to him. “You can’t decide you don’t like anything when you don’t even try.” The glare he got from Jared made him grin even wider. They’d figured out that Jared was adverse to any kind of physical interaction. He avoided touch, even from them. That’s why he sat at the end of the bar surrounded by regular customers who would never try anything, and Mike would make sure it always stayed that way. Pushing Jared was just a running joke for him, since he’d realized it pissed him of, without really putting him off. 

“Another beer?” Mike grabbed Jared’s bottle and made a face. “Jay-man, you’re supposed to drink it, not to warm it up to body temperature.” He emptied Jared’s half full bottle into the sink, and put a new one in front of him. Jared couldn’t help but grin at this. 

It was an hour later that things started to go downhill. 

As usual on Saturdays, a live band played on the bar’s little stage. Tom was on his break, and Mike was serving customers at the other end of the bar. Jared was basically on his own, not particularly a bad thing, at least not until that guy showed up. 

“Hey, pretty, can I buy you a drink?” Jared had noticed him, but decided to ignore him as he took the empty bar stool next to his. There was no reason to worry ‘cause till now nobody had made any advances in his direction, and he didn’t expect anything else. That changed instantly, as this guy looked at him with dark hungry eyes.

“No thanks. I’m good.” He managed to get out. He turned to face the bar and hunched into himself to become invisible.

“Hey, no reason to hide, pretty. I just want to talk a little.” Sure, you want to talk went through Jared’s head. Why do I draw in these types? Seriously, what kind of vibes do I give off? The man next to him wasn’t particularly conspicuous. Not as tall as Jared, but stronger built, dark haired with stubble, and a little older, but Jared had a certificate in mistrust, and his instinct didn’t betray him, not often; not anymore.

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Oh, come on, just a little chit chat.” And there it was. ‘NO’ wasn’t enough. Jared could smell the alcohol on the other man’s breath. He felt threatened, and thus intimidated. 

“I said no.” Jared’s voice was shaky. This was the reason he hated places like this, there were always guys who couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, especially when they were drunk. He shoved his beer away, and stood up. 

“Hey, don’t run off. I’m sure we can find something we’ve got in common.” A hand grabbed his arm, and Jared had to suppress the panic. He didn’t say anything else, just freed himself. He didn’t even take the time to look for Mike or Tom. He just ran out of the Tallon, outside for fresh air to get his panic under control, out of this man’s reach. He hadn’t realized that the guy had followed him. 

~

Jensen sank a little deeper in the seat of the Impala. He’d followed Jared for three days now, and couldn’t make any sense of his behaviour. 

Once more, coincidence had helped out when he’d been at a loss. Key Largo wasn’t nearly as big as Miami, but Jared was nevertheless a needle in a haystack, and Jensen was without a clue where to look for him. However, as usual, Fortune had smiled for Jensen when he needed her and he’d run across the guy in a grocery store. He’d needed two good looks at his bowed head until he realized what was so strange about the guy; tall as a tree and guarded like someone on the run, and then he had looked again, and been totally shocked at the changes Jared Morgan had made. 

Sure, he was still guarded and reserved, but the stylish and collected exterior was gone. Instead, there was a shy, quiet guy, with too much darkness in his eyes, eyes that avoided direct looks and eye contact. He looked years younger than his age, what with his new casual look, the short hair and the youthful clothes. And he seemed at ease. 

Jensen had watched him in the store, waited for him to go out, waited for a chance to grab him and bring him back to where he was wanted. Catch him, and take the money and run, had been his agenda. And then he’d followed him out of the store, observed him while he clearly carefully checked his surroundings, the street and the corners, before he made his way down the street. Instead of grabbing him, Jensen followed him, not for the first time. 

He’d been surprised as the dynamic duo, in the shape of two guys, came into the picture, and had to ask himself how they’d managed to overpower Jared enough to be accepted by him. It didn’t take long to discover he was right. They’d overpowered Jared, but Jensen had quickly realized they meant no harm to him. They’d dragged him along, and clearly pulled him out of his shell, at least sometimes. Jensen had the means to check Michael Rosenbaum and Tom Welling out. They were squeaky clean. Welling was a soft hearted man who loved to care for people, and Rosenbaum was a clever little fucker who knew how to make money without stepping over boundaries. He may have had problems with drugs in the past, but since meeting Welling he’d been clean. And he was one for a show. Jensen had no doubts Rosenbaum overpowered Jared on daily basis. 

Jensen avoided direct contact with the two guys – and he knew very well why. He still didn’t know what to do, but it wouldn’t be helpful if he questioned Mike and Tom and then appeared around Jared. They would want an explanation, he wasn’t ready to give. 

He hadn’t known what to do when he’d found Jared at the store, despite his agenda, and he was none the wiser three days later. The guy was struggling to get back a life he’d probably lost years ago, and Jensen couldn’t see any progress except for the fact that he’d freed himself when he got the chance. He was a nice guy, friendly and polite; quiet and shy and ridiculously cute; not someone who should be held in a cage like the one Morgan had obviously put him in.

And he was scared and jumpy when surprised, even with Welling and Rosenbaum. Whatever Jensen wanted to think, he no longer needed proof about the relationship between JD Morgan and his husband. Jared WAS a victim, Morgan’s victim; his toy and his property. He had to ask himself what it was that Morgan had done that’d caused the guy to run. It couldn’t have been harmless. Jared was way too subdued, too scared, and too paralysed when confronted with unexpected situations, contact or strangers. The lawyer had severely broken him, and that alone should’ve been answer enough for Jensen’s internal questions. 

With every minute he watched Jared Morgan, he resented this job more. He didn’t want to put this handsome guy back under Morgan’s obviously cruel hand. He couldn’t be that guy. So now he sat in his car and thought about his options. He didn’t really want to give back the money he’d already received, but he definitely didn’t want to deliver Jared Morgan, and so he was still musing over his options when Jared hastily exited the bar, looking harassed, and disappeared into an alley next to the bar.

Bad decision, boy. Separation from the crowd, out of view. Hiding doesn’t always help. What are you doing, Jay? A moment later he knew, as another guy came out of the bar, looked and disappeared into the alley too. Jensen was out of his car so fast, he didn’t even realize what he was doing until he was in the alley. Once there, he knew he’d done the right thing

“Hey, pretty, what are you running from? We both want the same thing. I’m a nice guy. We’ll have fun.” There was an almost inaudible ‘no’ as an answer, but no kind of resistance. Jared was paralysed. “God, I like them tall, dark and handsome. Especially when they’re as easy as you.”

“Fuck off, asshole. Go get sober.” Jensen grabbed the guy by his neck and pulled him away from Jared. Jared stumbled against the wall, scared out of his wits. With Jensen in the equation the other guy didn’t even try to resist, he just turned and ran. Jensen didn’t spare him another glance as he advanced on Jared. “You okay?” He just touched Jared’s shoulder, without force or threat, but Jared shrank back. He looked up with desperation in his eyes.

“Please, no….” he whimpered, obviously caught in his own headspace. Jensen took his hand away from Jared’s shoulder, horrified at the amount of fear in his stance, but it was obviously too late for Jared to escape his fear. He coughed for air, and seemingly couldn’t get enough, hand at his throat and eyes wide with panic. The next instant, he fainted. 

Jensen barely caught him before he fell to the ground. He’s way too light; way too fragile went stupidly though his head while he held Jared close. His head lay droopily on Jensen’s shoulder; his now calm breath stirred his hair. How the hell did I end up in this mess? Jensen realized very quickly he was well and truly fucked.


	10. Caught up in duty

Jensen had a few problems getting Jared to the Impala. He might not weigh that much, but he was really tall, even taller in reality than on the pictures. He got some strange looks, but no one tried to stop him after he muttered a little about light-weight boyfriends. No one realized Jared was unconscious. Jensen sweated as he finally let Jared slide into the passenger seat of his car. Jensen checked his pulse, to make sure there were no problems except the unconsciousness. 

Everything seemed okay. His heartbeat was fast but regular; his breathing had evened out again now that he’d fainted and was safe from the panic. He still was tensed up, but that was all. Jensen’s lips were nevertheless pressed into a thin line as he walked over to the driver’s side. It was bad enough Jared had fainted from a panic attack, but he considered the reasons behind the faint even worse.

That fucking guy had just advanced on him sexually; no threats, no violence, just a slightly aggressive approach. He hadn’t even tried to hold him or assault him, but Jared had been so caught up in fear that he’d fallen into panic, a panic so strong that it’d made him faint. He threw the guy a glance as he stopped for a red light. What had happened to a tall and carefree student to cause him to fall into such a state of terror?

Jensen, unfortunately, had a vivid imagination, and the persistence the lawyer was showing in trying to get the boy back just added to it. It made the hair on his arms stand up, and anger crawl over his skin when he looked at the handsome young man in the passenger seat. If he’d needed any proof of strong abuse in the relationship, he had it now. 

Jensen cursed a blue streak in his head, while he headed for his motel. He knew that he could bring Jared home to his apartment, could tell him Morgan was looking for him and then leave, but he’d always had a strong sense of responsibility and, at the moment, he didn’t even want to think about the consequences Jared would have probably to endure, should Morgan find him somehow. 

Minutes later he stopped in front of his motel room, and was thankful he could park the car directly outside the room. It made the task of getting Jared out of the car, and into the room, much easier. Once he was finally inside, he carefully let him slide down onto the king-sized bed, took his flip-flops off and drew the blanket over him. It wasn’t really cold but the boy was shivering, clammy, and was sweating, probably as a result of the panic attack. That done, he just stood there, and looked down at Jared for what seemed an eternity.

“FUCK.” Jensen rubbed a hand over his face, as he at last turned and stepped back out onto the porch, pulling a crumpled pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He lit one, sitting down on the steps. He knew very well why Jared wasn’t at home but in his room instead. It was time to admit it to himself. 

Chris would have a huge laugh at your expense again, Ackles he mused quietly. That was the reason he’d concentrated his business on real criminals. His fucking conscience couldn’t get in the way there. On this job, it had built a wall; a wall that had made him bring Jared here, instead of taking him home. 

“First things first.” Jensen dragged hard on his cigarette, and fumbled for his cell. He had to tell Mrs. Padalecki her son was safe and well. It was thankfully the woman self who answered the phone. She was very quite and didn’t say much; probably her family was around and she didn’t want them to hear, but the quiet ‘thank you’ was enough for Jensen. She cared, even when she didn’t want him to tell Jared.

The next call would be a little more difficult and Jensen braced him self. In Vancouver, it was luckily still early enough to give Jim Beaver a severe shock. Beaver answered his phone almost instantly. 

“JR…you got him?” Jensen was instantly pissed.

“No Jim. I don’t have him, and I will not get him. It’s over. I’m out of this. You’ll get your money back within three days.” He snapped.

“What?” Jim sounded incredulous. 

“You heard me. I’m out of this. This job is too fucking intense, and way too dodgy.”

“Ahh…JR, what is it with the morals? That isn’t you.”

“You don’t know me…and that’s none of your business. But just so you know…we both have a very clear idea why Morgan wants his husband back so badly. I will not help him. And I will not look for Jared Morgan anymore. I’m out of this. I’m taking a vacation…for an indefinite period. I’ll let you know when I’m coming back…IF I come back. Bye, Jim.” And with that, he shut his phone and turned it off. 

Jensen took another cigarette out and lit it. As he finished it, he went to the trunk of the Impala, opened it and took the lid from another small compartment. In there were his American papers and another cell. He switched it on and dialled. The answer came within seconds.

“Never would’ve guessed I’d ever see this number again, Agent Ackles.” Jensen rolled his eyes at Chris’ comment.

“Former agent, you mean…and we both know it’s better this way.” On the other end of the line, Chris chuckled. 

“You don’t mind if I think otherwise, but whatever? What is it that’s making you shed your Canadian identity? You didn’t take that damn job, did you?” Jensen couldn’t help but blush, and stayed silent. “Oh…come on, Jenny, since when are you such a money whore?” The blush deepened, and Jensen was happy Chris couldn’t see him. He closed the trunk, and went slowly back to the porch to sit down on the steps again. He could see the bed from there. Jared was curled up in the blanket like a small child. Obviously, he had switched from unconsciousness directly to sleep. 

“You have to live.” He countered Chris’ reproach. 

“As a money whore? Jen…I told you the day they discharged you; you’re made for something better. It’s a shame you work for that vulture over in Vancouver. When’s the next time we can get together? I have a feeling you need a sound thumping, and I want it to do myself.” That forced a laugh out of Jensen.

“When will be the next time you’re in Florida?”

“You’re where?” Chris sounded incredulous.

“Key Largo…Florida.”

“You’re kidding me?”

“I’m not. You can put a trace on me if you want.”

“Jensen, why are you calling me?” Suddenly his friend was serious, and Jensen couldn’t help but smile. Chris simply knew him too well. Calls like this one were never for free on his part. If he called Chris for fun, he did it in the middle of the night, just to piss him off.

“I need to know if someone tried to trace me in the last thirty minutes through my other cell.” There was silence for a moment, and then he heard Chris curse.

“How the fuck can they do this?” Jensen was alarmed.

“Did they get to me?” He asked, hurriedly. Chris became professional. It surprised Jensen again and again that he risked his own career for Jensen this way. He wasn’t supposed to help a civilian.

“They tried, and they traced you as far as the south-east US.”

“He knows I’m in Florida. That means he wanted to know where I actually am.”

“They didn’t come this far. You switched off fast enough. Jen, what’s up with this job?”

“Not over the phone, Chris.”

“I’ll be home in an hour. We will talk on IM then.” With this, the line went dead. Jensen put the cell away and smoked another cigarette, before going inside. 

There he stood once again and stared down at Jared. It was as he’d feared it would be. Jim seemed to have realized instantly he was serious, and tried to find him; a sure sign he wouldn’t simply give up, and even suspected Jensen was closer than he’d let on. 

That meant he was the one who’d put Jared Morgan in serious danger of being found by his abusive husband – all for money. The decision was simple. He had to make sure that would never happen. The lucky thing was that he was probably the best person for this job, even if he didn’t like it. 

“FUCK.” He had once sworn to protect life and justice, with his own life if necessary. He might’ve turned away from those vows when he’d lost his job at the Bureau, but his conscience would never ignore these duties he’d made his own a long time ago. If he could protect this guy, then it was alright.

 

Jensen was in the middle of his chat with Chris, when Jared stirred on the bed. He’d endured a severe verbal bashing, via IM, from his friend, and it wasn’t even for the fact that he’d taken the job. The bashing was for the fact that he’d ever even considered bringing Jared back for money, all the while knowing he was on a man hunt. That was against all the codes he’d once adhered to. 

Jensen didn’t need to hear this anymore. He had woken up from blissful ignorance the moment Jared had fainted from sheer fright. Now they were in a heated argument about how to go forward, but Jared’s nightmare was impossible to ignore, and he put Chris on hold to go over to him. 

The young man writhed on the bed, the blanket gone. He was bathed in a cold sweat, his fringe plastered to his forehead, and his movements’ jerky. Jensen saw him trying to protect his head with his arms while he curled into himself more and more. His sobbing was so quiet, Jensen almost couldn’t hear it. It touched something in him he’d ignored for years now. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed and carefully reached for Jared’s hands, remembering all too clearly his reaction in the alley back at the bar. 

“Shhhh…it’s alright. It’s a dream.” As expected, the boy flinched away. Jensen didn’t let him and he stiffened, hazel eyes blinking, unfocused. “You’re safe, Jay. I’m not gonna hurt you. Everything is alright.” Jensen had always been good at the psychological aspect of the job. His voice was soothing, his hands soft. Pressure just would scare Jared more. He was still trying to escape, and Jensen was sure he hadn’t really been conscious ‘til now. He tried another tactic. “He isn’t here. He’s far away. He can’t get to you anymore.” That stilled Jared. His breath was still ragged, his body tensed up, but the reference to someone else not being there obviously took the fear’s edge away. 

Jensen suspected Jared’s mind was playing tricks on him. He seemed to take the terror from the evening and mix it up with things from the past. Jensen couldn’t help but softly caress his hands, still held safely, but without any force. To his absolute shock, Jared moved closer to him, his fingers were clutching suddenly around his own, his face was pressing into Jensen’s side. Like a kitten looking for protection. God, what has he done to you? 

Jensen didn’t ask himself if what he was doing was right. He just knew there was no way out from this anymore. He was in way too deep. Without hesitation, he pulled the still shivering man into his arms. He felt his fingers grip his clothes, and heard Jared take a deep ragged breath as he buried his face in his shoulder. 

He might not be the reason Jared was in this mess, but he would do what he could to get him out of it. It was his duty.


	11. A strange sensation

Jared woke slowly. He felt unusually comfortable, and didn’t really want to wake up. It was just the bright sunshine that made him give in. It had to be at least late morning if the sun was shining in his bedroom so brightly. Only then did he realize that he wasn’t in his bedroom. 

The bed he lay on wasn’t his, the room it stood in was foreign, and the clock on the nightstand showed seven in the morning. He shot upright and, panicked, looked around, remembering the events of the last evening. Oh God…oh God no…please no…Just no. He tried to assess his situation, tried to remember what had happened to him, but already felt the tightness in his chest, as he started gasping for air.

“Hey, you alright there?” Jared heard a voice penetrating his panic, and literally snapped out of it. He fixed his gaze on a guy with glasses, sat at a laptop, on the other side of the room.

“Who are you?...Where…where am I?” Jared clutched the blanket, and drew it to his chest, as if it could protect him. The man turned and looked over at him, as Jared realized he’d slept in his jeans and shirt.

“I’m Jensen Ross. And you’re in my motel room. I didn’t know where to deliver you.” He winked and grinned slightly. Jared was a little transfixed by this, and shook his head slightly to clear it. 

‘Fuck off, asshole. Go get sober.’ ‘You okay?’ Hands on his shoulders; startling green eyes. Memories flashed through his mind.

“You’re the guy from the alley. You helped me.” stated Jared breathlessly, and almost disbelieving that he’d been so lucky someone had made sure he was safe. 

“Should I have left you there?” The grin on the strangers face grew a little wider, and Jared blushed.

“NO.” he blurted. “No…thanks.”

“I thought so, and my pleasure…You really alright?” Was he alright? Jared looked away from the guy and flexed his fingers. “Can I know your name?” The man asked, and Jared’s gaze flew back up to him. This Jensen didn’t even know him and had, nonetheless, helped him.

“Jay…I’m Jay Portman.” Jensen chuckled quietly.

“Hi, Jay. Want some coffee? It isn’t the best from the vending machine, but you look like you need it.” Jared’s eyes met the bright green ones of the other man. He felt oddly drawn to Jensen Ross, and was totally surprised at the feeling. 

“That would be nice.” Jensen stood and came over with a coffee in a paper cup. 

“Careful. It’s hot. I just got it.” Jared took it and started sipping the hot brew, forcing himself not to look at the man. This is surreal…absolutely surreal. I should be in full panic mode by now. That made him stumble over his own thoughts. Jensen Ross had just helped him out of an ugly situation; an ugly situation he had brought on himself. Jared rubbed his left hand over his eyes.

“You are sure you’re alright?” Once again, Jensen interrupted his thoughts, and Jared looked up at him. He couldn’t remember the last time was someone had taken any interest in his wellbeing. Unintentionally, a small smile appeared on his lips, ‘cause it felt good.

“That coffee is terrible.” 

Jensen started laughing. “Thank you very much.” 

Jared blushed crimson, realizing what he had just said, and started stuttering. 

“I’m…I’m sorry…I didn’t want to…to offend you.” For a moment, a shadow seemed to appear in those bright green eyes, but it disappeared so quickly that Jared believed he’d imagined it. He saw Jensen pucker his lips, and draw his brows together.

“Just for that, I really think I can demand some proper coffee…or at last a diner with decent coffee.” He stated, mock serious a grin crinkling his eyes and curling his lips. Jared blushed even deeper.

“That’s right. I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t need to be sorry. I know the coffee is horrible. That’s why I need to pressure you into helping me out here.” Jensen joked. “‘cause I love coffee…good one. And I haven’t found a decent diner yet.” He explained further. Jared threw him a suspicious glance.

“How long’ve you been in Key Largo?”

“Yesterday.” At this Jared grinned in relief, and shook his head. “You want a shower? Or at least to freshen up a little?” 

“Yeah. That would probably be a good idea. I think I really have a lot to thank you for.” Jared shoved the blanket away and got up. He could really do with a little cold water for his overheated face. What was it about this guy that made him blush regularly? 

 

Jensen followed Jared with his eyes to the bathroom, and stared at the laptop screen after he had disappeared in there. He had waited for Jared to wake up; intrigued as to how he would react in this unusual situation. As expected, he had started panicking, but Jensen had seen it coming, and had broken him out of it startlingly easily. It just showed how guarded the guy was. He clearly was afraid to be helpless in the presence of other people; not surprising in his situation. 

Too much trust would be clearly a disadvantage for him; but on the other side Jared was too jumpy. It was too simple to override him and, as soon as he realized it, his fear got out of hand and let him fall apart. In a worst case scenario, he went into full panic mode. 

Low self esteem. No trust in his own abilities; not even his intimidating height made him confident. Way too submissive. FUCKING well trained. Jensen realized quickly that it would be difficult to bring him out of this. It would start with standing up for himself, and would have to end with developing the courage to stand up for his own interests. 

Jensen rubbed both hands over his face, once again cursing his own stupidity. He was fairly sure Jim Beaver would have had a huge problem finding the guy. But he’d found Jared for him, and now he was stuck with the fact that he couldn’t leave him in danger, to be found by his boss and Morgan.

Well done, Jen. Really well done. Thank god he could make a living, anywhere, what with his widespread education for the Bureau. 

~

An hour later, to Jensen’s absolute surprise, they stood in front of Jared’s apartment building. Obviously, Jared felt obligated to make sure Jensen really got good coffee and breakfast. He hadn’t expected this. It showed a trust Jensen considered astonishing for Jared, but obviously the fact he’d come through the night unscathed was enough. 

On one hand he felt flattered; on the other he was already worried about it again. He needed a while to realize this behaviour was anything but normal for Jared. 

They sat on the high counter that separated the kitchen from the living room and, with his barstools, served as a breakfast table. Just then, Welling appeared at the balcony door, the expression on his face clearly puzzled, seeing the two men inside. Jared didn’t hesitate to let him in, but this wasn’t surprising. Surprising was the look that Jensen got from Welling. He was visibly shocked and a little mistrusting too to see someone else in Jared’s apartment. 

He could have come to the usual conclusions, but he didn’t. He just looked at Jared questioningly, and Jared obviously felt obliged to answer the wordless question. 

“Tom, that’s Jensen Ross. He helped me out last night. Jensen, Tom Welling, my neighbour.” By now another cup of coffee stood on the counter, and Jensen had the impression that this was a regular occurrence. Jensen exchanged a handshake with a guy he probably knew better than Jared did, thanks to the fact he had screened him thoroughly beforehand. Tom settled on the barstool next to his.

“Jay, where the hell did you disappear to last night? We were worried.” Once again Jared blushed.

“I…I wanted to go home…and the both of you were nowhere in sight. I’m sorry.”

“What happened?” Tom looked at Jensen. “Why did you need help?”

“Uhm…there…I…” Jarred stuttered. He obviously had no idea what to say.

“He had some trouble. I just helped him out. He promised me coffee. Good coffee.” Jensen saw Jared lower his head in relief, but Tom wasn’t satisfied; his attention now on Jensen. 

“I’m a little surprised. Jay usually jumps when spoken to the wrong way.” Jensen could see Jared blush even deeper at this. “You must have done a hell of a job helping him out, that he brings you home.” There was no suggestion, but Jensen could sense slight distrust. Obviously Welling had a strong intuition about people, and sensed there were things off with Jared. He couldn’t understand Jared had brought him here. 

Jensen just shrugged his shoulders. He wouldn’t give any more information about what had happened. That was up to Jared.

Jared, unsurprisingly, didn’t want to explain, and tried to distract Tom; successfully. 

“I just had to prove my coffee making skills to Jensen.” Tom laughed.

“That I think you’ve done.” They bantered on a little. Tom tried to find out what had happened the night before, and Jared was really remarkable in his evasive skills. Jensen just drank his coffee quietly, and observed. 

It was obvious Jared hadn’t said anything about his past. Tom wanted really to know, but no matter how carefully he tried to pump him for information, he apparently couldn’t find a way to make Jared talk. He didn’t even drop any hints. As Jared disappeared into the bathroom to finally take a shower, Jensen just smiled secretly when he felt Tom’s speculative look on himself. 

“So who are you then, except Jensen Ross?” He asked a moment later. Jensen chuckled.

“Really, I just helped him out a little. He offered coffee in exchange, and as I said, I’ll do anything for a decent cup of coffee.”

“What did you help him out with?” Tom was obviously not being as considerate with him as with Jared and asked directly, his slight distrust back.

“That’s his story to tell.” At this Tom laughed.

“Trust Jay to find someone who’s as secretive as he is to bond with.”

“I’m not secretive. It’s just not my place to tell.”

“And what do you do for a living?” There was a certain emphasis in this question, and Jensen asked himself automatically, just what had Tom so worried? Obviously, they were really protective over Jared. Yeah, how protective we’ve seen but, on the other hand, both guys had no clue what had happened to Jared. 

“At the moment, I’m on the move. I needed something new. Don’t know what to do next, or where to do it. I just arrived here yesterday.”

“What did you do before?” Jensen had to hide his amusement. Tom really seemed to be overprotective, and he was clearly very intrigued. 

“Personal trainer.” He said the first thing that came to mind. 

“Wow. That’s a job you can do anywhere. Will you stay around?”

“Probably, at least for a while. As I said, I just arrived yesterday. I haven’t decided what to do next. What about you? What are you doing? You’re a friend of Jay’s?” Tom sipped his coffee.

“Think so. Had to persuade him a little, but I think I can call him a friend. So can Mike.”

“Who’s Mike?”

“My boyfriend.” They made a little more small talk while Jensen waited for Jared to reappear, so he could say goodbye, in the hope Jared wanted to stay in contact. He needed to give him space, and didn’t want to make a clingy first impression. It had surprised him enough that Jared had taken him home, and he didn’t want to overdo things. 

It wasn’t long before Jared came back from his shower, his hair still wet. Jensen gulped. The guy really was adorable in his own way. He was lucky Tom was looking in Jared’s direction and didn’t see his face. Without further delay, he slipped from his barstool. 

“Hey, Jay. It was really nice of you to invite me for breakfast, but I think I should go now. You must have things to do as well.” He couldn’t be sure, but he almost had the impression Jared was a little disappointed. He didn’t object though.

“Oh…If…if you have to.” Jensen saw Tom frown from out of the corner of his eye and then start grinning at Jared’s behaviour. 

“Yeah…I don’t know if I’m going to stay at the motel, and need to check out in time.” It was a feeble excuse, but he had no other better ideas right then. To his absolute surprise Tom was jumping in at this moment.

“Hey…What about you meet us at the Tallon this evening? We can talk a little more, have some drinks…and probably Jay-man will tell us what you helped him out with.” Jensen saw Jared pale a little and knew Welling had him in a headlock. It would be difficult to refuse without explaining why, when Jensen said ‘yes’, but he needed the chance to stay in contact; probably even come a little closer, even if Tom probably had his reasons to invite him, so he answered:

“Yeah…why not?”

“But just to be safe…it’s a gay bar.” Jensen showed his brightest grin and cocked his eyebrow. 

“You think I got a problem with this?” Tom laughed.

“Okay...I don’t think so. It’s a deal then. I think we will be there around 9pm. Right, Jay?” Jay pouted but nodded. Steamrolled over once again Jensen thought but he was more then happy with this development.


	12. Adjustments

Jim Beaver woke up from a restless night’s sleep. He had two days to solve the problem with the Morgan case, and no clue what to do. JR backing out was the last thing he would have expected. The damn bastard had always done his job, but now he was showing scruples. That was a real shame, but Jim was never one to give up on something. 

He was fairly sure Ackles was still down in Florida, and he suspected there were certain reasons for that. Jim wouldn’t have been so successful in this business if he hadn’t relied on his gut instincts all his life, and his instincts told him JR had found Jared Morgan, and had changed his mind because of him. Jim had seen pictures of the guy. He wasn’t surprised that JR had gone for him. He’d just expected more professionalism from the idiot. However, there was a simple way to get back on track. He just had to find JR Ackles. 

An hour later, Jim stood outside his car, in front of Jensen’s apartment building. He encountered no problems getting into the underground parking and taking the elevator up to Jensen’s apartment. There, he needed a little more time to break into the apartment, but the door opened eventually. Jim was determined to discover every clue that could lead him to Jared Morgan. He completely ignored, without any problem, the wall that Jensen had created, with the word VICTIM under Jared’s name. 

~

Jensen got the call from his private security firm in the early afternoon. It was an SMS from the firm, telling him to check the security logs online. He had to admit he was a little surprised to see footage of Jim Beaver in his apartment, apparently looking around for any hints as to where he was. He ordered the firm to ignore the break in, but his mind was working overtime again. 

He had feared Beaver would be persistent, but he’d never expected that the man would dare to invade his privacy. It just showed how corrupt he really was. And it proved the danger Jared was in. FUCK. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I should have known. For a moment, Jensen considered again whether to tell him the truth; to make him leave, just to be safe. But then he remembered the relationship between Jared and his new friend, Tom; how the guy had tried to coax him out of his shell and Jared allowed himself to be persuaded. It would destroy any and all progress Jared had made up ‘til now. 

You’re such an idiot, Jensen Ackles, and Jensen knew he really was. He just had to ask himself why he hadn’t realized from the beginning how this would end. He stared at the picture of Jared on his laptop; the pretty one from college. Wouldn’t say no to you too, sweetie had been his first thought at seeing it. 

Jensen knew it wasn’t really about this anymore, but he’d been hooked the moment he’d seen the picture and, no matter how much he tried to resist, he liked the guy, and the impressions he’d gotten today had just made it worse. Jared was a nice guy, who deserved a life without fear, without panic attacks, and without his asshole of a husband, and he was responsible for making sure that this happened. The risk that Morgan would find a way to get Jared back was simply to big otherwise. 

He closed the laptop and stood up. There was no way around it. He had to prepare for a longer stay in Key Largo, and there preparations he needed to make. 

~

“So you’re the famous Jensen Ross?” 

Jensen was dumbstruck. He’d just come in a little early and taken a seat at the bar, and already Michael Rosenbaum, who was behind the bar, knew who he was.

“Come again?” 

Mike showed a wolfish grin that didn’t reach his eyes, and Jensen had to ask himself what he’d ever done to the man.

“I have to say…I thought Tom was exaggerating, but I was wrong. You are really as pretty as he said.” Jensen gave him a slightly exasperated look. 

“So you are Mike.” Not that he hadn’t known before. 

Michael looked at him sceptically, and then said, “Michael.” 

Jensen puckered his lips at this. Obviously Mike didn’t trust him as easily as the other two, and Jensen had to give him credit for that. “Want a beer?” At this, Jensen grinned.

“Sure. Jay and Tom already here?” he asked when the bartender brought his beer over.

“Do you see them, pretty?” Okay…this seemed like it could get difficult. Jensen decided to ignore the jab. He turned his back to the bar and took a look around. He was pulled from his musings shortly after.

“Hey, Jensen.” Jared had appeared next to him, and he gave him a little smile, before looking around for Tom. He was nowhere to be seen. 

“Hey…How you’re doing?” Jensen asked. Jared instantly knew what he was talking about, and he blushed a little, but answered honestly.

“Nervous.” 

Jensen grinned reassuringly. “First rule when you need to run, Jay; never separate from the crowd.” Jared’s face got serious at this, and Jensen could see he wanted to say something, but Mike interrupted.

“Hey, Jay-man, where’ve you been hiding today?” He put a bottle of beer in front of Jared, and threw Jensen another suspicious glance. 

“I just wanted…” he started to defend himself.

“Yeah, yeah…I can imagine. You just wanted to be with the pretty guy.” 

Jensen started to get pissed off, while Jared stuttered, “This…no…I…why…” He shook his head to clear it, and Jensen was really pissed now, seeing him so uncertain. 

He threw his arm around Jared’s shoulder, gave Mike his fakest bright smile, and stated, “When you’re right, you’re right…Isn’t he, Jay?” 

He looked at Jared now, worry well hidden under his cheerful façade, because Jensen could feel how tense he was. The colour was gone from his face, and he looked a little spooked. Jensen just hoped that Mike didn’t see it. He couldn’t back out now. 

What happened next shocked Jensen to the core.

“Yes he is.” he answered flatly, and Jensen realized that he had Jared under his command without even wanting to, just by touching him the way he had. FUCK. He turned to Mike. 

“We’re going to grab a table. Tell Tom where he can find us.” And with that, he shoved a completely obedient Jared through the bar towards an empty table that was a little hidden in the shadows. 

“I’m sorry.” He apologized while they were still walking there. ”I didn’t want to attack you the way I did. I just didn’t realize you’re…” What should he say? There was nothing he could say without giving away too much. Damn. DAMN. Fucking damn. Jensen wanted to kick something, preferably JD Morgan, and had to forcibly restrain himself. 

Jared, meanwhile, had sat down at the table. He looked at its’ surface and whispered;

“I’m sorry.”

“Jay, stop it.” Jensen could see how he snapped out of it. He could see how panic flashed through his eyes. 

“I’m sorry…I just should have stayed home…” He wanted to get up, but Jensen held the beer bottle directly in front of his face, stopping him. They looked each other directly in the eyes over the bottle, and Jensen saw Jared wanted nothing more than to hide, but he knew he couldn’t hide anymore from Jensen. His hand shook as he took the beer bottle, and stared again at the table. 

Jensen sat down on the opposite side of the table, his face serious.

“There’s nothing you have to be sorry for, Jay…It’s not as if I hadn’t already realized yesterday you’ve got a panic issue. I’m just really impressed you’ve got the guts to come back here.” At this, Jared looked up, surprise written all over his face. That statement obviously was something he hadn’t expected. Jensen smiled. 

“Why didn’t you tell Tom, when he asked you?” he questioned suddenly, and now Jensen had to grin.

“Because it’s your place to do so. And if you don’t want to, I don’t have the right to do otherwise.” Jared looked at him for something like an eternity, before he smiled and said quietly, “You’re not just a pretty face…” 

He couldn’t have shocked Jensen more, but he had no chance to say anything, because Tom arrived at the table, visibly angry. 

“I sometimes ask myself why I bother with him…he’s such an asshole.” He grumbled. Jensen composed himself, and a suggestive smile appeared on his face. He had a good idea why Mike had reacted the way he had.

“Did you possibly exaggerate about me?” 

Tom just frowned. “I never exaggerate.” 

Jensen shook his head and smiled. “He was in my face the moment I sat down at the bar, jumped at Jay for obviously sitting in the wrong place, and you’re sure you did nothing wrong?” Tom blushed. 

“I just said you were exceptional pretty…and have the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen.” God…he is sooo gay Jensen thought, and even Jared chuckled. “What? It’s true.” 

“Maybe…but I don’t think your boyfriend likes you mooning over another guy.” Jensen stated, but Tom still didn’t see sense.

“I didn’t.”

“I’ll bet you did. He’s jealous.”

“He isn’t.”

“I’ll bet you the cheque from tonight that he. Is.” 

Tom held out his hand. “He isn’t!” 

Jensen took it. “Let’s see what happens…” Jensen slid his arm around Tom’s shoulders and leaned close. “How long d’you think he’ll be able to stay away if I’m acting like this?” 

“He can’t even see us here.” Tom was clearly oblivious. “He never acts jealous. He knows I love him…and just him.”

A bottle of tequila and four glasses thumped onto the table. Mike removed Jensen’s arm from Tom’s shoulder, and shoved in between them. Tom was dumbstruck; Jensen just grinned.

“Mike…what?”

“Took the evening off. Wanted some down time with my friends.” He glared at Jensen venomously. Jensen just cocked his eyebrow.

“Tonight’s cheque, Tommy-boy.” Tom blushed crimson. 

~

Jared stood in front of his bathroom mirror and stared at his face. He couldn’t remember how often he’d done the same thing in the past years, but for the first time he felt like he might actually know the man in the mirror again.

He was slightly tipsy. Mike had managed to talk him into a Tequila shot, and he’d actually finished his bottle of beer. Jensen had brought him back home not ten minutes ago, and he was certain that the guy had waited until he had been safely inside the building. He knew that should make him feel like a girl, but it didn’t. I just made him feel safe. 

Jensen Ross had started to develop into an enigma for him. The guy had seen through him with a speed that was scary, and just when Jared had expected him to run, he’d held out a hand. Jared had been so puzzled that he’d taken it, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to give it back again. This strange new feeling of security, which he’d already experienced yesterday morning made him feel…happy, and made him want more of it.

It had been a fun evening after Mike finally had realized Jensen wasn’t hitting on his boyfriend. Tom had been more than a little embarrassed for not realizing he was jealous. He’d pressured Mike to make peace with Jensen after that. 

They’d talked about everything and nothing. Mike and Tom were clearly over interested in Jensen’s intentions, and Jared had almost been embarrassed when he finally grasped the reason why. He didn’t believe Jensen was interested in him that way. The guy could have anyone. He’d never seen someone who was hit on so frequently. Jensen may have ignored it, but that didn’t mean anything. 

Jared stared at his face, his train of thought perplexing him. He wouldn’t have thought he’d be able to go there for a long time yet. He really thought JD had cured him of all interest in sex, but there it was, quiet and insecure, but there. He probably wouldn’t say no if Jensen Ross made a move on him, even if it did scare the hell out of him. And he didn’t even know if Jensen was gay in the first place.

Determinedly, he shoved these thoughts out of his head. He didn’t want to go there. He wanted to bathe in the feeling of having a friend who at least partly understood how damaged he was, and cared anyway. Jared knew, with frightening conviction, Jensen could be this friend, and he would do anything to make that happen.


	13. Moving carefully

Three weeks later, Jensen found himself in Jared’s spare bedroom, after moving from one hole in the wall single room apartment to the next on an almost daily basis. Mike, of all people, had suggested that they share the rent, seeing as they were already virtually inseperable. Jared, who would have panicked at the thought alone three weeks ago, had excitedly jumped on the idea, and not just because his friendship with Jensen was developing really well. 

He was a little worried by now, because his search for a job had become more complicated than he’d expected. He had no references from former employers, and almost every time he called about a job, the first question was for references. He was getting desperate. There was still enough money left, but Jared was a security freak, and he didn’t want to wait until he was broke. By now, he was desperate enough to take anything he could lay his hands on, and he told Tom that.

“Jay…you don’t need to worry. You know very well Mike would never throw you out. He might still be a little upset about Jen being your new best friend but…he’d never do anything to harm you.” 

Jared frowned at this. “Why is that?” Jared had started to dare to ask questions, now and then. 

Tom blushed. “He loves you!” At that he had to meet Jared’s full on glare, and chuckled. “You know what I mean.” 

Jared turned to his cup of coffee. “I don’t want this.”

“I know, Jay. But that’s the way he is. Don’t worry. Everything will turn out alright.” Tom looked at him, mirroring him, as he sipped his coffee slowly. Jared had adopted this from Jensen, and Tom found it endlessly cute. Something had been on his mind for a while now, and he thought now was the right time to ask. “Jay? Why did you let Jensen move in?” He knew by now waiting for Jared to open up was fruitless. 

Jared blushed “It feels right.”

“What’s so special about him?” Tom had his own opinion about this by now. He saw how Jensen nudged Jared in the right direction, watched as he always asked him for his opinion, let him choose. He tried the same tactics, realizing that the other man had an incredible sense of judging Jared. It was supposed to build up Jared’s self-esteem, his ability to decide on his own. Tom had been a little shocked when he realized that much, but he followed suit; anything to help the young man. 

He hadn’t expected an answer to his second question but, to his amazement, he got one.

“He makes me feel safe.” Jared pouted into his coffee, and Tom felt his mouth fall open. That was the last answer he’d expected. Why the hell did Jay need to feel safe? 

“Jay, what are you…”

They were interrupted by Jensen’s reappearance. He’d been shopping for groceries, a self appointed duty because Jared could cook, while he was a hopeless in the kitchen. 

“Hey guys, you wouldn’t believe what just happened to me.” He had the attention of both man instantly. It was Tom who caved first, to ask for more, when he didn’t continue right away. Jared gave a tiny smile. They were all putty in Jensen’s hands.

“What, Jen?”

“I went grocery shopping, and found a job.” That killed Jared’s calm immediately 

“WHAT?....HOW?” He found both men had turned to stare at him, surprised by his reaction, but didn’t care. Jensen blinked.

“E-hm, I…I saw a sign in the window of that big gym near the market. They were looking for a self-defence instructor. That pretty girl at the desk hired me right away.” He explained, grinning again by the end of his speech. 

Jared didn’t grin. He was deeply frustrated, and had forgotten everything he’d liked about Jensen. Why did the world seem to hate him much?

“How did you manage to do that? You go grocery shopping, and find a job. I run around like a headless chicken, and can’t get anything right.” 

“Jay, that’s nonsense…” Jensen tried to break into his rant, but Jared didn’t let him. 

“NO, it isn’t. It’s true. Just leave me alone.” And with that, he turned and disappeared into his room, closing the door behind him loudly. Jensen was dumbstruck by his reaction. It was the first time Jared had shown so much emotion, or expressed it. He was pulled from his musings by Tom. 

“I definitely like the effect you have on him.” Jensen looked over to decide if he was kidding, but realized Tom was totally serious. 

He frowned. “Care to explain?” 

Tom chuckled. “You got some beer?” Jensen had definitely more than enough beer.

A few hours later, ever so slightly mellow, they were sat on the balcony, and Jensen watched Tom when he stared inside, again and again, at Jared’s door. They had cleared the air after Tom’s surprising statement, and Jensen now understood what he thought. 

Tom had judged Jared’s situation fairly accurately, and had surprised Jensen with the fact he’d noticed that, in the three weeks he’d know Jared, Jensen had managed to make so much headway. While Tom and Mike were able to pressure Jared to do certain things that were good for him, Jensen had the ability to make him realize he wanted these things, and even got him so far as to ask for them now and then. 

Jensen had known his tactics were working, but he would’ve never expected them to work that well. It made him feel good, and seemed in a way to make it up to Jared for the fact that he’d put him in danger from Morgan yet again. As if you can ever really make this up. Jensen knew he couldn’t really, but at least he had now the feeling that he’d done something right. He wanted Jared to be okay again, more than anything else. 

Catching Tom staring at the door once more, he decided to pick up their flagging conversation again. 

“You don’t need to look every few minutes. I don’t think he’ll come out any time soon.” 

Tom blushed, and looked at him. “Why do you think that?”

“He’s way too embarrassed, and can’t decide how to take it back.” What the hell made me just say that? That’s way too much information. Jensen got the reaction from Tom that he’d expected.

“How to hell do you know that? Do you have a psychology degree?” He asked, flabbergasted. Jensen blushed crimson. He was such an idiot sometimes.

Think fast, Ackles, very fast. Not so simple with the amount of alcohol in his system. He had a damn psychology degree from the Bureau, but that was the last thing he could admit here. 

“I…I just know him very well. It…it would be the thing he would do. I think…” 

Thank god Jared decided to prove him wrong this time. 

 

“That’s the beer speaking, right Jen?” Jared didn’t look at Jensen. He’d just heard the last few sentences on his way from the bathroom back to his room, and realized his damn friend was right. 

He HAD been embarrassed, and he HADN’T known how to make it right, but Jensen had provided him the perfect way out, just by giving him the chance to prove him wrong. His stuttered excuse made it even simpler. 

Jensen glanced up at him, and Jared felt an odd pull towards him. He took a sip from the coke he’d brought out with him. 

“Obviously.” He stated. “It’d be a fucking nuisance if I was always right, don’t you think?” 

Tom snorted in his beer at this and Jared blushed, feeling Jensen look at him as he pulled a lounge chair closer, and sat down. He felt his cheeks heat up a little more. Jared was almost sure Jensen knew he’d been absolutely right. Jensen knowing him so well really had the potential to be annoying but frankly, Jared didn’t feel that way about it. 

He liked it. He liked that Jensen knew him that well, and didn’t even try to change anything about all his little quirks and faults. That wasn’t something he’d ever again take for granted. 

Jensen and Tom had taken up their idle conversation from before, and were currently engrossed in the subject of self defence training. Jared didn’t join in. He watched Jensen, with slightly lowered head, through his newly grown fringe; a tiny smile on his lips. 

The pull he had felt towards the man from the beginning was steadily growing. He’d realized by now that Jensen could play a lot of different roles. He was extremely flexible in his behaviour, and adapted effortlessly to the most situations. Jared knew that this made him a good liar, and he knew, none better, how dangerous that could be. He was fairly sure by now that he had a good idea of Jensen’s real personality, because no matter how he changed with his surroundings, there was always a caring, reassuring undertone to his behaviour. 

He remembered he’d thought this about JD too, but the years under his brutish hand had made him very aware of the differences between the two men. While JD had played the attentive lover, had seemingly cared for him and done everything to make him happy, he acted in a conscious and deliberate manner. Jensen did it without realizing it. He simply WAS this way, no matter what role he just played. 

It was difficult for Jared to accept what all of this really meant, but his own comparisons between Jensen and JD told him the truth in big red letters. He was attracted to Jensen Ross. He knew the man could be a brilliant liar. He felt there were things Jensen hadn’t told him. He didn’t even know if Jensen was gay, and he was absolutely sure Jensen hadn’t the slightest interest in him – nevertheless he felt attracted. Jared couldn’t be more confused. 

 

“You’re really alright?” Jensen put the empty beer bottles in the trashcan. It was after midnight, and they had put a drowsy Tom to bed together, and cleaned the balcony up. Jensen had slowed down on the beer, and Jared had stayed with his coke, so they were relatively sober. He’d felt Jared’s eyes on him all evening. The other man leaned against the kitchen counter.

“Is your conscience troubling you for spilling my deepest secrets?” Jensen chuckled. It surprised him a little Jared came back to this, but it just showed that there was a lot trust on his side. This was something that steadily increased, even when Jensen didn’t understand why. 

“So I was right?” 

“I’m sorry for my behaviour.” Jared changed topic, and Jensen knew he had been right. Jared’s reaction had seemingly been defiance. “It was childish.”

“You’ll find a job, Jay. You will find the exactly right job for you; that’s what you’re looking for. You just need a little more patience. I’ll lay odds on that. Don’t sell yourself short, please.” He saw Jared stare at the floor, and felt the resignation coming from him in waves. 

“How do you do it? See a chance and take it on…and then even getting what you want? I don’t understand it. I noticed it from the first time I met you, but I don’t understand it.” Jensen looked at him and contemplated the best way to express himself. He knew what Jared meant. He had a way to get his goals, but it had always been natural for him. 

“It’s probably arrogance. I just never doubt that I get what I want.” His answer brought him a surprised look from Jared. This is what you don’t have, I know. It is what he took away from you, this self-confidence. Jensen expected anything, from questions as to how he did it, to if Jared could learn it. He just didn’t expect what came, and it showed him, once more, that there was still a lot he had to discover about the guy.

“Did it ever fail?” Jared asked, and Jensen’s gaze went off into space. 

“Yeah…spectacularly.”


	14. Progress

“Jen, I don’t think this is a good idea. I don’t want you to risk your job.” Jared also had a part time job for the moment. He tutored a twelve year old, Peter Graham, in English. Tom had introduced him to Peter’s mom, a colleague of his at the hospital. She’d been looking for someone as a tutor, but didn’t want another student, because Peter was very boisterous boy and difficult to rein in. Jared was doing really well with him.

Now Jensen wanted him to go to the gym with him and take part in one of his classes. Jared wasn’t very happy about this. 

“There’s no risk to my job, Jay. We say that you’re my partner, and they let partners in for free, so I can bring you along.” Jensen explained, while hunting for his work clothes in the fresh laundry. For a moment Jared was paralysed at   
Jensen’s words, then he blushed crimson. 

“YOU WHAT?” At his tone, Jensen started paying attention and looked at him.

“You got a problem with that?” His flustered expression took away Jared’s doubts that there might be dark intentions behind the offer, and he relaxed a little. “I tried to bring you in as a friend, but Allison told me the boss wouldn’t accept that. She was the who came up with it; seeing as I’m bi, leaning towards gay, and you’re gay. 

Wow, this conversation’s taken a few sharp turns, Jared had to shake his head to clear it. 

“You’re what?” At the question Jensen blushed, and grinned sheepishly. 

“I’m bi with strong gay tendencies?” He suggested. Jared couldn’t help but started laughing. Until now, he hadn’t even had a clue where to put Jensen’s sexuality, and not even Mike or Tom had been sure about it, although Mike simply had declared him bi just to call him something. 

“Does that even exist?” He asked to distract himself from any further speculation on his part at this news. 

“I don’t know. I just know I still like looking at a nice pair of tits, even if I haven’t actually wanted to start anything with a woman for years now.” 

“That’s the usual definition of gay, as far as I know.” Jared provided. 

“Okay…then, where’s the problem?” Okay, Jared had had that feeling before, even if it had gotten less frequent. Jensen had just railroaded him again.

“Hey, that…”

He saw Jensen grin from around the hall doorway. 

“What Jay? Did I railroad you?” Jared scratched his head. 

“Yeah you did, but I didn’t say yes to you offer yet.” 

“Don’t worry, Jay. Allison knows, but she’s the only one. She told John, so I can bring you. Don’t you want to go to the gym?” Jared wanted. That was the problem. The stories Jensen told in the evening, the things he could do there, tempted him to go. He’d used the gym regularly in college. 

“But…”

“No ‘but’. Just come on, or I’m gonna be late. I’ve got your gear.” That had clearly been well planned. Jared followed Jensen into the hall and put on his shoes. 

“Payback’s a bitch, you know that, right?” 

Jensen just grinned at him a little more. “You’ll get your chance.”

 

It was better than Jared had expected. Way better. The gym where Jensen was working was the best in the city, if you believed Tom and, seeing it, Jared started to believe him. There was everything you could wish for, a swimming pool, steam rooms, and two Jacuzzis. He just was not so sure if Jensen’s beginner’s class in self defence was the right thing for him. 

There were people aged from fifteen, up to their mid-thirties, and he didn’t stand out in the slightest, but he didn’t feel at ease. Jensen was, and this really surprised Jared, a talented instructor. He was calm, reassuring, and amazingly patient. When a woman in her thirties just couldn’t get the move, he explained it again, and was still as calm explaining it the fifth time; something Jared just found amazing. Even he would have probably run out of patience by then. 

The class he’d taken had been Jensen’s last. Jared waited for him to pack up his things. He knew Jensen would head for a shower, and would have to wait a while longer at the small bar, but he could live with that. There was no way he would use a public shower.

“And, what did you think?” Jensen emptied his bottle of water. 

“I felt awkward.” Jared answered honestly. 

“What? More awkward than Mrs. Anderson?” At this Jared just laughed.

“No…it’s just…I don’t know. I’m not sure this is my thing.” He felt Jensen’s look, heavy on his bowed head. A moment later, Jensen stood directly in front of him. 

“You know why I’m doing this?” Jared felt a deep blush creep across his face. That question strongly reminded him that Jensen should never be underestimated, and obviously never forgot his agenda. He hadn’t said anything lately, but the issue was clearly still on his mind. 

“Do you have a degree in Psychology?” He didn’t look up when he repeated Tom’s question. 

Jensen chuckled quietly. “You heard that?”

“Yeah, I did.” Jared felt Jensen’s hesitant hand on his shoulder, and looked up. “Jay, my friend, panic can be avoided best when you at least have the feeling that you can defend yourself a little, the knowledge that you are not helpless. That’s all I want for you, but if you don’t like it, then the lessons won’t help. I would never pressure you to do anything. How do you like the rest of the gym?”

“It’s incredible. The pool, I can’t believe they’ve got a pool. I love swimming.” God damn, you idiot. Jared blushed deeply, his mouth had run away with him, and he was profoundly embarrassed. He hadn’t been in the pool, but he’d nonetheless declared his love of swimming. He didn’t want people see the scars that marred his body. The dreaded and unavoidable question from Jensen came a moment later.

“Did you use it?” He had thrown everything in Jared’s bag, even swimwear. Jared had no idea where half of the sports gear had come from, and he intended to ask but, for now, he had to find a good excuse, fast. 

“Ehm…no…I…I…” Wonderful Jared. Very eloquent. But Jensen didn’t seem to notice his predicament. He turned his back to him, and grabbed his bag. 

“You should definitely change that.” Yeah…if you give me a full body neoprene suit, was Jared’s mental answer but, to his surprise, Jensen let the topic go. 

They switched to harmless banter and, within minutes, Jared felt at ease again. They were just ready to go when Allison, the cute and perky blond girl from reception, appeared in the door. 

“Jen, I’ve got a possible private client for you if you’re interested. His name is Weatherly. He wants to improve his skills in hand-to-hand combat. He’s trying to win some title in a tournament. If you got a few minutes, he’s here.” Allison beamed at Jared. He’d helped her with a crying five year old in the children’s area, and they’d hit it off instantly. Jensen looked at Jared.

“You okay with waiting a little longer?”

“Sure, can I watch?” Jensen smiled. 

“If you want to.”

“Okay, I’ll tell him you’re waiting for him here. He should be warmed up already, after an hour on the cross trainer and lot’s of stretches.” Allison piped in, and was gone a moment later. 

“I bet she likes you.” Jared eyes were glued to the door Allison had disappeared through. 

“You shouldn’t say such things. You’re my boyfriend.” Jensen winked, and Jared blushed crimson once again. He couldn’t say anything else, because the possible client appeared, and Jared instantly felt small. The man strutted into the room without even looking at him and headed directly for Jensen. Jared backed away to the far wall of the room when he reached them. Weatherly held his hand out to Jensen and ignored Jared completely. 

“Jensen Ross? I’m Michael Weatherly. I’ve heard good things about you, and wanted to talk about possible private sessions. I used to have an arrangement with John when Jean Claude still was here.” 

Jensen calmly took his hand. “Well, we’ll see about it. You’re warmed up? I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“Yeah. I’m all ready.”

 

It was a show all on its’ own. Jared was instantly engrossed. He had no clue about this, but even he could see Weatherly knew what he was doing, whether he was an arrogant prick or not. For Jared, something else was way more fascinating. Watching Jensen in the dance of power had an undeniable effect on him. 

Jensen probably wasn’t as trained and elegant as the other man, but he could hold his ground, and Weatherly realized that quickly. He became more forceful, and tried to push more, but that was no way to get to Jensen. He danced just a little more around his opponent. 

Jared was transfixed. His eyes were glued to Jensen’s every move. He had never seen anything as sexy as this. It was an expression of pure power and control. He didn’t even need a minute to decide that he would learn the art. If it looked this incredible when performed properly, he had at least to try.

“Okay, I think that’s enough for now.” Jensen called out after ten minutes. Jared could see Weatherly was disappointed. 

“I would definitely like to train with you.” He approached Jensen again. “You got time for a drink at the bar?” Jared could literally see one of Jensen’s masks appear on his face.

“I’ll think about it…and sorry, but I’ve already got plans.”

“Jen…it’s no problem, I can take the…” 

Jensen stopped him in mid-sentence. “Hey…I dragged you here. I’ll take you home, okay?” 

Jared met his eyes and realized he meant what he said. He couldn’t help but smile. Jensen wouldn’t abandon him for a possible client. Jared even had the feeling he didn’t like Weatherly much. 

Jared for sure would be at the gym for the next beginners’s class. It wasn’t until much later that he realized Jensen had avoided the topic of whether he had a psychology degree yet again. 

 

* * *

Jensen stared off into space. He was dead tired and should’ve been asleep, but Jared had once again shaken his emotions too badly. Today at the gym he’d realized, with painful clarity, why Jared wouldn’t even consider using the pool. If he hadn’t been sure in the training room, he was when Jared refused to use the shower. 

They had left then, Jared visibly embarrassed, and Jensen angry. He was afraid Jared had mistaken his mood, and had thought he’d done something wrong, but he hadn’t been able to do anything about it. He’d been too angry to explain calmly just what had pissed him off without telling the truth.

So, Morgan wasn’t just an abusive asshole, he’d obviously liked to mar his victim’s body too. Jensen hadn’t ever given much thought to the fact that Jared was always fully clothed, but now he registered it. He’d never seen Jared anything other than clothed, and had even adopted the habit for the sake of decency. And now the whole fucked up situation had an entirely different slant. 

Not decency; shame. 

He’d spent the whole night bantering back and forth over IM with Chris about this new shit, happy to have someone to let off steam with. Chris said the exactly what he already knew. It was a topic he had to leave alone for now. It was something Jared needed to change himself, when he was ready, and they both knew that might be never. Sure, it was tied to self-confidence, but he had to accept what had happened to him in the first place. 

He had to accept his past as a part of his life, and realize that he could overcome it. 

Jensen knew for sure that Jared had buried his past, with no intention to ever look at it again. He needed to deal with the symptoms, not the reasons. 

Neither he nor Chris had a clue how to deal with this. They knew some psychology techniques, but not enough by far to successfully deal with this. There was just one thing they were sure about: if possible, Jeffrey Dean Morgan should never again have access to his husband. 

Jensen knew Chris had already started a private investigation into the matter, and was gathering information as discretely as possible, but he still didn’t have much. He’d checked on Beaver’s progress too, and supervised the tracing of his Canadian cell. They still tried to find him every week, although the phone had been switched off for three months now.

What Chris had said, before heading off to bed, worried Jensen. He shouldn’t let Jared out of his sight too much – because they didn’t know whether Morgan had influential friends in the States too. If he found his way into Jensen’s US files, then he would find them within days. 

All that didn’t make Jensen feel any better.


	15. Unexpected reactions

“What’s with the permanent bad mood lately, Jenny?” Mike put two Tequila shots in front of Jensen, one obviously for Jensen, and the other one for himself. Jensen was still pissed that Mike wouldn’t stop calling him Jenny, but he’d had given up calling him on it.

He was alone at the Tallon. He didn’t do it often but, now and then, he needed his space. Mike being in his face didn’t help in the slightest, and so he pouted. Jensen was well aware that his friends had noticed his bad mood, but he had no clue what to do about it. The situation that Jared was in got to him more and more. Not even the fact that his mood confused the hell out of the other man was enough for him to let go a little. The feeling that Jared was still in immense danger had settled in his mind, and he was the reason for that danger. 

“So…by now I know that beating around the bush doesn’t work with the both of you. That’s why I’ll hit you with it full on. Cheers.” Jensen followed Mike’s example and knocked the shot back. If nothing else, it was free alcohol. 

“Don’t you know by now, that you chatting me up doesn’t work?” 

Mike just grinned, chased the Tequila with some beer from his bottle, and set the next one up. Jensen snorted. “What are you trying to do here? Get me drunk?”

“At least tomorrow morning you’ll be wearing your pissy face for a reason. You’ll feeling be really shitty ‘cause you’ve got a hangover. So…now tell me…have you got a crush on our Jay man, and do you know we’ll kill you if put a foot wrong?” At that, Jensen was the first one to knock the next shot back. 

“I would never risk going against you and Tommy-boy.” 

“Wise decision, Jenny…but you’ve got a crush, haven’t you?” 

Jensen snorted. “I’m not a fifteen year old school girl.” 

Mike threw him a dark glance. “No…you aren’t. Let’s get wasted.” 

And with that, the next shot was on the counter, and Jensen, all unwillingness lost after the first two, knocked it back. Getting wasted seemed like a good idea, even with Mike in the equation. Jensen didn’t worry about what he might say, no matter how drunk he got. He had his ways.

 

Mike didn’t let Jensen out of his sight. He was surprised that the other man had fallen for this. He knocked back shot after shot, and was visibly drunk by now. He’d even started flirting with one of the patrons, Wentworth Miller, a man a little older than him, good looking and quiet. Mike deemed it the right time to start his interrogation again. 

“Hey, Jenny, what are you doing, flirting here? How do you think Jay would feel, seeing you like this?” No matter what Jensen thought, Tom and he were sure Jay was attracted to the man. 

“I’m not obligated.” No, he damn well wasn’t. Jensen knocked back another shot. It was almost enough. He’d pass out any moment now. 

Mike didn’t give up. “Oh…come on. You know the both of you behave like an old married couple?”

That got Jensen’s attention. “Nonsense.”

“No nonsense, pretty.”

“We share rent…that’s all.”

“Yeah…and you clicked like you’d been best friends all your lives.” 

“We fit.” Yeah, first strike. Mike quietly cheered. He’s get the pretty asshole to where he wanted him, and then he’d fucking stop moping; if not for his own, then for Jay’s sake.

“You know, Jay has a crush on you.” At this, Jensen looked at him so seriously that Mike doubted for a moment that he was really that drunk. 

“Jay…doesn’t do crushes. He’s way too careful for shit like that. And I’m sure it’ll be a long time before he risks another relationship.” 

Mike’s eyes became thin slits. “How do you know that?” 

Jensen tried another shot, and sloshed half of it on the counter.

Damn. Time to pass out now.

“Jensen, how do you know that?” Jensen grinned at him, and stared at his shot glass. It was empty, and Mike didn’t seem to want to give him more. Nevertheless, it was enough. Jensen swayed and fell to his left. The man he’d been flirting with a while ago chuckled.

“Know something, Mikey?”

“What, Went?” 

“You’ve been had”

“He’s piss drunk. He took every shot I gave him.”

“I know. I saw it. But you’ve been had nonetheless. He got drunk that fast so he’d pass out quickly, without his tongue being loosened.”

“Fuck.”

“Want help with the pretty?” Jensen sniffed quietly in Wentworth’s arms. Mike sighed. That plan hadn’t worked out the way he had wanted.

“Yeah…I think I do. Jay will kill me if I let him sleep on the floor here.” He wasn’t sure how Jay would react anyway when they brought Jensen home in this state. 

“He’s a friend of that tall drink of water?” Wentworth asked. Mike threw him a suspicious glance. 

“Stay away from Jay.” Went was a quiet guy but, thanks to Tom, Mike had a real protective streak for Jay by now. And Jay clearly had a crush on Jenny. They didn’t need anymore complications, not with his fragile nature.

“They just seem so different.”

“That they are…but that’s Jenny’s big advantage, too.” 

“I bet it is.” Wentworth snagged Jensen in a fireman’s lift, and Mike was impressed just how effortless he made it look. “Where do you want him?” 

“I bring my car round the front now.” And with that, he handed over the running of the bar to Kirsten, his second in command, and left out the back, while Wentworth brought Jensen to the exit. Moments later, he placed him in the seat next to Mike. 

“You sure you can drive?” 

“When you were watching so closely, didn’t you see me spit the Tequila back into the beer bottle?” Went laughed.

“The oldest trick in the book.”

“Exactly. Thanks for your help, Went. See you around.” And with that he sped off. 

~

“And you really didn’t get anything out of him?” Tom was sitting sleepily on their couch in the living room. He hadn’t been home long from his late shift. Mike had wakened him and Jay to help bring Jensen inside. Jay had been visibly bewildered about the state Jensen was in. 

“Went said he did it on purpose.” Mike nursed another beer. 

“What did he do on purpose?”

“Drank until he passed out. To lead me on. Tommy, I don’t know what to think about Jensen. I know Jay trusts him, but I have no clue as to why. I know even you trust him. Why am I the paranoid one here?” 

“Because you’re naturally paranoid?” Tom suggested. Mike glared at him, even though he knew Tom was right. “We should probably just let it play out. I warned you that Jensen wouldn’t be very keen on being interrogated.”

“I don’t trust him.”

“I know, but you trust me, don’t you?” Mike kissed him softly at that. “Whatever Jensen’s doing, it doesn’t give Jay any bad vibes. Jay may be attracted, but Jensen isn’t pushing it. Clearly, all he does is nudge him in the right direction to combat his insecurities. He even brought him so far along as to like the self defence class.”

“I know you like him because he brings Jay out of his shell. But why the fucking bad mood now? He should know better than this. He should know he’s confusing Jay.”

“I’m sure he does. But can you pull yourself out of your head whenever you want to? Jen is just human, just like us. I’m sure there’s something on his mind, but we can’t do anything if he doesn’t want to talk about it.” Mike knew that his lover was right. 

~

Jared watched Jensen run from his room to the bathroom, and heard him retching a moment later. It was obvious he had the hangover from hell. Considering the state he’d been in last night, Jared wasn’t really surprised. 

He put the coffee back in the cupboard. Jensen wouldn’t be in the mood for coffee this morning. Instead, he took a bottle of water from the fridge and searched for some aspirin, before he sat down on a barstool and waited for his roommate to return. He’d been asking himself for days now as to what had put Jensen in his bad mood, and was worried that it was his fault. 

Jared knew that was stupid, but he couldn’t help it. He knew exactly when Jensen’s mood had shifted. It had been after the gym. By now, he wasn’t even sure if he should go there any longer.

In the bathroom it was silent now, but Jensen didn’t reappear, and Jared’s own paranoia started getting to him. What if he’d fallen? What if he’d hurt himself, and needed help? He had experience of such things. 

Once, JD had taken him so hard and long that his legs had given out hours later, when he’d tried to use the toilet. He’d hit his head on the sink, falling down, and had no idea how long he’d lain on the bathroom floor. It had been late evening when his husband had found him and had angrily hauled him back into the bedroom. He didn’t remember much from that night, being unconscious for most of it. 

Without contemplating the repercussions any longer, Jared stood, walked over, and knocked quietly on the bathroom door.

“Are you okay, Jen?” He didn’t get an answer and tried again a few moments later; a little louder this time.

“Jensen, are you okay?” The door swung open slowly. Jensen sat on the floor in front of the towel-rack, head in his hands; obviously unable to stand up again. He was grey and sweat soaked, and the sour smell of bile was heavy in the air. 

Jared forgot his reluctance, and knelt down in front of him. 

“Jen, hey? You okay?”

“Not really.” was the hoarse answer. Jared opened the water bottle and held it out to him. Jensen took a very careful sip of it, clearly afraid to upset his stomach again. Jared stood, wet one of the towels, and carefully pressed it to Jensen’s neck. 

“Do you think you’re done?”

“I hope so…”That sounded so desperate, Jared had to hide a small smile, and was tempted to ask why Jensen had drunk so much, but he didn’t.

“Need help to get up?” 

Jensen pressed one end of the wet towel to his face. “I wish I could take a shower.” Jensen held his hand out and Jared took it to carefully help him up. He swayed dangerously. A shower was clearly out of the equation.

“I’d suggest you lie down again.” Jared gripped Jensen tighter around the waist. He was completely bewildered at how feeble Jensen seemed at that moment, and it puzzled him even more how much Jensen trusted and relied on him to be strong enough. 

“I will never drink Tequila with Mike again.” At this, finally Jared couldn’t hold back a quiet chuckle anymore. “Don’t laugh at me.” Jensen admonished, pouting, and leaned on Jared even more. They slowly made their way back to Jensen’s room, and Jared helped him to carefully lie down on the bed. Jensen shivered, despite the warmth, and Jared pulled the comforter up to his shoulders. 

“You need to drink some more. Wait.” He went back to the bathroom to fetch the water bottle, hesitating a moment and then taking the aspirin too. Jensen had his eyes closed when Jared came back, but he turned his head when Jared spoke to him. 

“You think you can manage some pills?” He just nodded feebly. Jared helped him to sit up a little, gave him two aspirin, and let him drink from the bottle. “Shall I call the gym and let Alli cancel your private sessions?” 

“I think I’ll manage. Just need a little more sleep.” He murmured, and snuggled in to the comforter. Moments later his breath evened out. Jared stayed where he was, just looking at him. His worries were gone but, nevertheless, he felt strange. 

It had surprised him when Jensen had simply let him take the lead. He felt trusted and valued, and the doubts from the last few days weren’t as strong as before. Whatever Jensen had on his mind, he wouldn’t have relied on him as he just had if he was the reason for his bad mood. 

“I wish I could read your mind. I wish I knew where I stand with you.” Jared admitted quietly. He was scared of what was happening to him. He knew his feelings for the man sleeping in the bed grew stronger every day, even as he realized, more and more, that he knew nothing about him.

While he felt safe in Jensen’s presence, he almost wished they didn’t live in such close quarters. Jensen brought things back, things he’d locked away. He felt the need to touch; wanted to be close to someone again, and it scared him to death, because he knew for sure that there were secrets Jensen didn’t talk about. There were the nightly sessions on IM, the fact that he saw him smoking on the balcony now and again, when he normally never smoked, the mood he just couldn’t place, and now this drinking binge with Mike. 

He’d never thought he would trust a guy who had secrets. JD had done that so successfully that Jared had been helpless before he realized it. And now here he was, falling again for a guy with secrets, just because of the fact he trusted Jensen really was the caring person Jared kept seeing under all his different mannerisms. 

Hesitantly, he reached out for Jensen’s tousled hair, and carded his fingers through it gently. Jensen turned his head into the touch, and a faint smile grazed Jared’s lips. 

“Please don’t let me be wrong again.” He whispered, before he drew his knees to his chest and encircled them with his arms, resting his cheek on them, just watching the other man sleep.

* * *

JD threw the cordless phone across the room. Once again, he’d heard ‘no news’ from Jim Beaver, and his patience was at its’ end. This time the damn bounty hunter had even suggested sending his money back. He obviously didn’t have any idea what to do anymore. The man he had sent after Jared had disappeared, just as efficiently as his stray husband. 

With a cry of rage, the phone table followed the phone into the wall, and broke into pieces. JD was tempted to break some more of his furniture. Everything in the apartment reminded him of Jared by now. He nursed such rage for his boy, that he wasn’t so sure anymore that he wouldn’t kill him when he eventually got him back. 

And now there was the terrifying possibility this man was with Jared. 

That was what Beaver suspected. Ackles had changed sides, and had taken Jared for himself. The idea alone drove JD mad. No one touched his property. No one touched his honey. 

He went to the bar and took out the expensive bottle of scotch whiskey. He opened it and drank directly from it. He knew that he drank too much at the moment, but it was the only way to get a grip on his uncontrollable rage. He used hookers up on weekly basis now, and had needed to switch areas, due to his violent reputation. 

“I WANT YOU BACK!” The bottle shattered on the wall too, and left an ugly stain behind. JD sobered up. This was getting clearly out of hand.

He had to find another way to get Jared back, fast.


	16. Not so subtle hints

Jensen watched Jared when Weatherly left the training room. The older man had sent a lot of not so subtle hints in his direction while they were doing their sessions, and Jared had it made a habit to be here when he was with Weatherly. Jensen just hadn’t exactly figured out why. 

There were some things about his drinking binge with Mike he couldn’t remember; the comments about his supposed crush on Jay were fuzzy, the flirting with the patron called Went a little clearer, him falling in said patrons lap was gone totally. What was shockingly clear was Mike’s remark that Jay had a crush on him. 

That was so wrong, Jensen just hadn’t believed it; but now, it had started coming back to him. Jared disliked Weatherly. He didn’t need to say anything, it was obvious. The man treated him like dirt and, while he had ignored it in the beginning, he sneered slightly at Weatherly now, even if it was just to his back. Nevertheless, Jared was always here when he trained with Weatherly, and Jensen couldn’t help but wonder why. 

He had calmed down again after a sound verbal bashing, first from Tom, and then from Chris. That, and the hangover from hell had helped too. 

Jensen still couldn’t believe Jared had slept next to him, on his bed. When he’d finally woken up, he was way too late for his sessions at the gym, but he’d stayed still, and had waited until Jared had woken up and left the room, in the conviction that Jensen was still asleep and would never know he’d slept next to him. Just a minute later, Jared had been back, flustered at how late it was, and making enough noise to wake Jensen up.

Luckily, he’d been able to smooth things over with John, his boss, mostly thanks to his private clients. 

Jared was back to his shy, but mostly relaxed self, and didn’t talk about not going to the gym anymore. He made good progress in self defence, and even better progress in helping the receptionists with the children in the play room.

“You want to train a little more?” Jared was jarred out of his musings, and looked surprised.

“What? Now?” 

“No…next month. Come one. Get up, lazy ass.” Provokingly, Jensen crooked his finger in Jared’s direction, and he stood up.

“I’m not lazy.” He defended himself.

No, you’re just making sure big shot Weatherly doesn’t make a wrong move. Do you really have a little crush, Jay? That would surprise me. “I know. That’s why I suggest you switch from the starter class up to the next level.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Would I kid you?” Jared came closer, and took up a fighting stance. Jensen was sure he took a lot in visually. Watching Jensen and his clients practice actually helped him learn. 

“Probably not…and please remember, I’m not a professional.”

“Hey, I know what I’m doing.” Jared chuckled. Jensen knew Jared wasn’t a match for him yet, but he had several advantages. His wide reach was really dangerous. These long legs and arms, when finally fast enough, would make it difficult to get near him, but Jensen had the strange impression that Jared was working on something else at the moment. He took great care at mimicking the accuracy of the movements. 

They had fun doing these little sparring matches.

 

Half an hour later Jensen was engrossed in another private session, while Adrienne, today’s receptionist, had snatched Jared to help her with some kids in the playroom. Erica Durance was quite another expert in hand to hand combat. She was a good looking, energetic woman in her early thirties, and his newest addition to the private client collection. The daughter of an army general, she valued physical fitness, and loved a hard fight. She was damned sneaky, and Jensen had to be careful. Until now, he’d held his own against her, but he wasn’t sure when she would turn the tables. 

Erica fought to win, by any means possible. 

“Where’s your cute boyfriend today?” she just asked, and smiled as he got flustered.

“Playroom…helping Adrienne with the kids.” They didn’t stop their sequence of moves, and Jensen smiled at her inwardly. He knew that she was trying to distract him. 

“He’s good with children. I saw him looking after a crying five year old the other day, when Alli was totally overburdened. What’s his training?”

“He’s a teacher.” Jensen answered, and tried to stay in the flow of the fight. 

“Hey…Where?” Erica was clearly a woman who’d mastered multitasking. 

“He’s still looking for a job. We both arrived here a few months ago.”

“What does he teach?” Jensen took a kick to the side, and stumbled in surprise. Erica grinned.

“Damn, woman. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.” he growled.

“It works. So…what’s he teaching?”

“English. He has a degree in English and Education, but he has no references. He worked as a preschool teacher just once.” Jen knew he shouldn’t admit to knowing all this, even if you considered he knew what Jared was looking for in a job, but he would take every chance he could for Jay, and this looked like it might be a chance. What he had seen ‘til now in Erica, was an open-minded, challenging and honest person. 

“He should probably call me. We’ve had some changes to the staff. Perhaps I can help him.”

“Where d’you work?”

“St. Justin Marine Acadamy.” And with that, she kicked him in his by now totally unprotected solar plexus, and sent him down. 

 

“Jay, you are ready to leave?” Jensen stuck his head through the door of the play room. He was freshly showered, and ready to go home. The session with Erica had luckily been his last; the woman was probably still giggling about her easy win.

“Just a sec. Zoe wants to show me her picture, and she needs a few more minutes.”

“I’m almost done, Mr. Jay,” the tiny girl piped up, and Jensen had to hide a smile. Jared was really at ease the most when he was with children. The smile on his face showed nothing but warmth and dedication then. Minutes later he came out, leaving a very happy Zoe behind. 

“Sorry.”

“Nonsense. We really should kick John’s ass for not employing someone to take care of the children.” Jensen replayed a running complaint from the reception girls. “You’d be perfect.” There were always children in the play room. The girls from reception looked out for them, but they generally had to occupy themselves. 

“Don’t dare you to talk to Glover about this.” Jared uttered, before he thought about it, and blushed at his cheekiness. Jensen outright laughed at this. He liked the fact that Jared’s reserve in his presence slipped more often now. Jared glared at him. “What?”

“Nothing Jay, absolutely nothing.” He shoved him out of the front door of the gym to the parking lot. It looked like he was going to have to be to be very careful about bringing the topic of Erica up. 

* * *

* I feel trapped * Jensen’s fingers hit the keys of his laptop at high-speed. He was once again in a nightly IM session with Chris. Even Steve had joined in this time; frustrated by the fact that Jensen was still only reachable through the secret cell number he’d had since his time at the Bureau. They’d decided to leave it this way as a security precaution. 

* u feel trapped? U r an IDIOT…as usual ;P * Chris’ reply came up, and then a * lol * from Steve. 

* Thank you very much. You’re really helpful. * Jensen had watched Jared for a while now, and he was almost sure Mike was right with his crush theory, as surprising as it was. By now, the whole thing was getting to him. 

Before, he’d pushed his own interest aside, in the conviction that Jared had enough problems, but since he’d realized that the guy was trying to subtly flirt with him, his libido had crashed back in full force, and now he was suffering from blue balls. 

* it isn’t that we don’t know he’s like this *

* there you’re right. he always was an idiot like way. always too emotional *

* girly *

* rofl * played out on the screen in front of him between Chris and Steve, and he huffed, affronted, hacking on the keys.

* STOP IT!!! I should have just kept my mouth shut * That provoked even more laughter. Jensen waited until his friends composed themselves. 

* honestly, jen, how could you do that? * Steve was the first to get a grip. 

* forget it. *

* oh…come on…don’t be a sissy * 

* he is a sissy * Chris provided that.

* will there be something useful in this conversation anytime soon? If not, I’ll go to bed. *

* hey…don’t dare you. I haven’t spoken to you for months * Steve wrote.

* at the moment you’re both just pissing me off * Jensen griped.

* we’ll behave now…* Steve tried to be mature. Chris once again just sent a *lol* over the line. 

* tell me something about the guy. Chris seems to know everything, but is stressing about FBI security and all that shit. Sometimes I’m really happy you aren’t at that firm anymore. *

* Jay is a difficult topic. He’s had lot of bad experiences. You know why I’m here? *

* I know nothing *

That was clear. Chris, as usual, kept his secrets, and so Jensen started explaining from scratch exactly why he was in this mess. 

As expected, he got another verbal bashing out of it. By now he was ready to bash himself. The whole damn situation was totally messed up. He’d found Jared attractive the moment he’d seen the first picture of him, no matter the circumstances. Now that he knew him, it was even more difficult. 

Jared was everything anyone could wish for in a partner, even with his whole baggage of problems. In the beginning, it had been his physical appeal. Now it was his quiet and happy manner, his attentiveness, and his shy wit. Jensen knew that he couldn’t be sure these were actually part of his real personality, but he suspected he could discern between the habits Morgan had ingrained in him, and things Jared did naturally. 

It was a sad fact that Jared would never fully get rid of all the things Morgan had knocked in to him, no matter how hard Jensen tried to help him move away from it whenever he realized what Jared was doing. 

Jensen had observed him noticing it himself sometimes, small things he did out of habit and suddenly stopped doing them to change or undo it again. He suspected, these were things he was trained to do without really liking it. 

He was fairly sure there was no one-sidedness in their relationship. It was the last thing he would want. He didn’t want Jared to do something he felt obliged to, and tried as often as possible to make him decide for himself. It had worked well until now. 

The question was, what would happen when their relationship shifted. Would he feel obliged to do what he thought Jensen wanted? That thought scared Jensen no end. 

It was reason enough to stay emotionally as far away from Jared as possible, and that was before he even considered the fact that he was still lying to the man. Jensen almost always had his reasons when he sat on the balcony, smoked one cigarette after the other and stared at the darkness of the night sky. 

* * *

“Why the hell do we have to go out? Don’t you think it was enough for you today at the gym? Do you really want another drinking binge with Mike? I bet he’d make you.”

On one hand, it made Jensen really proud when he heard Jared question his opinion so vocally. On the other hand, it could be really a nuisance, especially when Jared made a show devouring that damn sour rainbow candy he liked so much. He just licked stray sugar from his fingers, and Jensen stayed well hidden on his barstool behind the breakfast bar. He resignedly placed his chin in his hand, trying to will his erection down. 

Jensen was well aware he had lost the fight against his libido, and Jared’s behaviour wasn’t helping in the slightest. 

“You don’t need to come, but I need to relax today.” Oh boy, you have no clue how much I need to. He’d had a taxing day at the gym today. Three classes and four private sessions had taken a lot out of him. He planned to get acceptably mellow and quite possibly blown if the opportunity arose. He needed relief but, at the moment, he even was too lazy to go and shower. There was still enough time to get ready.

Jared, in the meantime, frowned and looked askance at him for his remark, still occupied in licking his fingers. He obviously didn’t know what to say about it. 

“I’ll not get wasted again. Don’t worry.” Jensen assured him. Jared staying at home would make it much easier to get some relief. 

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” 

“So what are you worried about?” 

Jared blushed and pretended to be engrossed in his candy. Jensen had to gulp around a knot in his throat. Damn that boy. He’ll kill me. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s doing this on propose. “What, Jay?”

Jared had snatched a new piece of candy out of the bag and started the whole process anew, blushing even deeper. Apparently, his tongue had once again been faster than his mind, and he didn’t want to talk, instead catching the candy between his lips. Jensen felt tortured, and was pleasantly distracted when Mike strolled in through the balcony door. 

“Hi Mike, Jay doesn’t feel like going out. Care to give me a ride?”

“So…doesn’t he?” Mike leaned with his back against the bar, and smiled slyly at Jensen, while mouthing soundlessly “He’s trying to seduce you. Isn’t he cute?” Mike stubbornly insisted on the existence of the crush, and rubbed it in his face whenever he could. Jensen was too tired to argue. 

“I hate you.” was his only comment. He got a strange look from Jared at that, and realized the candy was now gone. Damn, if that wasn’t a clear sign. 

“Hey, Jay…you really don’t want to come with us?” Mike turned towards Jared now. 

“I never said that.” 

“You just whined, you…” Jensen stepped in, but Jared stopped him.

“I didn’t whine. I just stated facts.” Jensen pouted.

“Whatever.” Mike had an impossibly wide grin on his face. “So, we’re clear then? You can take Tommy and Jay with you, Jenny? Because I needed to be gone ten minutes ago.” What Jensen mumbled was unintelligible. Mike took it as ‘yes’. “That’s fantastic.” He slapped Jensen on the shoulder, and mouthed once more. “You are so gone, baby.” Jensen just glared at him. 

It was going to be a very long evening, and relief still wasn’t in sight. He really needed that shower.


	17. Dreams and nightmares

Jared woke with a start in the middle of the night and sat up. His nightmares had become less intense, and the time in between them longer. He hadn’t woken in a while now. Because of that, he was a little surprised to be woken; until he remembered the dream he’d had. 

“Are you alright, Jay?” Jensen’s voice from the balcony behind his window startled him even more, and made his problem painfully obvious. Him…it was him I dreamt about, and then he realized. He’s sitting on the balcony again, in the middle of the night, and he’s smoking. Obviously, Jensen had heard him from there.

“Yeah…just a dream.” The raw quality of his voice led him ask himself just how vocal he’d been. Jared jumped from the bed, trying not to think about his hard on. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to get back to sleep without relieving his arousal, and that was out of the equation with Jensen on the balcony. He laid back and took some deep breaths; willing his erection down. The thought of JD alone helped with this pretty quickly.

That accomplished he got up and left his room for the fridge to take a coke out, before heading out on the balcony too. It surprised him that Jensen didn’t try to hide his cigarette. ‘Til now, Jared technically didn’t know he smoked. He stayed quiet; just sipped his drink, and stared into the darkness. It was Jensen who broke the silence.

“Nightmare?” Jared felt himself blush, and stared at his hands, before nodding. 

“You sit out here often.” he stated.

“I don’t need a lot of sleep.” Jared laughed quietly. 

“Why?” He just followed his instincts with the question. He wanted to know so much about Jensen, but just didn’t dare ask. 

“Had a job where I was often up at night.” That got Jared’s attention. It didn’t fit with what Jensen had told Tom about his former job.

“Personal trainers don’t do nightshifts.” he stated.

“Way before that. I’ve done a lot of jobs over the last years…after I was fired from the job I’d considered my vocation.” Jared hadn’t expected an answer, but he wasn’t going to stop asking questions when given a chance.

“That spectacular failure?”

“Yep.” He could hear the reluctance in Jensen’s voice clearly now, and became quiet again. They just sat there; Jensen smoking another cigarette, and Jared sipping his drink. It didn’t feel awkward. That was what surprised Jared the most. 

* * *

“Erica asked me today about my profession! Did you talk to her?” They were sat in the car on their way home. Jared didn’t look at Jensen. Jensen gulped. 

“No. Why?” It was another fucking lie and, by now, Jensen felt bad for every time he lied to Jared, but he knew there hadn’t been another way. So he softened the whole thing a little. “We talked about how good you are with children, but that’s it.” 

Erica had asked him in their last private session why Jared hadn’t called, and he’d had to admit that he didn’t dare to talk about it with Jared, because he didn’t want to come off as meddling in his business. He’d literally begged her to do it herself, and ‘pretty please’, to leave him out of it. Obviously, she’d done exactly that today, but Jared sill was suspicious.

“She said the same to me today.” Jared chuckled, “and she made the same joke you did not so long ago.”

“It’s a shame. There’s no question about it.”

“Jen, I’m not your boyfriend. So theoretically, I have no right to be there for free. You know very well that normally just partners of employees have the right to use the gym for free. **) Looking after the kids, it’s just kind of a payback for me. I know I don’t need to do it, but I want to.” Jensen just shook his head. It was so typically Jared. He didn’t want to depend on anyone. 

“What did Erica want?” he changed topic.

“We talked a little. She told me I’d done really well with the kids, and we ended up talking about our jobs. She’s a teacher at St. Justin Marine Academy, a private school here in Key Largo. When I told her that I was trained as a teacher, she asked me if I wanted a job. Jen, she asked me to ring up and arrange an interview with her boss, Professor O’Toole.” 

Woman…I love you. “And?” 

“I think I might do it. School year starts in two weeks. It would be…great…if I could work as a teacher.” 

“Damn, Jay, then do it. If she’s asked you, she must know what she’s doing.” The joy Jensen was radiating was honest. He’d known Jared would probably be stubborn, even if Erica asked him, but he obviously really wanted that chance. He saw Jared smile, and knew he was right. “We should celebrate.” But at that, Jared just snorted.

“I will not celebrate anything before I know if it’s going to work out or not.” Jensen just laughed. Once again, that was typically Jared. He felt like celebrating, even if he wouldn’t say so again. He was sure they’d taken a big step in the right direction.

* * *

Jim ripped a paper serviette into pieces while he waited for Morgan at Macy’s once again. The lawyer had asked for the meeting, and Jim was pretty damn sure the job was over. He had no solution, no real idea what to do next. 

JR had made sure there was no way to find him when he’d taken the precaution of switching his phone off. Jim was sure he had another one, but the fucking bastard obviously had still connections in the FBI. There was no way for him to lay his hands on Ackles’ personnel files in the States. Morgan had no connections there, and the only thing he had left to do was to give him his money back. The asshole was late, and Jim was considering leaving, as he’d already waited thirty minutes. He was just about to wave a waitress over so he could pay for his coffee, when Jeffrey Dean Morgan showed up. 

“I need you to work faster.” was all he said. No greeting, no explanation, no nothing. Jim huffed.

“I can’t work faster. I don’t even have a clue what to do anymore. Ackles shut me down when he switched off his cell. I have no way to find him. Don’t you realize that? There’s no chance of ‘faster’. There is probably no chance of anything. All I can do is to give you your money back.” The look he got from Morgan for that statement was very dark.

“I wouldn’t try that in your shoes. I want you to bring Jared back. No matter what. We have an agreement.” For the first time, he was a little intimidated by the man. All of sudden, he wasn’t sure Morgan was even sane, but he wouldn’t let him scare him. 

“Morgan, don’t you realize I have no way to find him? He’s doing this on purpose. I don’t know what kind of dirt JR found on you to react like this, but if he doesn’t want to be found, I’m very sure I can’t find him. He’s a fucking former FBI agent, and obviously still knows how to work that. I tried to get my hands on his US files, but there’s no way. Everything about him is confidential.” He saw Morgan frown. 

“Your hunter was in the FBI?” Jim was afraid Morgan might not like that, but he was wrong. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” 

“What did it matter?”

“It matters, because I have connections over there. I’m a lawyer.” 

“You mean you could probably find something about him? Best would be a cell that I can trace.” Damn, I shouldn’t do this. I should throw his money in his face, and be gone. That man is possessed. I bet you know what you are doing, JR. Jim wasn’t so sure he would come out of this unscarred. He hadn’t misheard Morgan’s threat; he couldn’t try to back out now. Morgan was a lawyer, and he had connections. Jim knew he had some skeletons in his closet that he didn’t want to found. He didn’t know if the man had something on him, but was willing to bet that he probably did. 

It wasn’t the first time he’d regretted taking the job. 

Morgan stood up again. He obviously was in a hurry, but he told Jim, “I’ll probably need some time, but I think I should be able to get my hands on a US cell number for Ackles; even if he is protected by the FBI. And then you will find Jared for me, just so you know.” And with that, he was gone again. 

Jim slumped in his seat, a dark expression on his face. The job had gotten out of hand, that much was certain, but he had no way to back out anymore, because he had a feeling Morgan had him by the balls already. 

 

JD went back to court, but his concentration was shot to hell. Luckily, the case he was working on had already been tried, and he just had to hear the verdict. His client should be out of trouble within the hour. Beaver, on the other hand, was in trouble, and JD was almost sure he suspected it. 

The endless delays in retrieving Jared had made JD impatient. He had started to dig up dirt on Beaver to get a hold over him because, no matter what, he was the best. He had tried others, PI agencies, and even another bounty hunter, but everyone had told him that if Beaver couldn’t find the target, then no one could. He’d also heard the stories about this Ackles guy too. It was the same story as the one about Jim Beaver, and JD was almost sure it was related; at least in the younger man’s past, with just one grave difference. There was no dirt to dig up on Jensen Ross Ackles. There wasn’t even a useful picture of the guy. 

What Beaver had said about Ackles made JD nervous. He seemed to believe that Ackles had changed sides and was looking out for Jared, and that, if so, they had a problem. He definitely wouldn’t ignore this information; especially considering that Beaver obviously believed Ackles probably had his own interests in Jared. That JD couldn’t let go unpunished. He had to assess Ackles fully, but when if he’d laid hands on his husband, he would pay. That much was certain. 

JD was engrossed in dark thoughts, as his client was judged ‘not guilty’. He just grinned when the man hugged and thanked him. He was already on his next task; contacting Freddy Lehne, his informant in the FBI. 

JD had his connections, and he would use them now. 

* * *

Jensen was nervous, and he was sure Weatherly had noticed it, but that wasn’t important today. Jared had an appointment with Annette O’Toole, the director of the St. Justin Marine Academy today. 

He had panicked during the morning, and Jensen had been late for work, but he’d needed to calm Jared down. It had been a difficult task, and in the end he’d dragged Tom along, and the qualified nurse had given Jared a light sedative. They both had been more then worried about this but, half an hour later, the meds had kicked in, and Jared had been able to compose himself. He had been completely embarrassed by his freak out, but Jensen and Tom had just exchanged a look at this. They were partners in crime, and they knew it. 

Tom had luckily been home today, and had stayed with Jared, but the appointment was something he had to master on his own, and Jensen hadn’t been this nervous about something in a while. He knew that they should be done any time now, and just hoped that Jared would show up at the gym soon, or he was going to be more stressed than he’d been in a long time. 

“You got something on your mind, Jen? You seem distracted.” Weatherly insisted on a break, and drank from his water bottle. Jensen wasn’t willing to tell him about Jared.

“It’s just not my day.” He provided as less as possible. 

“I’m not accustomed beating you this easily.”

“Sorry, I’ve got too much on my mind.” Just shut the fuck up. I don’t want to discuss this with you. You don’t even like Jared. 

“Is it about the kid? Where is he today, by the way?” So Weatherly had noticed Jared being here all the time, and still hadn’t given up hitting on Jensen. Asshole.

“Jared isn’t a kid, and he’s my boyfriend.” He snapped. “You want to go again?” Weatherly wasn’t happy about his statement.

“He’s always seemed way to shy to be with you. I thought it was just a ruse to get him in here. Isn’t he unemployed?” he poked some more. 

“I don’t think it’s any of your business…And…he is my boyfriend, no matter how unlikely it seems.”

“Oh, sorry.” Weatherly had obviously sensed he had overstepped. “Sure, let’s go again.” 

And on it was. Jensen, pissed like hell at the man, didn’t try to restrain himself anymore. Why Weatherly thought he could compete in a tournament was a mystery to him. The man had a certain talent, but certainly not enough to make it through a real competition. Jensen was determined to show him that, and now, with his head in the fight again, he had no problem doing just that.

Fifteen minutes, later the session was over, and Weatherly sure as hell realized Jensen had given him the first real showing of his own abilities. 

“That was a damn good fight. I’ll make sure to piss you off again in future.” He stated, breathing heavily. 

“I don’t think you want to see me really pissed off.” Jensen shot back.

“You mean you still held back?” That clearly surprised his client. 

“If I’d been really pissed, you’d be bruised an inch to your life, but you’re just a practice client, so I need to behave.” Jensen admitted with viciousness in his voice, and now Weatherly was visibly shocked, but he had no chance to say anything else.

Jared bolted through the door.

“Jen!” 

It was the first time Jensen had encountered college-Jared, and he was literally overwhelmed. The boy radiated so much joy and happiness; it hurt to think about the fact that had been taken away from him for so long. 

“How did it go?” He asked urgently. Jared didn’t answer. He just stormed up to him, pulled him into his arms, and swept him off his feet. He whirled him around in a full circle, and blurted, “O’Toole wants me to take over a preschool class. She says she’s very impressed from Erica’s comments about me working with the kids here, and she wants me on the staff. I got a job, Jen. I got a job as teacher. Goddamn, you’re my lucky charm, Jen, that’s for sure. You’re my lucky charm, even when you lie to me.” 

Jensen was completely flustered, and not just from that last statement. 

“Let me down, Jay.” Jared did so, and gazed adoringly down in his face, cause even if he was shy, he had at least three inches on Jensen, and Jensen realized that for the first time. 

“Erica told me you’d been scheming, and you don’t need to worry. I’m way too happy. And with that, he dove down and kissed him. Jensen just went with the flow.


	18. Discovered

“I want to celebrate today. What about inviting Tom and Mike to dinner?” 

Once again, they were sat in the car, and were on their way home. Jared was still visibly embarrassed about his behaviour. Weatherly had rudely interrupted their kissing, and sneered about professionalism. 

Jensen had given him the evil eye. That had shut him up, but Jensen wasn’t so sure if he still could consider him a private client. It didn’t matter. Jared was happy, and had the job of his dreams. That was all that mattered to Jensen at the moment. He avoided thinking about that kiss, even if he had considered it incredible. 

“What do you want to do?”

“Make dinner, and do some drinking. I think I have a lot of reasons to apologize to you and Tom. That’s the least I can do.” 

“So you want me to drive by the market?” Jensen didn’t look at him. He couldn’t. That would just bring back that kiss. He needed some more time to work this out, because he feared it was just a ‘spur of the moment’ reaction from Jared. 

“We should do it together. It saves time.” Jensen grinned.

“Okay.” 

 

Hours later they were sat together on the balcony, switching from the Champagne Jared had insisted on, back to beer. They had had a great time. Mike and Tom were truly happy for Jared, and so was Jensen. 

Jared had made his delicious Chilli, and they were stuffed to the brim. They’d watched the game, and no one had been able to understand why Jared was so happy when the Spurs beat the Mavericks except Jensen, and now the conversation centred around jobs, games and betting. 

The thing about betting came from Mike. He was quite the gambler when it came to betting on the games, and revealed the secret of his financial success. The money he’d built his business on was from bet he’d won. He still felt the urge to look up the results, and was currently pestering Jensen to let him have some time on his laptop. He’d realized a while ago that Jensen kept it on standby, and that it just needed to be flipped open. 

Jensen wasn’t very keen on this idea, but he was in a good mood, and the looks Jared threw him helped too. Nevertheless Jensen was very reluctant to let him use it, but he let himself be persuaded. So he closed all his files, and the IM, and gave in, throwing in warnings to leave everything else except the web browser alone. 

This caused Jared to joke about his deep and loving relationship with the device, and Tom was very amused.

“What’re you saying about me and my laptop?” Jensen made a dark face at Jared when he came back, but Jared just smiled.

“I know you are having an affair with it. I hear you torture it often at night.” Jensen glared. Jared clearly had a little bit much to drink. He was just about to lecture him about the fact that it helped him keep contact with former friends via internet, when a cry came from his room. 

“JENSEN…I think I did something wrong.” That made Jensen jump from his chair, and the other two started laughing. Jensen cussed a blue streak as he hurried inside.

“What the hell did you do?” He was pissed. He’d known letting Mike at his laptop was a bad idea. How bad, he realized when the door fell closed at his back, and he saw the slideshow about Jared on the screen. Fuck.

“Who the hell are you?” The bald man asked venomously, and his face clouded with a dark anger. 

Jensen rubbed his hands over his face. He knew it’d finally happened, what he’d feared so much, but had put back in the darkest recesses of his mind, never actually willing to think about what would happen when someone found him out. And it was his own fucking fault. 

He almost considered it an advantage that paranoid Mike was the one who found out in the end. His first goal would be protecting Jay and Tom from emotional damage, and the second would be a severe ass kicking for him. It made no sense to lie any longer, in the vain hope he could save this situation without endangering Jared.

“I’m Jensen Ross Ackles, bounty hunter. I was sent to retrieve Jared Tristan Morgan, better known as Jay Portman around here.” He answered resignedly. Mike stared at him, visibly surprised he had answered.

“You’re no bounty hunter…Bounty hunter don’t do profiling.” He stated, seemingly out of nowhere..

“What do you know about profiling?” Jensen was a little thrown by this reaction.

“I recognize it when I see it. I do watch CSI.” At this, Jensen couldn’t help but send Mike an incredulous look. 

“That’s your only problem here?” The look he got back was even more poisonous, but it seemed Mike wanted explanations, and this was his chance.

“Talk…I may be paranoid, but one thing’s certain; if you’d wanted to take Jay back to where he was wanted, he’d already be there. What’re the meanings of these diagrams in this slide show?” Jensen looked at the screen. Mike had opened the pictures he’d made from his wall in Vancouver. He had already resigned himself to telling the truth, and so he started talking.

“You’re right. It’s kind of a profile for Jay. As I said, I’m a bounty hunter…or rather, I was. Until I found Jay, and realized I couldn’t take him back.”

“If he was a criminal, you’d have a duty to take him back, no matter what you felt.” Mike interrupted. That asked for the worst part of this story and Jensen was sure he blushed

“He isn’t a criminal. His husband engaged my boss to retrieve him, and my boss gave the mission to me, because I’d brought back everyone he wanted me to until then.”

“Then this was a…”

“…man hunt. Yeah.” Yeah, Jensen, we knew from the beginning you were on thin ice.

“What kind of asshole are you, man?” Mike reacted as expected. He was just wired that way; no matter what kind of irregularities he had in his own past.

“Money makes the world go round, Mike. I think you know that only too well. And the fee was good. Forty-five grand if I suceeded.”

“You’re kidding me?”

“Sorry, but no.”

“What the hell is this about? Why did you quit?” Jensen was infinitely thankful Mike hadn’t just stopped thinking, and was still asking relevant questions. The last thing he needed was a screaming match, and the other two on his back too. So he went over to the laptop and moved the pictures on the screen.

“You see that? That’s Jared in college, alone, but carefree, hard-working, full of dreams and independent. This, he is three years later, married to an older man, well groomed, unable to hold a job longer than a few months. As far as I know, he was always fired because of health issues, but he never saw a doctor about them. He had no papers and no money, and was still alone, and completely dependant on his husband. That makes him an easy victim. I’m still not sure it wouldn’t have been better to back out of this job when I realised this.” 

“When you realised what?” Mike was clearly confused. Jensen looked at him. 

“Mike, he was a kept man…and he decided to run. Do I really need to go more into details? Look at these pictures.” He showed the one from college, and then the one when Jared was with Morgan. “And now think of the man on the balcony. What’s your impression?”

“He seems far away from both.” 

“And now tell me, why you’ve been so overprotective of him from the start? Tell me what Tom realized about Jared from the beginning.” Mike knew what he meant, and just stared at him.

“How the hell do you know all this?”

“Because I’ve got a fucking degree in Psychology from the FBI. Because it was once my job and I used to do this for a living. Because I just needed to look at the relationship between the three of you, and I knew what was happening. I’ve got your file, and I’ve got Tom’s. I know very well you two are the best thing that could happen to Jared.” He explained with vigour. “But I was fucking here already. And I knew my boss had had me traced to Florida and Miami. I couldn’t be sure there would be no one else following me who’d find Jared and take him back to that asshole…Fuck. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” Jensen had talked himself into a rant. 

“Hey…calm down, man.” Mike’s hand landed on his shoulder, and Jensen vaguely realized he should be the one calming Mike down, but he wasn’t. It was the last straw. He was in way too deep, and there was no way out.

Mike, in the meantime, had had his own epiphany about Jensen Ross Ackles. The guy really had fallen hard for his victim, and had, in turn, become a victim of his own sense of responsibility. He watched as Jensen composed himself. He needed to know everything that was going on…now. That much he owed to Tom and Jay; Jared. “Okay, why is this husband such a big problem?” He continued his interrogation of Jensen. 

Jensen showed Mike the next picture in the series, one with Morgan in the equation. 

“I wasn’t sure in the beginning, but when I finally met Jay, I was.”

“What do you mean? What about?”

“Do you really not see what I mean?” Jensen still couldn’t understand why no one had ever asked about Jared’s strange career, about his never treated health issues, and the fact he had no papers and no money. However, seeing Mike’s reaction he realised that maybe Mike had known that Jared was running from something but just let it slide because he had n6 5dea about the extent and didn’t want to push. Mike hadn’t dug any deeper, had taken everything that Jared was at face value. It was only Jensen that really knew the extent of the horror that Jared obviously had been subjected to. Even Jim Beaver hadn’t realized the real problem, and he knew people. 

“I’m sure he’ll hate me if he ever learns about what I’m doing. I want you to promise to keep your mouth shut about all of it, even to Tommy.”

“Tom is…

“I know what Tom is. I know how the both of you work, but it doesn’t matter to me. Promise, or this talk is over.” Jensen could see he pissed Mike off. Jealousy crashed in with full force. What these two men had together was something he’d dreamed about all his life, but he’d never believed he’d ever find it. 

“Then I go out and tell him who you are.” Mike threatened, and was clearly sure he had the better angle, but he was wrong.

“Okay…go. Tell him. He’d throw me out; would have every right to. He’d run again. Just to be safe. Possibly he’d really be safe then. But He’d have to start over again, and he would close up even more. Go, tell him.” The intensity Jensen showed had an obvious effect on Mike. “We just can pray then that Morgan never finds him.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you know? Tom knows, I’m sure. He sees the scars on his soul, and the darkness in his eyes.” 

“Okay, I promise. So what made him run?”

“As I said. He’s an easy victim. I have no real proof, but most of his reactions lead me to the conclusion his relationship was abusive.”

“You mean abusive in the sense of beating?” Mike was getting more and more hesitant now. 

“I don’t think so. I mean in the sense of completely dominating abusive. He gets absolutely submissive very quickly, when you handle him correctly. He did it the first time I was at the Tallon, followed my orders without any resistance.”

“What…submissive…how…uhm…You don’t mean he was…” Mike broke off and gulped. He became quiet at the implications. Jensen looked at him sternly. He didn’t want to tell all of it; but he felt Mike needed the whole hard truth, until he realized he was serious.

“Yes, I’m talking about complete domination…in every sense of the word; emotional, physical and sexual. We would call it rape, Jared probably sees it as abuse, and punishment for mistakes he never made. At least, I don’t think he sees it our way. He was married to Morgan. He was his husband’s property, and, for him, in a twisted logic, that gave Morgan the right to take him as he pleased. He finally just couldn’t bear it anymore, and ran the first chance he got.”

“This is perverted.”

“I know.”

“That’s why you decided to protect him.” Jensen glared at that, even though he knew Mike was right.

“I just don’t know if I’m really protecting him, or if I’m endangering him even more. I cut my ties with Vancouver, but Morgan is a lawyer. He probably has connections. If they find me, they find Jared.” Mike started pacing. 

“I still think you’re an asshole, but I think he’s better off with you than without you. We’ll keep our eyes open too.” He stated. 

“Mike, I don’t want you to tell Tom. I’m serious about this. Tom’s a good guy, but he’d get upset, and Jared has the radar of a bat right now. He feels every shift in mood. It comes with the need for self-protection.”

“You’ve really got a thing for him, don’t you?” Jensen didn’t answer, but Mike didn’t need an answer.

“Promise me not to tell Tom.”

“We’ll see about that. For now, I’ll be quiet. And be sure, I’ll be keeping a close eye on you…and Jay.” Jensen could see Mike was still angry, but he obviously understood his reasoning. “I’ve got one more question? Why didn’t you tell him from the beginning?” At that, Jensen stared off into space.

“What do you think he would have done?” Mike contemplated this a moment. He obviously came to the same conclusion as Jensen.

“Running in panic…considering all the things you said. Damn, fuck.”

“You’ll probably not believe me, but it makes me feel a lot better hearing that you have the same feeling about this. Thanks, Mike. Thanks for giving me a chance to protect him, and trusting me enough.” Mike just looked at him. 

They went back out on the balcony after that, game faces on, but Jensen felt Jared’s eyes on from the moment they were back.

 

Not so much later, Tom and Mike said their ‘Good nights’ and Jensen was alone with Jared. He followed when Jared went inside, and closed the balcony door behind him. 

“You are alright there, Jay?” Jensen had a feeling Jared had something on his mind. 

“Did Mike hurt your electronic baby?” Jared answered, without looking at him. Diversion tactic, Jay? What’s really on your mind?

“Nothing that couldn’t be solved. Luckily.” He didn’t expand on that last statement. He was the lucky one today; for Mike trusting him enough to keep his mouth shut. 

“That’s good.” Jared sprawled on the couch, and stared of into space. There was clearly more on his mind, but suspecting what it was, Jensen would be damned if he started this conversation. 

“You want another beer?”

“Water would be fine.” 

“The Champagne gone to your head?”

“All kinds of alcohol go to my head…so obviously do endorphins.” Jensen couldn’t help but laugh at this. So, you’re searching for excuses. “That’s nothing to laugh at.”

“Jay, you don’t need to look for excuses. Did I say, do, anything to give you that impression?” They both knew exactly what they were talking about. Jared still didn’t look at him, but his cheeks seemed to be a little darker now.

“I…this…you…”

“We don’t need to talk about this. It was…”

“I don’t want your opinion on this. I already know you’ve overanalyzed it.” Jared snapped, and a moment later looked embarrassed again. “I…I want to talk about it.” 

Jensen sat down on the armchair opposite from the couch. He stayed quiet; just looked at Jared. He continued, sounding even more insecure. “The problem is…I…I’ve wanted to do this for a while now, but you…you wear so many masks, it’s impossible to see what you think.” 

That one took Jensen by surprise, even if he knew it shouldn’t really be a surprise, not coming from Jared. Radar of a bat, remember? He decided to just hear him out.

 

Jared chanced a look at Jensen. He knew he’d followed a high of endorphins and happiness when he’d kissed Jensen, but he also knew he’d wanted it, and hadn’t been lying when he’d said he’d been wanting it for a while now. It wouldn’t have been a problem if Jensen hadn’t kissed him back, but Jensen had kissed him back. He’d been in to it as much as Jared had; and that was where the problems started. 

He needed to clear the air, before anything could go wrong. 

He was fairly sure something had happened between Mike and Jensen earlier today, and he felt the ground under his feet wear thinner and thinner. He didn’t want to stress Jensen even more, but he needed to know, and so he blurted “Ineedtoknowhowyoustandonthis…” before he could chicken out again. 

“Ehm…come again?” Jared looked up, and visibly swallowed. 

“I need to know how you stand on this, Jen. I…I know you kissed back, yeah, but…I…” I can’t bear the thought you just did it because the opportunity arose. I simply can’t bear to be just used. He couldn’t say that out loud, and just hoped Jensen understood without him needing to say it, as he did so often. 

“Honestly, I was surprised. It was nothing I would have expected from you, from what I’ve seen of you, at least, til now. I would have pegged it for a ‘spur of the moment’ reaction, and not ever said anything, in case you regretted what happened.”

“I don’t…” fell from Jared’s lips, and he blushed even more deeply. He would live if Jensen wasn’t interested. He really would. But this kiss was something he never wanted to forget. Ever. Because it meant he had a chance to leave behind what had happened with JD; and because it had been simply wonderful. 

“So, if I’ve got this right, you want to know how I feel about you.” The honesty in Jensen’s eyes shocked Jared to the core. It was one of those moments; one where he felt as if he saw the real Jensen, without any mask. 

“Yes.” Jared couldn’t stop to look at him. He wanted to see. He wanted nothing more than to see Jensen without any of his masks, no matter what came out of it. When Jensen smiled, Jared knew he’d fallen in love. 

“Honestly, I was attracted to you the first time I ever saw you, but I knew you had a lot of issues, and never would have guessed there would be ghost of a chance.” It was the truth, and it was heartfelt. 

“Good…” he said quietly. “Because I’m insecure as hell, and totally surprised by this…and I have my reasons, believe me.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“No. Definitely not. I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page. Because you’re like a ray of hope for me. Hope for a future, and I want this. Even though I know that I need to go really slow. Can you do this, Jen? Can you give me this?” 

 

He looked at Jensen with such terrifying honesty, it hurt, but Jensen already knew he couldn’t say no. It was what he wanted too, even if he was signing up for a place in hell doing it. He knew their relationship till now would go to hell if he said ‘no’, and all he had done would have been for nothing. He also knew that Jared would never forgive him if he ever found out why Jensen was there in the first place, but he would risk it. 

He’d put himself in this position. He’d fallen for a guy that he’d kind of betrayed from the beginning, and even if the outcome was heartbreak for him, he’d make sure Jared never blamed himself. 

He’d fallen in love – and it just added to the chaos his life had become. 

“Yes…I can give you that…if you want me too.” The smile on Jared’s face was worth anything he had to pay for it in the future.


	19. Learning to know each other…a little

It was coincidence that Jensen woke up after just a short amount of sleep in the middle of the same night. He wasn’t very surprised. The whole day had been kind of a rollercoaster for him, and his mind was once again working overtime. His guilty conscience was in overdrive about the things that had happened, and he couldn’t fall back asleep. After a short time spent tossing and turning, he got up to get something to drink from the fridge, to see Jared sitting on the small balcony; his pose anything but relaxed. 

He took a can of soda from the fridge and went slowly outside; sure that Jared had heard him by now, but he still didn’t look up. One look at his tightly clasped hands told Jensen he was freaking out and near panic. Without hesitation, Jensen sank to his knees in front of him, and took Jared’s hands in his.

“Hey…what’s wrong, Jay? Why are you sitting out here in the dark? That’s normally my job. Jared didn’t look up; on the contrary, he bowed his head even lower. Jensen could guess what was wrong. He let Jared’s hands go.

“You want to take it back, what you said earlier?” Jensen felt an uncomfortable pang in his chest; he wouldn’t like it, but he could understand it. He knew Jared was troubled enough without any further complications. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” Jared’s answer was so quiet, Jensen had trouble hearing it. “Sometimes I really hate myself.” Jensen grabbed his hands almost instinctively. 

“Hey! That’s the last thing I want.”

“I know.” Jared replied. “My mind is playing havoc with me, Jen. What happened scares me to hell…I…”

God damn, that lawyer. If I ever lay my hands on him, I’ll well and truly show him exactly what’s on my mind right now. It wouldn’t be pretty, of that he was certain. Jensen knew he had to turn the current situation around, without their whole relationship going to hell.

“Could you forget about it? Could you just leave it behind, as if it never happened?” The question was honest, but completely unintentionally duel-edged Jensen realised, just a fraction of a second later, when Jared started one of his rare rants.

“You have no idea how much I wish for just that, Jen. I wish I could leave behind what happened. I wish I’d never become the guy I’ve been for so long. It would take a great deal of my fucking fears away. I could be carefree again.” 

By then Jensen realised Jared had related his question to his past; not the things they’d talked about before they’d gone to bed. He didn’t stop Jared, thinking that it could be a good thing if he could let off some of his inner tension. 

“I wouldn’t even need to think about what happened this afternoon. On the contrary, I’m sure that whole thing would have gone a lot different. But I can’t. I just can’t. I‘ve got the feeling there’s something in my mind, something that wants me to not to trust; that just scares me enough to shy away from everyone. I hate it. I hate being scared all the time. I hate that panic mode is second nature for me, and that I even can’t defend myself if necessary. I hate it.” Jared sank yet a little deeper, and put his face in his hands. 

Jensen let him, and just looked at him. By now, he was sat on the ground, Indian style. He knew only too well what Jared was talking about, and that was the problem. All he wanted to do was to take Jared in his arms, and make his fears go away.

“There is nothing I want as much as what you’re offering me, Jen. But I’m so scared. I’m so scared; I want to run away, to just not feel that temptation. I’m so scared that I’ll be hurt again.” 

It was the moment Jensen realised he couldn’t back out anymore. What Jared said was like a silent scream for help; to be taken by the hand, and led to safety. He knew there was probably a hell of heartache in his future, but he had to bring Jared out of this mindset. Jared had to realise that love had nothing to do with physical hurt, domination or force, and that being with someone didn’t automatically mean he had to be hurt, or scared. Jared had reached out for him, to ask him prove this, and he could do that. 

Carefully, he took Jared’s hands from his face, and intertwined their fingers. Jared let him, but he didn’t look up.

“You know I can’t promise you never to hurt you. That’s impossible. It happens in every relationship, often enough unintentionally.” Jared’s finger tensed at this, but he didn’t pull away. “But there are some things I can promise you. I can promise you to never hurt you physically in any way. I can promise you to never make you do things you don’t want to do. I can promise you to respect your opinion. I can promise you to talk it out; what ever it is. These things I can promise you. I don’t know if that’s enough. We both know I have things in my past I don’t want to talk about yet, and I think you do too. I don’t know if you can accept decisions I’ve made, or if you will hate me for them someday. But I can’t change anything about that. It needs to stay the way it is, for now. If this is what you want, I’m right here.

“But I don’t want you to do something you can’t live with, Jay. I don’t want you to be scared. If you want me to, I can get back to before. I just hope you can too, if you want it that way.” He knew by now Jared was looking at him through his bangs. He was quiet for an eternity, his hands still in Jensen’s. 

“I can’t” was all he said, and hearing it cut through Jensen’s heart for a short instant, before he continued talking. “I thought I could, but I can’t. You’re an incredible person, Jensen. I’ve never met someone like you in my life before. Even if I wanted, I could never give up on you, especially after all the things you showed me tonight.” By then Jared’s fingers gripped his so hard, it bordered on painful. Jensen let him, and the smile on his face was the same as when he told Jared he could go with this. 

“Then why are we sitting here in the early hours, instead of sleeping?”

“Because I’m an idiot?”

“I don’t think you are. I’m just glad we could sort this out a little.” Jensen heaved himself from the ground, and pulled Jared from the chair. “Sleep! Now!” Jensen preceded, guiding him inside and closing the balcony door; neither of them noticing Mike behind the next balcony door, a cryptic expression on his face. 

 

Inside Jared watched Jensen empty his soda, and throw the can in the trashcan. He wasn’t sure what to do next, how to get what he really longed for. When Jensen looked at him, he felt heat in his cheeks. 

“What is it? You still don’t want to sleep?” He winked at that, and Jared blushed even more. 

“I’m just not sure I can. I’m a head case, I know.” Jensen’s face became serious as he stepped close, one hand reaching for Jared’s face and caressing his cheek. The next Jared knew, Jensen’s hand was gripping his, and he was dragging him along into his room. 

“What…?”

“You never should underestimate my mind reading powers. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you can sleep.” He pushed Jared on the bed and, for a moment, he was literally paralysed with fear. But then Jensen climbed in next to him, fully clothed, and pulled the thin sheet he slept under over them. Jensen nudged him aside a little, and slid his arm around his shoulders. 

Shocked into silence, Jared realised what was happening. Jensen was cuddling him. Timidly, he shifted a little closer, his hand slipping onto Jensen’s chest, feeling his heartbeat.

“Sleep now.” Jensen once again whispered into his hair, and Jared felt a faint brush of lips there. He fell asleep with a smile on his face within minutes. 

~

When Jensen woke the next morning, he was alone in bed. It didn’t especially surprise him. Jared was a morning person, and he was almost sure he’d been up a while by now. Stretching, he reminisced over the events of the night before. What a mess. But, on the other hand, he just couldn’t believe how cute Jared had been. 

Jensen knew he’d been shocked when he had dragged him to his room. He’d seen it on his face. But he had been determined to calm Jared down; to give him a feeling of safety. He still clearly remembered that first night, when Jared had slept in his motel room; how he’d clung to him, when he’d reassured him he was safe. It had worked again. Jared had fallen asleep within minutes and had clung to him like he was his lifeline. It had shocked Jensen a little, how well they’d fitted together. There was no struggling, no bumping limbs, no nothing. Jared had slept, snuggling into his body, and he had fallen asleep the same. 

It just surprised him that he hadn’t registered when Jared had woken and gotten up, but Jensen could very well imagine the reasons for this. Morgan probably hadn’t wanted to be woken when Jared had fled their bed. He had practice in being stealthy. 

The door wasn’t closed entirely, and Jensen could hear Jared quietly moving about in the living area. The smell of coffee tickled his senses, and he got up slowly, wandering out of his room. Jared was sat at the high counter, studying a newspaper. Obviously he had been out already; he’d definitely been for a run. Jensen went over to him, and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. He indulged himself in the small smile that appeared on Jared’s face. 

“Morning. Why didn’t you wake me when you went for a run?” He strolled over to the coffee machine and filled a cup, sipping the hot brew carefully. Jared’s coffee was simply the best, and he still had no idea how he did it. 

“Thought you needed more sleep. I would have woken you any minute now.” A look at the clock told Jensen it was already half past nine. He had to be at the studio, by 10.30. “Want me to make some breakfast?”

“Have you already had some?”

“Chocolate muffins.” 

Jensen chuckled. “I can live with some cereal. You coming to the studio with me?” He saw Jared blush, and suspected the answer was going to be no.

“I’m sorry, but I think I need to get on to that stuff for work. Now that I have a job.” 

Jensen grinned into his bowl of cereal. “Haven’t you forgotten something?” 

Jared frowned, “What?” 

“You are in a new class, Jay.” He was flustered, while Jensen decided to go against all his principles once more and continued nervously. “You can take the car. You just need to pick me up in the afternoon.” 

The smile on Jared’s face became sly. “Didn’t you say yesterday it would be the exception, rather than the rule, if you ever let me drive your baby?” 

Jensen continued sipping coffee and eating cereal, answering that between mouthfuls.

“We can’t let you get behind in the course, and we can’t let you miss out on your work, so we have to compromise.” He felt Jared’s gaze heavy on him, but didn’t say anything else. When he got up to take a quick shower, Jared snatched his arm and pulled him close.

“Thanks.” He murmured, before pressing a quick kiss on his lips. 

Jensen was thankful he was on his way into shower anyway after that. Jared kind of manhandling him had had an unmistakable effect on him. 

* * *

The following Saturday they were at the Tallon once again. Mike had steamrolled them into it, as usual, but Jensen wasn’t unhappy about it. He liked the bar a lot now. Even Jared hadn’t protested too much about work he had to do when Mike had come over. Jensen had his own opinion on why he’d agreed so fast, but he would never let on he suspected Jared of having a slightly possessive streak. 

He was well into preparations for his job as a teacher, and even had called Erica to help him out here and there. She had kidded about him being a very eager puppy, and that the kids would bring him down very fast during her session with Jensen, but he’d just grinned at her. Jared loved kids, and he had a way with them. Peter, the boy he tutored was a shining example. His mother was full of gratitude towards Jared, because her son had improved so much in English since Jared had started tutoring him. 

Jared and Tom were currently seated on a small side table near the stage, where the newest live band had just started playing. Jensen was about to get another beer for Tom and himself. Jared, as usual, still nursed his first. Mike was behind the bar. 

Their relationship had changed since Mike had found out his reasons for being there. He was a little more wary around Jensen. On the other hand, Jensen had the impression Mike’s trust in him had improved, thanks to the fact that he’d been honest. His jealousy had gone completely, and he fully trusted him to look out for Tom and Jared. 

At the moment, he was busy serving some people at the other end of the bar, and Jensen waited patiently for him to come over. The other bartenders blissfully ignored him, knowing well he was Mike’s friend, and Mike served his friends himself. 

“And? Are you about to fall into another drinking binge?” Jensen was a little startled by the statement, but looking at the man who’d spoken, he realized it was that Went guy. The one he’d flirted with, and then landed in his lap. Jensen couldn’t help but blush. 

“Not really. I think I’ll stay away from Tequila for a while.”

“And there I thought I could invite you for one. Wentworth Miller.” He stuck his hand out, and Jensen took it, chuckling. 

“Jensen Ross…and probably another time.” He didn’t want to give the wrong impression. “I’m not alone here.” He saw Went’s eyes widen suddenly, and felt a hand at his waist a moment later. A look over his shoulder told him that Jared stood behind him. 

“What’s holding you up, man? Tom’s whining. He’s waiting for his beer.” 

“You should address that to his boyfriend, who’s currently busy avoiding this part of the bar.”

“No one is avoiding anything here.” Mike appeared out of nowhere, throwing a curious glance in Jared’s direction. The hand on Jensen’s waist was gone, and Jared hid his face behind his newly grown bangs. 

“I’ll be right back. Want any help then?” 

Damn boy, what’re you doing? “I think I’ll manage, or do you want anything special? Tequila perhaps?” Jared threw him a dark look, before he turned and disappeared in direction of the rest rooms.

“Possessive much?” was to be heard from Went, and he found himself on the receiving end of dark looks from both Mike and Jensen. Chuckling, he turned back to his drink, while Mike looked at Jensen, serving him his beer, and hissing: “Are you mad?”

Jensen was puzzled by this. “Why?”

“You’re signing up to get your fucking heart broken. Don’t you realize that?” Now Jensen glared.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know very well what I’m talking about. I’m talking about you and Jay.” Jensen blushed crimson. 

“There is…”

“Don’t even try it. I see everything. You just need to know one thing, if you hurt HIM in the process, I’ll have your balls.” And with that, he was gone again, and Jensen once again felt Wentworth’s eyes on him. 

“What?” he snarled, without looking over.

“I would take him seriously, if I were you. He can be a pain in the ass.” Jensen gave Went another dark look.

“It isn’t as if I didn’t know that.” And with that, he turned and went back to the table, but his good mood was gone. 

Jared, like the oversensitive radar device he was, caught onto Jensen’s changed mood within minutes. The moment Tom decided to keep Mike company behind the bar, he skidded closer, and asked, “Did Mike harass you because of me?” 

Jensen stared at his beer. What had he expected? “He’s overprotective. You should know him by now.”

“I’m sorry I was so obvious.” Jensen was ready to kick Mike’s ass by then. Fucking good way to feed Jared’s insecurities, Mike. He reached for his hand under the table. 

“Did you want this to stay a secret?” 

Jared just blushed. “I just don’t want you to be harassed because of it. I was the one who made a move.” 

Jensen’s bad mood dissolved, and he gave Jared a quick kiss on the lips. “I don’t think he’d believe you about that. I’m the bad guy here.” 

Jared chuckled quietly. “You’re the mystery guy, not the bad guy.”

“You think so?” 

“I know so.” In that moment, Jensen wanted to kiss Jared so badly, it literally hurt, but he didn’t move. Jared looked at him with hooded eyes for what seemed an eternity, then he leaned in and kissed him. 

They were rudely interrupted just seconds later by Tom, putting some more beer down on the table. He threw Jensen the same dark look Mike had sent him before. More bashing on its’ way, as soon as he gets a chance. And I didn’t even tell Chris and Steve. I’m in over my head. Fuck.

The funny thing was, during the rest of the evening, Jared didn’t give anyone a chance to get to him again. He stayed in reach, often closer. By the end of the night, he’d clearly stated that he disapproved of the behaviour of his friends. Jensen just was intrigued to find out if it would help.


	20. Need; want; trust…love?

The cute thing about the whole situation was that Jared was clearly taking Jensen’s side, and showing he was the one initiating a lot of their relationship really made a difference; even when Jensen was sure only Tom saw this difference, and pressured Mike to go along. 

Tom’s reasons to be a little wary were entirely others, then Mike’s. He obviously had been worried Jensen had given in and followed his own desires. Knowing that it had been Jared, making the first step, had mad it right for Tom. He just wanted Jared happy and as long as he was the one setting the pace it was okay, with him. 

Mike on the other hand was once again soundly pissed at Jensen and not even Jared, telling him in his own shy way that he had been the one who made the first move here, didn’t change anything. The problem was, Jensen understood his reasons. Mike knew who he really was, and he knew why he was there in the first place. He was just too stubborn to realize Jensen nevertheless knew what he was doing. 

They had a hard clash about this the moment Jared had left for his first day at work. It was a screaming match they luckily had no witnesses for; both of them by then angry enough to ruthlessly throw truths around that no one should know at the moment. 

At the end Mike had resignedly asked if Jared really had made the first move, and then he had stated he just hoped Jensen knew what he was doing.

Jensen did – kind of. But when he dared to think honestly about it, he felt like the shittiest asshole ever, and he didn’t have many doubts as to the inevitable outcome of this when Jared realized the truth. He knew he had kind of promised him not to intentionally hurt him, but he also knew this would inevitably happen. At the moment, he played for time, in the hope that he could boost Jared’s self esteem enough to overcome the unavoidable blow; never quite giving up the hope he could wiggle his way around it.

He let the younger man lead all advances in their relationship, and never pressured him. They were both still fully clothed whatever they did, even if he felt Jared getting bolder slowly. Jared’s big hands on his cock, even through his clothes, had made him see stars more than once up ‘til now, especially considering how much pent up sexual energy he had in the meantime. He was careful not to let Jared know he still had to relieve himself in the shower everyday, just to make sure he didn’t feel bad about it. 

 

Since the night he had taken Jared to bed with him, Jared slept in his room every night. It seemed he slept better there, snuggled up close to Jensen. It felt way too good in Jensen’s opinion, but he couldn’t take back what he had once offered, and he didn’t want to. Jensen knew that made him even more damned, but he couldn’t help it. All this felt more like the kind of relationship he had always wanted than anything else that had come before and this, in all honesty, made everything just worse somehow. 

* * *

Jared looked at the shadow in front of the window, and felt, once more, the inner turmoil Jensen was in. By now he was sure there was something important Jensen wasn’t telling him, and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was.

Mike was still pissed at Jensen, so he probably knew more than he was saying. Jared had been already close to asking him about it, but then shied away again. He had a feeling that Jensen had his reasons. He knew that Jensen didn’t talk to his former friends as often as he had in the past. He obviously didn’t want to admit some of the changes in his life. It gave Jared a stinging ache in his chest, and he’d asked himself more then once if Jensen was ashamed of their relationship. 

Pushing these thoughts out of his mind, he resolutely went over to Jensen, slid his arms around his waist, and asked.

“Longing for a cigarette?” The weather outside was too bad to allow Jensen to sit on the balcony. Jared let his head sink onto Jensen’s shoulder, and snuggled his face in the curve of his neck, feeling Jensen’s fingers intertwine with his. “I wish you’d talk to me. I know there’s something on your mind. Are you ashamed of me?” he asked then quietly. This brought an immediate reaction from Jensen. He turned in his arms, and pulled Jared tightly into his arms. 

“Never think that.” He said urgently, and kissed the skin of Jared’s throat. 

“I just wonder why you never talk to your friends anymore…It’s…ehm…I’ve just got a feeling it has to do with the things happening between us.” Jensen pressed his forehead against his shoulder, and Jared almost couldn’t hear his mumble. 

“Chris and Steve would harass me for doing this. I’m not the most relationship-prone person…and I told them about you, the issues you have. Chris’s harassed me for a while now not to dare to take advantage.”

“Chris and Steve also, huh?” Jared grinned. This was the biggest chunk of his past Jensen had released till now, next to the spectacular failure he didn’t want to talk about. 

“Christian Kane and Steve Carlson. They’re my friends…over in Seattle.” Jared tensed at these last words; his mindset instantly changing. He couldn’t help it. Seattle was so close to Vancouver, it even sounded dangerous to him. 

“Jay, you alright?” He felt it. He felt me tense. Jared blushed. How do I get out of this one? Damn my loose tongue. 

“Uh…yeah…it’s…it’s just Seattle is…” he trailed off and gathered his wits, Jensen by now visibly worried. 

“Jay?” 

“Igotsomebadmemories…up there…in Canada…and…and it was my first thought… thatSeattleisalmostCanada.” He blushed furiously at his gabble, and hoped Jensen could sort it out, because he wouldn’t repeat it. Jensen just pulled him back in his arms.

“We are in Florida here, Jay. We’re almost sitting in the Atlantic ocean.” Jared felt a laugh bubble up in his chest at that, and couldn’t hold it back. The switch made him kind of dizzy, and it made him feel a lot better. Jensen’s hand touched his face, and he looked at him, all tension gone again. 

He was captivated by the dimly lit face of his lover. Lover. He is my lover. I’ve got someone to love. Not someone who thinks he owns me. He just dived in and kissed Jensen, immediately feeling something had changed. 

The want rolled over him with such vigour his head span. 

“I want you so much, Jen.”

“’I’m all yours.” came the ragged answer. It was as if a barrier had broken. Jared was revelling in Jensen’s touch. He let his hands roam over Jensen’s body, and knew it wasn’t enough. He knew by now that Jensen just followed his lead and, till this instant, he’d always bailed out, but he couldn’t this time. The need to be closer, to go a step further, burned in his body recklessly. 

“Want your hands on my body, Jen. Want you to touch me…please.” He was shaking, his body preparing for pain, even if he knew it wouldn’t come. 

“Jay…” Jensen’s voice sounded worried.

“No…please don’t let me run again. I need your help to overcome this, Jen.” I just need to be proven wrong. It was the truth. He could feel it deep inside him. He knew Jensen wouldn’t hurt him this way, and he wanted it to be over. He didn’t want to associate sex with pain anymore. Jared felt his face gripped by Jensen’s hands, and was forced to look in his eyes. What he saw in there scared him even more then his own fears for a short moment. 

“If I ever lay my hands on the bastard who did this to you, he can be happy if he comes out alive.” He growled, with a voice that left Jared shaking worse, at least until he realized what Jensen had said. Jensen wanted to hurt JD, not him. He wanted to hurt JD for the things he had done to his psyche, for the fact that he was so scared and damaged. There was no reason to fear the power that lay behind that statement.

Jensen’s fingers started to caress his temples, left him room to draw away. He saw his own hurt reflected in his eyes. The shaking ceased, and the want came back tenfold. Once more he captured Jensen’s lips; his hands, bold as never before, slipped underneath the t-shirt he normally slept in. It was electrifying; sparks of pleasure shot through his hands into his body. He started tugging on Jensen’s T-shirt and felt his hesitation, but it was impossible to stop.

“Please, Jen.” Jensen’s hands captured his. He kissed his fingertips. 

“Slow, baby, slow.” 

“Fuck slow.” He heard a dark chuckle from Jensen. 

“Jay…you’re out of control.”

“I know…and I want it this way.” He had never meant anything as much before. He didn’t want to be controlled anymore; not even by himself. Again, Jensen caressed his face.

“Calm down, baby, please.” but he pulled his shirt over his head, and gave Jared what he wanted. His fingers skidded reverently over silky freckled skin. 

“You are so beautiful.” He whispered in the skin of Jensen’s neck. Jensen’s fingers clung to Jared’s biceps.

“Jay…you need to slow down.” Jensen’s hands gripped Jared’s hair, and held him in place. “Please, baby, let us take it slow.” Their eyes met. Tears slid over Jared’s cheeks. He felt such a desperate want, it hurt. It had been too long; way too long; but nevertheless he registered what Jensen was saying, and deep inside he knew it was right. 

“Okay.” he sobbed. Jensen took his hand and dragged him along, into his room. A moment later he was pushed on the bed, nothing left from the panic he had felt when Jensen had done that the first time. On the contrary, he took hold of him and pulled him down, fusing their lips together. “I want you so much. I want to feel…Jen”

“You will, Jay…you will. Everything will be alright.” Jared was so far gone he didn’t even register when Jensen slid his clothes off. At the first contact of skin on skin he groaned, and his legs slipped around Jensen’s thighs. When their erections lined up next to each other, Jared lost control entirely, and started grinding against Jensen. He felt him press down on his body, and clenched his teeth in desperation. 

“Jen…” Heat curled in his body. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had felt like this. “Jen…Oh My God…”

“I got you…I got you, Jay.” Hands caressed his skin, lips devoured him. Sensation exploded in his body, and his blood seemed to boil. 

“Oh my god.” Jared was on overload and he knew it. He bit his lip hard when it got too much; his body tight as a bowstring. Orgasm hit like a fright train, surroundings stuttered to a halt, while white lights brought tears to his eyes. Jared didn’t even realize he was silently screaming.

 

Jensen couldn’t sleep. He had been unable to before Jared had come for him, but now it was completely impossible. Outside, a grey morning dawned and dim light filtered in, so he could see Jared beside him, and he couldn’t stop thinking.

What had happened tonight had churned him up deeply. He had never expected Jared could get so out of control. There had been a desperation behind his actions which had showed Jensen so much that he didn’t even want to think about it. But he couldn’t stop. 

It seemed all of Jared’s sexual frustration had broken free, and taken him by surprise. The things he had said had shown Jensen a truth that was even worse than anything before. Morgan must have just used him for his own desire. Obviously he’d stopped feeling a long time ago. He had literally been used as a toy for the desires of Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Jensen couldn’t even express how much he hated this man. What he had done to Jared was not just cruel. It was degrading, debasing, and, really, all sorts of perverted. 

He had broken Jared so severely he had problems handling his own desires, now that they were back. Jared’s orgasm had pushed him over the edge too, but seeing the silent scream, and the tears that streamed over his face had ripped Jensen apart. He wanted to mend, to protect, and to make him forget. He wanted him to heal, body and soul. 

Jensen had known before his feelings were deep, but just how deep was starting to disturb him. He had known he was in way too deep, but he was beginning to fear he would never escape again. Jared had him in his hands. He was at a point where he had to decide to stay, or to run for his life, and he had never been so scared before.

Signing up for hell, my ass. You’ve signed up for getting your heart broken once and for all. Jensen buried his face into Jared’s shoulder. What are you doing to me, Jay? What are you doing?

Jared was out like a light. He slept deeply, lying on his stomach, and gave Jensen miles of bare skin to touch. He already couldn’t get enough of it, and so his hand roamed gently over silky skin. It was then that he felt the first odd welt on his lower back. Curiously he lifted his head to look, and froze mid movement.

What he’d felt had been a scar, looking like a badly healed scratch, and it wasn’t the only one. There were more all over Jared’s back. Around the lower back and hips he had pointy ones, as if someone had dug his fingernails in too deep, again and again, and ripped open the remaining wounds repeatedly. 

Jensen felt cold. Jensen had realised Jared had probably marks on his body, after refusing to use the pool at the gym, and refusing to strip in front of him, but hadn’t realized how bad it was.

He could see scars that resembled bite wounds, and some that had been scratches so deep they scarred. He knew what that meant. They had been ripped open again and again. He reached instinctively for Jared’s hands to see his wrists, but there were no marks. Morgan obviously hadn’t needed to bind him. How the hell did could he have borne all that? 

With shaking hands, Jensen reached for the soft skin of Jared’s throat. I haven’t felt anything. It can’t be. There were no marks, but Jensen’s mind was working on overdrive, and had already analyzed the options. Then it came to him; silk.

Silk didn’t scar skin. He shuddered violently, and bowed over Jared’s body, his arms hugging his waist tightly, but not tightly enough to bruise. A sequence of the talk, just before they’d managed to get to the sex, jumped into his head.

“Jay…you’re out of control.”

“I know…and I want it this way.”

The implications of that statement became so much worse after this, and Jensen didn’t understand how Jared did it; how he was even able to be so close to someone again. His face pressed harder in the small of Jared’s back, and he felt the tears falling from underneath his lashes. A moment later he had to bite back a sob, unable to assess what kind of hell Jared had gone through. He didn’t make it long through. The hurt and desperation that he only now really understood for the first time broke him apart, and he cried quietly for what had been done to that beautiful man. Jared, thankfully, slept peacefully through the whole ordeal of Jensen breaking down for the first time in a very long time. 

 

When he woke up finally, he was anything but peaceful. He freaked out about he fact Jensen had seen his marred body naked. After the fifth ‘leave me alone’ Jensen left. Jared was in no condition to talk. Jensen’s hands were shaking when he stepped on the balcony in only a t-shirt and boxers, the full dimensions of what he was up against finally making an impact on him. He fumbled for his cigarettes under an empty flowerpot, and lit one with still shaking fingers.

“You okay over there?” Mikes unexpected question made him jump. The bartender sat on a lounge chair with a cup of coffee in his hands.

“Damn…do you want to kill me?” Jensen snapped.

“Looking at you…I’m considering it.” Mike provided venomously. 

“What the hell are you doing up at this time?” It wasn’t even six in the morning. That much Jensen had seen from his alarm clock on the nightstand, before he had run from his own bedroom. 

“Tom’s working this weekend. He was getting up when I came in. We had coffee, and I always need some time to calm down in the morning. Where’s Jay? He’s normally the one who’s up at this time.” Jensen’s look went off into space, and he didn’t answer. 

 

Mike looked at Jensen a little more closely. He seemed severely rattled, and the hand holding the cigarette still shook. Something had clearly gone wrong. Mike still wanted to throttle him after realizing he had given in to Jared, even when he’d finally believed Jared was the one who’d made the first move. Tom had knocked it into his head. 

Tom still was convinced Jensen would never do anything to hurt Jared, even when he himself had been angry at Jensen too. And that was without even knowing what Jensen really did. He just believed Jared would need more time. Looking at Jensen, Mike almost could believe this too. 

“I told you, it’s a stupid idea.” Mike took a sip from his coffee and missed Jay’s. Tom couldn’t make a good coffee for the life of him. 

“It’s not a stupid idea. It’s just no simple task.”

“Why do I have the feeling Jay threw you out of your own bedroom for a reason?” Jensen didn’t dignify the question with an answer. “Jenny, why the hell didn’t you back away from this? You know there’s just one way this can end.” The intensity with which Jensen looked at him reminded Mike of the night he’d discovered who he was.

“Because there is no way out, Mike. Not for Jay…and not for me. Not anymore. I’m in for the long haul, and I can’t back out. I simply can’t.” There was clearly no room for discussion in that statement. Mike stared ahead, resigned. 

“Want some coffee? But I warn you, Tom made it.” He heard Jensen snort.

“I think I wouldn’t recognize dishwater at the moment.” Jensen didn’t look at him, and Mike felt a wave of regret wash over him. He’d it suspected from the beginning; Jensen was already in this thing way too deep, but now it seemed he’d finally come to realize what that meant, and it seemed worse than even Tom expected. He couldn’t help but be scared as to the outcome. 

Mike stood up to go inside and get a cup of coffee for Jensen. It was the least he could do, but when he came back, he stopped at the door when he saw Jared appear behind Jensen, wrapped only in a sheet, his hands grabbing for the other man. He watched when Jensen pulled him onto his lap. It was a hard task fitting a 6’4’’ tall guy there. Jensen was 6’1’’ probably, but that didn’t help. However, they managed. Jared curled up into himself, and into Jensen, Jensen wrapping his arms around his lean frame, pressing chaste kisses in his hair.

He watched how Jared pressed his face into the curve where Jensen’s shoulder met his neck, and saw Jensen’s lips form words, without seeing what he said, but something else screamed loudly through his head. As if they belong this way… and he could do nothing but admit that there really was no way back anymore, not without doing more damage to Jared. He started to hope Jensen would be able to handle this.

 

Jensen took Jared in; let him curl into him, feeling him crying, mumbling apologies. He dragged desperately on his cigarette, and watched the rain fall. When he felt hands slip under his shirt, seeking warmth, he pressed his cheek against Jared’s hair, unable to hold back anything anymore.

“I love you.” He said quietly, and he had never meant anything as much before. Jared relaxed in his arms.


	21. Terrifying revelations

*You’re awfully scarce here lately. Care to explain? * Jensen stared at the IM screen telegraphing Chris’ request. It was the first time in a while that he’d been online, and he still didn’t know what to say.

Jared lay on his bed. He had intended to read up on some stuff for work, but obviously working as a teacher was tiring. He was soundly asleep. 

Things had calmed down since his freak out a while ago, even if Jensen still had problems convincing him it had been nonsense in the first place. Jared was ashamed. The scars on his body showed what had been done to him, and he couldn’t bear the thought of someone else knowing. He’d only stopped arguing when Jensen had confronted him with his cruelest argument. ‘How do you expect to have a normal relationship when you never want to take your clothes off?’

The physical part of their relationship was progressing strangely. Jensen was still sticking to his guns, and letting Jared initiate everything. This was causing the worst mood swings in him, which were driving Jensen up the wall.

A honk came over the speakers of the laptop and shocked Jensen out of his musings. 

* yeah…I’m here…damn *

* I don’t have that impression, Ackles. If you don’t tell me what’s wrong with you in the next five minutes…I’m coming down there. I’ve got no problem taking time off. * That thought scared Jensen into submission. 

* I’m with Jared. * he stated matter of factly; staring at the screen, spellbound now. But time stretched for infinity after that message, and Jensen’s mood sank. Chris reacted as expected. Jensen was just wondering whether Chris was already booking a plane ticket, when the message window blinked again.

* it wasn’t as if I hadn’t expected this. * 

A moment later screaming came over the speakers, Chris, obviously unable to express himself otherwise, sent a voice message.

“ARE YOU MAD?…HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MARBLES?…JENSEN, I SWEAR…IF YOU AREN’T LYING…” Jensen scrabbled to turn the volume off but Jared sat nevertheless upright in his bed. 

“Jen…” he rasped, voice sleep raw. 

“Everything’s alright, Jay…Chris just got a little mad at me…” Jensen’s fingers danced over the keys with maddening speed as he told his friend off.

* he was sleeping, asshole. You woke him. He has to get up a little earlier than us for work. I know you’re mad at me…but that doesn’t change anything…*

* illllouris * A mix of letters showed on the screen, and Jensen knew Chris was still livid, and unable to write correctly. Seconds later, his cell phone started an obnoxious tune from a bad ninety’s pop song which Jensen had chosen for Chris’ ring tone, purely to piss him off. He felt Jared look at him and met his eyes; Jensen was very close to shutting off all communication with the outside world.

“I think you should talk to him, Jen.” Jensen knew he was right.

“I’m sorry, Jay, but I think I need to take this one outside.” He grabbed his phone, throwing an apologetic look at Jared, who didn’t show what he was thinking. 

“No problem. I need some more sleep anyway.” 

“I’ll be right back.” He closed the lid of his laptop and left the room for the balcony, already tasting his next cigarette. His phone, meanwhile, started ringing for the third time. He waited until it rang for the fourth time before he took the call. 

“Have you had time to cool down?” Jensen’s voice was anything but friendly by now. He knew Chris was angry at him, but he wouldn’t let him behave like this; disturbing Jared with his screaming. 

Chris had calmed down. 

“Are you mad, Jenny? Are you…have you really lost your mind now? I mean…you are…this…”

“I lost my heart, Chris.” That statement ended any further insults efficiently. There was a long silence on the other end, and Jensen just could hear Chris’ breathing, long before he spoke.

“You…you and…”

“Me and Jay, yeah. And you don’t even need to start; I know everything you want to say, and more. I know what I’ve signed up for, in every sense of the word.” Jensen explained.

“Even for the probably unavoidable heartbreak, Jen?” Jensen needed a little longer before he answered that.

“Yeah…”

“Damn.” He heard Chris cursing quietly in the background, then glass clinked against glass, and Jensen was sure he’d poured himself a strong drink. “Okay my boy, I have to say, I had hoped for some more intelligence on your part, but we both know that doesn’t make a lot of sense. And I knew from the beginning that you were smitten …” there was an artistic break Jensen didn’t like in the slightest, “…Considering everything, I’m not real happy to tell you that you’re probably in for a hard ride, Jenny. I found the lawyer’s files.”

Just minutes later, Jensen was frozen in place, hearing the things Chris had to say about Jeffrey Dean Morgan. 

“You’re kidding me? Please say you’re kidding me, Chris.”

“Jen, this is nothing to kid about. This is a fucking mess as it is.” Jensen started cursing and chanced a look into the flat, the only light from his bedroom seemed to be the one on his desk, but he couldn’t risk Jared hearing him, and so he went to check that he was still asleep. 

Normally, Jared hugging his pillow would have brought a smile to his face, but the news from Chris had killed any chance of that. “He asleep again?” Chris asked over the phone, and Jensen just shook his head. His friend was a mind reader, even over this kind of distance.

“How did you know?”

“It’s enough to know you. You care way too much for the people around you. You think I don’t know why you prevent people getting too close to you?” Jensen closed the door to the balcony behind him, and lit another cigarette, without dignifying Chris’ comment with an answer. “And you should finally stop smoking.” He ignored this last comment too.

“So, you’re telling me Morgan lived with another man in Portland for four years, and then this guy mysteriously died in a fire, after being seemingly mugged and raped…in their own house.”

“That basically covers it.”

“And he was never suspected of being involved.”

“Sure, they had him in the spotlight, but he wasn’t there Jen. He was on a plane to LA when it happened.” 

“And the fire? Couldn’t it have been timed? We know time of death is difficult to establish with fire.”

“I know. The only sure thing here is the fact the guy was already dead when the fire started. He had no smoke in his lungs. And the corpse was the place where the fire started. He was doused in gas, and set on fire with a lighter. So all this leads to direct arson to destroy any possible traces of murder.” 

“No other traces that could lead to a delayed arson?”

“Jen…what do you want to tell me?”

“I can only follow my gut here, but I think…I…”

“Jen… just tell me what your gut says.” Jensen’s gut was literally clenching at the things that chased through his head. 

“It’s something I’d deem Morgan capable of.” Seeing what he had done to Jared made anything possible in Jensen’s mind. He had broken his husband with such a mindless cruelty; he’d certainly have no problem killing someone. And he was unable to let go. Obsessed with control, maddeningly possessive, and perversely sadistic, wasn’t a good combination. 

“Um…you realise we’re moving into dangerous territory here?” 

“What if he put a in a lake of accelerant, and the lighter was just for distraction?” Jensen provided another solution. 

“Wax burns completely in that kind of heat.”

“And it takes time.” There was silence on the other end again. Jensen had time to sort through his thoughts. The more he did, the more he was scared for Jared’s safety. He’d been right once before with his suggestions and he knew that this was what had Chris worried. 

“Okay.” Chris was back. “Considering what we know about the lawyer from your case, I’m thinking about re-opening the investigation into this case. What if he really killed that guy? What if he set that fire? Jared’s life is in real danger, no matter how close you are. If Morgan manages to lay a hand on him, he’ll probably be dead within minutes.“

“Do what you can, Chris. I want you to do everything to get him off Jared’s track.”

“Would you consider coming back for this?” Jensen felt pressure in his chest. He knew what Chris was considering. They sometimes included freelancers with special skills or knowledge on their teams; people who were already working on cases which strictly fell inside FBI jurisdiction, but were too good to be just ignored. He had done a god job on Jared’s profile, and Chris obviously suspected he could be right about Morgan too. 

But he had left the halls of the FBI because he’d been made responsible for things that weren’t his fault. On the contrary, he’d predicted the fucking outcome, but hadn’t pressed his point. His boss had turned the tables on him when all the shit came down, and he’d been the failure in the end. He had sworn not to go back there. His discharge had been too ugly; the whole weight of the death of three people on his shoulders. 

And now Chris was asking him to come back for Jared’s protection. He knew there was just one answer. Jared meant too much to him already, and there still was that fucking feeling of responsibility. He could overcome his issues with the Bureau for Jared. 

“Yes.” The silence stretched endlessly. 

“You got it bad, don’t you?”

“Looks like it, Chris.”

“Okay…I will you put down as an informant. What about ‘profiler’ as your code name?”

“Ass.” That was what he’d wanted to be, his area of expertise. But Brown had shot all that to hell. 

“I thought so. I’ll reopen the earlier case quietly. Carefully laying my hands on anything I can get. I think there was some suspicion on Morgan, but he turned everything so it seemed he was a desperate victim too when he lost his partner. And they always suspected an immediate attack…no time delay.”

“DNA samples would be good, if they found DNA under that Boreanaz guy’s nails.”

“There should be some. It says they took some from Morgan and it matched that under the nails. But he had an excuse. He even had the scratches on his back to fit. Said they liked sex a little on the wild side.”

“The rape?”

“No sperm, just lube they traced to a condom…Probably Morgan with that ‘sex on the wild side’ before he left. The…uhm…”

“What Chris?”

“The rape was penetration with foreign objects.” Jensen didn’t want to hear more. 

“So possible homophobic attack?”

“It was declared one. There’s no proof, but the signs are there. They’d been flamed after buying that house. Morgan sued one of the homophobes for such an amount, no one dared to say something again, but… they clearly weren’t the most beloved neighbours. No one was angry that they were gone, even if some expressed their regret for Boreanaz’s death.”

“But no real traces were found?”

“No, that’s the thing that makes this case conspicuous. There are testimonies about problems in the relationship, but there is no proof, and Morgan had an alibi. He was the mourning lover for all he was worth. But with what we know now about Jared…”

“Chris, Jared will never testify to any of this, that much I’m sure about.”

“Probably…but you profiled this case. And Brown knows what your profiles are worth, since the Schneider case. I’ll just tell him I want to do some further investigations. And I will definitely leave you out of it.” 

“Okay.”

“And Jen; watch this boy of yours closely. If Morgan gets a chance to lay his hands on him, we don’t know how long he’ll stay alive, especially considering the things we just discussed.” That didn’t help Jensen in the slightest. “Be careful. The last thing I want is for you to get broken again, Jenny.” 

“I know.” 

“I’ve got to go now. I’ll talk to you as soon I have news. And tell the boy I’m sorry, okay. I’ve got a feelingaren’t talking very nice about me here.”

“Jay knows you’re my friend. And I’ve already told him you’d rip my head off.”

“Asshole.”

“Yeah, baby. Give Steve a kiss from me.”

“Definitely not. But I will say hi from you.”

“Okay. Bye Chris.” He heard the dial tone from the other end and shut his phone, dark thoughts whirling through his head. 

Hearing Morgan had a killed partner in the past had set all his alarms off. He’d been out of the business too long now, but the feeling unnerved him nevertheless. It was the same one he’d had when the FBI had pronounced the threats on the Schneider family cleared as a cruel joke by a co-worker of Mr. Schneider, and the real culprit had been still free; a nut case who’d been convinced the woman and the child belonged to him. 

He couldn’t risk Jared like that. He would never again ignore his instincts. If he made a fool of himself, that would be okay, but if people died because of him holding back again, that would be unbearable.

It was a long time before he went back to bed that night, and when he did so, he pulled Jared just that little bit closer, as if he could protect him that way. 

* * *

Jared leaned against the door frame, and watched Jensen practice with Weatherly again. He was early picking Jensen up and wore gym clothes, fully intending to have a little down time with him when he was finished. They’d developed a schedule somehow. Twice a week, when Jared picked Jensen up from the gym, they added a private session for Jared. He’d had to cut down on the course; he just didn’t have the time at the moment. 

He was still settling in into the job at St. Justin’s; doing lots of catching up on stuff, and getting to know his children. He knew from Erica he was doing well, but he’d always been dedicated at this kind of work, and wanted to do his best. 

The practice sessions between Weatherly and Jensen had grown more aggressive. They’d both been surprised the guy hadn’t cut Jensen off after realizing he and Jared really were a couple. Jared grinned at that. It was another thing that was developing very well. He knew he drove Jensen crazy, and he’d caught on the fact there was something on Jensen’s mind that was worrying him badly, but he’d decided to keep quiet about it; at least for now. 

Jensen was dedicated to their relationship, and did everything to make him comfortable; enough to even convince Tom and Mike. Jared was infinitely thankful for this. 

When the two men in the training room finally finished he wandered in slowly. Watching Jensen in practice still had an undeniable effect on him, but having Weatherly in the room cooled his temper effectively. He wouldn’t create a scene like the one that had put the man off the last time, even if it was just for Jensen’s sake. 

“Hey.”

“Hey Jay, I see you stuck to the plan.” Jensen winked.

Weatherly scowled. “See you next week, Jen,” he cut in. Jared threw him a venomous glare. The man was such an obnoxious asshole. 

“Yeah, see you.” Jensen dismissed him, and he left. Jared followed him out of the room with his eyes. 

“Does he really not realize that he doesn’t have a chance?” By now, Jared knew everything about Michael Weatherly. He was the editor at a news paper, single, wealthy, and convinced he could have everything he wanted. The girls from the reception had willingly told all they knew. It seemed he’d had an affair with Jean-Claude, the man who’d worked there as the self defence instructor before Jensen. 

“Possessive much?” Jensen teased, and pulled him in for a kiss.

“I’ll not give up on the best thing that ever happened to me.” He was presented with the smile he loved so much. 

“Don’t worry. You warmed up?” 

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then start moving, baby.” Jared grinned. He loved to practice with Jensen. By now, he had a feeling Jensen appreciated the grace of this fighting style as much he did. He still had no real chance against Jensen, but it didn’t matter. It was just for the fun of it and Jensen’s advice to use his wide reach a little more hadn’t been ignored. He knew it drove Jensen crazy when he made fun of the whole thing, and just caught and held him. It really was an advantage to be this tall, even if he knew Jensen always could escape him when he wanted to. 

They didn’t make much progress this evening. Jared just let off steam, and teased his lover to no end. Not even half an hour later Jensen was so frustrated, he cut their time short and herded him out of the gym.

They barely made it to the, by now, almost empty and dark parking lot. Jared felt himself manhandled into the car, expecting Jensen to follow suit and drive them home, but he was wrong. Jensen pressed him in the seat and positioned himself above him; a wicked smile on his face.

“What was that about, Jay? Are we feeling rowdy? You think you can make me all flustered, and come out of this one with no punishment?” 

Jared registered the word. He really did. He expected the usual reaction, the one JD had ingrained in his brain with vicious force, but it didn’t come. By now, he was sure Jensen wouldn’t hurt him, and it gave him new confidence. He knew, only too well, that he wasn’t alright yet, but he was a lot better; and strangely, what Jensen had just said gave him the weirdest ideas. It was playful, and he was almost sure he would like this ’punishment’.

He almost couldn’t move in the confines of the car, but his free leg moved around Jensen’s hips and pressed him closer. 

“So what would that be?” He felt Jensen’s hand creep down his sides and tensed. “NO.”

“Oh yes, baby.” Fingers tickled over the skin under his ribs.

“No, Jen…no, no…please no.” Jared started giggling and squirming, suddenly not very keen anymore to have Jensen close. How could he have provided Jensen with the fact he was ticklish in the first place? Wrong moves in the wrong places, Jared… it had been an accident that Jensen had discovered this particular disadvantage.

“You deserve it.” Jensen growled, and latched his lips against his throat, without stopping the tickling. Jared squirmed some more, getting breathless. 

“No…please, please, please…no…don’t be so mean…” He coughed between giggles, torn between the wish to escape, and the desire growing in his body due to the contrary sensations of Jensen’s lips on his skin, and his tickling fingers. 

“Will you take the lessons seriously in the future?”

“You know, I take you always seriously.” 

“No, you don’t.” Jensen tortured a particularly sensitive spot with his fingers, while sucking on the curve of Jared’s neck. He moved his head around to give Jensen more room; hands gripping Jensen’s shoulders now. 

“Oh, I do. Believe me, I do.” And with that, Jared’s fingers tangled in Jensen’s short hair, gripped it tightly, and lifted his head to gain access to his lips. “I do.” And with that, he fused their lips together, pressing his body into Jensen’s. 

It was still strange to feel so in control; to not have to screen his reactions, and move things in directions that gave him even more pleasure. Jensen melted into him from above, his tickling fingers changing to caressing on his skin. Jared felt drunk, and giddy, and just pushed some more. He forgot everything around him, honed in on Jensen, feeling his hard body and the straining erection against his. 

“I want you, Jen. I want you so much.” 

“Don’t think this is the right place…” Jensen just grumbled, but didn’t stop his ministrations. 

“Doesn’t matter…please…” Jensen’s hand just started to move in the direction Jared wanted it, when a car door slammed loudly, not too far away, and grounded them soundly back into reality, both paralysed. Moments later, the car drove away, but they were back to their senses now. Jensen threw Jared a dark look.

“What are you doing to me?” He asked sullenly. Jared just grinned. 

“How about I drive you home as fast as possible?” Jensen just stared at him.

 

Hours later, Jared lay next to Jensen in bed, wide awake, his lover snuggled close and sleeping soundly; looked like he’d really worn him out this time. Jared smiled at the thought. So much had changed in the last months. His whole attitude towards himself, his body, his mind, and his sexuality, had changed.

Jared had known running from JD could free him, but he also knew it had been meeting Jensen that had really freed him. Jensen’s gentle guiding had broken through his desperate helplessness with his own desires. His vulnerable disoriented passion had changed back to something he could embrace, once the fear of pain had subsided. He was able to utter his wishes, knowing Jensen respected them. He was even able to accept him seeing the marks JD had left on him. 

He knew Jensen worried about that, worried about the things that had been done to him. He would not tell him; not now and possibly not ever, but it gave him a warm feeling to know Jensen deeply resented what’d been done to him. The important thing was, Jensen didn’t resent him, he resented the person that had done these things to him. It took away some of the shame he felt when thinking about what he had JD let do. 

He had always known he wanted to be taken; he’d never been someone to take or dominate. He was a bottom to the core, but he’d thought this wish had died after the violence he’d experienced from JD. When he’d run, to save his sanity had been all that had mattered, and a new relationship, or sex, had been the last thing on his mind. 

Now it was at the forefront all over again. With Jensen everything seemed possible. Jensen was gentle and caring, making sure Jared was as satisfied as himself, and always gave him a choice. He loved that. He loved being respected and cared for, loved to have someone that he felt equal to, someone as beautiful, tender and generous as Jensen. 

Jared looked down at the beautiful sleeping face and carded his finger through short, soft hair. He was still sure there was something on Jensen’s mind that burdened him; a secret he didn’t want to reveal, but at this moment, he knew he could forgive Jensen anything. A soft smile graced his lips, and he pressed a kiss to Jensen’s forehead.

“I love you, Jen. No matter what. Just don’t hurt me, please. This is enough for me. I know you care, more than anyone ever before.” He whispered, and snuggled even closer. He was sure he could live with the secret Jensen hid from him. His trust was growing stronger day by day.

When he closed his eyes to sleep, all that was on his mind was his belief in a future, a future that Jensen had given him. 

* * *

JD was just about to fix himself a fucking microwave dinner when his cell started ringing. He hated these tasteless meals, but cooking had never been one of his strengths; another reason to resent Jared even more for leaving him. His husband had been a fantastic cook. With thoughts of revenge and rage on his mind, he went on search for the phone. 

The former tidiness was gone too, another of Jared’s duties he couldn’t keep up with on his own. He found the cell in the pocket of one of his suits. Thank God he had a service for his laundry. He would have run out of shirts by now.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jeff. Freddy here. How are you?” A surge of energy tingled through JD’s body. Finally. 

“I’m fine thanks.” He was anything but. He would just never admit otherwise. “You got what I want?” 

“Yeah. I found him. Don’t know what you want with him, but I got him. He still was a rookie when the Bureau discharged him. Had made some big mistake with a job, and cost us the lives of three people.”

“I knew he was an incompetent asshole. Do you have anything about his whereabouts?”

“No. He’s been out of the service six years now, but he still falls under our protection. Needed time to find his file, and I don’t know if the number is still in service, but there is no other available. You got something to write with?” JD scrabbled around for a piece of paper and a working pencil.

“Yes, yes I do.” He noted the cell phone number Freddy provided him with. “Did you check it?”

“You just wanted me to get a number. What’s your problem with the guy?”

“He was supposed to bring a client back. He’s a bounty hunter now. But he’s gone AWOL, and now we need to find him.” He knew he sounded plausible. He was lawyer and sometimes they needed to find their clients. 

“Good luck with this one.”

“I don’t think we’ll have any more problems. Thanks, Freddy.”

“My pleasure. You helped me out big time, and you know that.”

“Yeah, I do. Nevertheless thanks. When I come down sometime, we should go for a drink.”

“I hope you will.”

“Yeah, bye Freddy.” JD was impatient to finish the call. He needed to contact Beaver. Moments later, the FBI agent finally hung up, and JD dialled Jim Beaver’s number. If the bounty hunter was right, Ackles was with Jared. With the phone number, Beaver could find him, and then he’d get Jared back at long last. JD almost exploded with excitement at that thought.


	22. Looming shadows from the past

Jared looked from the cell phone up into Jensen’s serious face, and couldn’t help but feel a little thrown. Why did Jensen want him to have a cell? They had worked their way around problems contacting each other without this, until today that was. Why couldn’t it stay that way?

The problem was, Jared knew cell phones could be traced, and he didn’t want to be traced. That was the reason he hadn’t bought one in the first place, and now Jensen wanted to give him one. Jared could see his lover was nervous, and that made his suspicions even worse. 

“What’s this about, Jen?”

“Why?” 

“It worked without a cell till now, why do you want me to have one now?” His look was dark when he asked the question. He didn’t want to suggest dishonourable intent, but he didn’t like it nonetheless, and wanted an explanation. 

 

Jensen had wobbly knees. Knowing that Jared could have bought a cell anytime, yet hadn’t, just had told him he had a problem with cell phones. He even had an idea why, but Chris had suggested they should be able to trace Jared in the unlikely event that something went wrong, and Mike had agreed with the whole thing. Mike knew. By now, Jensen was in a state where he needed someone to talk to and, except for Chris, Mike was the only one available. Mike wasn’t happy about the developments, and thus had agreed on the cell phone idea.

“It’s for your safety. I know how anxious you are sometimes, and I want you to feel safe.” Jared’s contempt for the idea subsided a little, but it was still there. 

“As I said, it’s worked okay so far. Why shouldn’t it work now?”

“I just thought I’d do you a favour. What with your work and our crossing schedules. Remember the thing with Erica?” Erica had tried to reach Jared for an unscheduled stuff meeting. She hadn’t been able to, and he’d missed it. He saw that this excuse worked a little better then the last, but Jared went right back on track. 

“What the Hell? Why’re you worried about my safety?” 

There it was; the fucking question he’d feared the most. He was literally dumbstruck. “Jensen, why do I have a feeling the issues you’ve got are bleeding in here?” Jared sounded insecure and small, and Jensen wanted to bang his head against the wall.

“They aren’t.” he lied through his teeth.

“They do…and I don’t want to be controlled.” And with that, he turned and disappeared, for the first time in a long while, into his room, the door closing quietly behind him. Jensen rubbed his hands over his face. That went fucking well. He looked at the offending phone. He wasn’t surprised at Jared’s reaction after what he’d said. Jared related the phone with Jensen’s need to control him, and he knew he had to straighten this out.

Without any further hesitation he went over to the door. Thankfully, it wasn’t locked, and so he entered without knocking. Jared lay stretched out on his belly on the bed, face hidden in the pillow. Jensen sat down next to him, but without touching him.

“I don’t want to control you, Jay. It’s the last thing on my mind.” I just want to protect you, but I’m too scared to tell you the truth. 

“Could you just leave me alone?”

“Jay, please.” Jared looked at him, and the betrayal in his eyes hurt Jensen. It gave him a preview of what would happen when Jared one day got to know the truth. He would lose everything, and the thought frightened him. He just wanted to make this right, but Jared obviously didn’t want him to. 

“No, Jensen. I don’t want to talk about this. Right now, I’ve got serious trust issues and need some time to work this out. So could you please just let me be?” Jensen just looked at him for a moment. He felt like he’d been slapped in the face by Jared’s words, and just hoped it wasn’t too obvious. He got up abruptly.

“Okay. But you should probably know that I’m sorry you think so badly of me.” And with that, he turned and left the room, closing the door as quietly as Jared had done before. 

He went directly out to the balcony, and to the door next to theirs, knocking quietly. 

Mike opened it a moment later.

“Jenny, what is it?” 

“Can you look out for Jay for a while?” 

Mike’s face got dark. “What happened?”

“The fucking cell phone happened…Whatever! I need some air. Could you do me that favour?”

“Sure. I’ll look out for him. Where’re you going?” he heard Mike was worried too, but he couldn’t deal with this right now. He just needed space to come to terms with the fact that Jared’s trust could be lost so swiftly. 

“Out. Thanks Mike.” And with that, he turned and went back over, just to leave the apartment moments later.

 

Jared was still sat on his bed and staring at the door, when he heard Jensen leave through the front door. He was out of his room in an instant, following him out and down the stairs, but when he reached the main door of the building, all he could do was watch Jensen drive away in the Impala.

“Jen…” He was shocked. He was aware that he’d hurt Jensen, but he would have never expected the other man to leave. He’d just wanted some time to think it over, to rule out the thought Jensen possibly wanted to control him. 

Jared had no idea how long he stood there before he came out of his stupor and ran back upstairs, searching the apartment for the damn phone. It was gone too. All that was left was the land line. Then he realized he had to search for Jensen cell phone number, too. When he finally found it in his room he dialled, only to realize Jensen had obviously switched his phone off. His hands shook as he sat the receiver back in its’ cradle. His panic was building, and suddenly there was only one thought in his head. He left me…

The next thing he knew, he found himself in Jensen’s room, curled up on his bed and hugging his pillow, sobbing quietly. The knowledge that he’d hurt Jensen badly enough that he would leave was stark in his mind, chasing all other thoughts away. Why the hell had he made such a fuss about that phone? Why had he instantly believed Jensen wanted to check on him whenever he wanted? Jensen had never given him a reason to feel that he was trying to control him, but he was so scared someone could be able to follow his every move, he’d instinctively lashed out. Only the thought that JD would be able to somehow use this made him panic even more. But Jensen didn’t know about JD. He didn’t know about his fears that he’d be found by his husband, and now Jensen probably would leave him. 

Jared once more cursed the last three and a half years of his life. Just when he’d been feeling it was getting better, something else showed up that made him scared and anxious, and threatened to destroy what he valued so much. Sometimes, he had to ask himself just how much damage JD had done to him, but he didn’t want to think about that now. He didn’t want to think about the things from his past. 

So he switched his thoughts back to Jensen, and wanted nothing more than to be able to tell him he would take the damn phone, if he just wouldn’t leave. He cursed himself left and right for hurting the man who’d been so kind and patient with him; for making Jensen feel that he didn’t trust him. It was the last he wanted; knowing well his comment over the trust issues had more to do with himself than with Jensen. 

He had almost sobbed himself to sleep when something else flittered through his mind. Why had Jensen been so nervous about the cell phone? Why was he so keen on his safety? What was the secret he still held back? But these questions disappeared back into the depths of his mind, as soon as he fell into a restless sleep.

 

When Jensen came back in the early hours, he was surprised to find Jared in his room. It was the last thing he would have expected after earlier. He could see that Jared had been crying. He was fully clothed, curled up into a tight ball, and held the pillow like a lifeline. It hurt Jensen to see him like this again, but he couldn’t give in this time. 

He’d driven the whole night, almost down to Key West, and then back up here, music loud in the car, but nevertheless unable to stop his thoughts from spinning. Jensen had come to the conclusion that he had probably misunderstood Jared about the ‘trust issue’ comment, but it had, nonetheless, been a slap to the face. Jared had automatically expected that Jensen wanted to control him. He could understand his worries, sure, but he had never given any indication he’d do anything like that. He couldn’t deal with the looming shadow of Jeffrey Dean Morgan over his head anymore.

He wasn’t Morgan, and Jared had to realize he couldn’t make Jensen pay all the time for his husband’s faults, even if he couldn’t tell him that in such stark terms. He went back out into the living room, shed his clothes except the T-shirt and his boxers, and stretched out on the couch. He knew he was making a painful point, but he wouldn’t let Jared avoid the discussion with cuddling. Not this time. 

 

Jared started from his sleep sometime late morning, and felt shattered. It just got worse when he realized Jensen wasn’t back with him, and all that had happened came flooding back. Thank god it’s Saturday. He got up to try the phone again, just to see Jensen stretched out on the couch. It gave him an uncomfortable pang. He didn’t dare to wake him. 

Quietly, and with dark thoughts on his mind, he went over to the kitchen and started to make coffee. While he was in the middle of doing it, he heard Jensen get up. He said nothing, and drove Jared’s level of anxiety to new heights. Some minutes later, Jensen slipped onto his usual barstool, and sat the cell phone on the table, between their coffee mugs. 

Jared just stared at it a moment, before he reached out and took it. He shoved it in his jeans’ pocket, feeling guilty. He didn’t look at Jensen, and so he was startled when he heard him say, “Give it back.” 

Jared’s eyes flew up, and he saw himself confronted with a mask of icy calm. “But you wanted me to…”

“No Jay; I didn’t want you to do anything.” Jared recoiled from the volume of Jensen’s voice, instantly knowing he’d made another mistake. Hastily, he did what he was told, and gave the phone back. “AND THAT’S THE FUCKING PROBLEM HERE!” By now Jared was pressed against the fridge. 

“Jen, what…” He wanted to ask just what he’d done. He wanted to say he’d never do it again, but something told him that wasn’t what Jensen wanted to hear. The emphasis lay on ‘didn’t want’ in his accusation. Jensen didn’t want him to do something. Everything that came to Jared’s mind was doing what Jensen wanted, the one thing Jensen didn’t want. His confusion grew.

“I wanted to give you something to make you feel safer…you didn’t want it. Okay. You just got pissed. I wanted to talk to you about it, you wanted to be left alone. Okay. I left you alone…as you wanted me to. When I come back you’re asleep in my bed, then, this morning, you take something you didn’t want in the first place and I can see all over your face that you’ve had the shittiest night in a long time. Jay, it doesn’t work that way.” Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose. He had a headache, and almost no sleep. 

“I just want it to be alright again.” Jared whispered, lost. 

“I know, Jay…but not like this. I don’t know what went on in your past relationship. I can only guess, and I don’t like my conclusions. But I will not pay for things someone else did to you. You can’t just assume I want to control you because I give you a cell phone. And you can’t slap me in the face with trust issues that have nothing to do with me, and then leave me unable to straighten this out. You need to start to distinguish between the things that were and the things that are. I’m not the man who hurt you, Jay. I have my issues, I know that, and you’ve got yours. But I would never make you suffer for my issues, while you constantly do exactly that. Sometimes I have the feeling that I’ve run into a wall that doesn’t have anything to do with me. You have to realize that, and I’ve told you we can talk about anything. Otherwise, this has no future. Think about it, Jay… You know, I need to go to the gym. I’ll be back as usual.” 

Jared’s eyes followed Jensen to the bathroom. It wasn’t long until he came back out, and went to get his things from his room. Jared was rooted to the spot, clueless as to what to do. He wasn’t accustomed to this silent treatment from Jensen. When Jensen headed for the front door, he managed to croak, “Jensen…” Jensen looked at him. 

“I’ll be back, Jay. Just think about what I said. We’ll talk later, okay?”

“Okay.” And with that, Jensen left. Jared slipped down the fridge and started crying. 

 

Half an hour later, he stood in front of Mike and Tom’s balcony door, face blotchy, eyes red. He was lucky; his friends were at home. 

“Oh my God, Jay, what happened?” Tom literally hauled him into the apartment, and took him in his arms. That just made Jared cry again. Tom led him to the couch, pushing him down, and then held him in his arms again, throwing worried glances in Mike’s direction. Mike just stood in the doorway, and looked at them with an unreadable expression on his face. 

When Jared had finally calmed down enough, Tom carefully prodded him to talk. It was the first time Jared done that. Talk, that was. It wasn’t about the past, or his problems, it was about the fact he’d hurt Jensen, and he didn’t even understand what he’d done wrong in the first place. All he wanted was to make it right, but everything he’d tried had gone wrong. 

It should have been an indication, when the silence stretched after he was finished. Tom looked at Mike, and Mike looked right back at him. Jared started to feel even more devastated. He had the clear impression his friends knew what had gone wrong. To his absolute surprise, it was Mike who spoke first again.

“Why were you afraid that Jensen would leave you just because you said no to something, Jay?” The question left him stunned; the answer, to him, was crystal clear.

“I don’t want to loose him.” He protested.

“That wasn’t the question, Jay. I want to know why you were afraid he’d leave you if you disagreed with him about something? “

“I just want him to be happy.” Jared was confused. He was fixated now on Mike, and hadn’t even realized that Tom was watching him intently.

 

Mike rubbed his hand over his face. It still wasn’t an answer to the question, and he started to realize he wouldn’t get one. Jared was caught in a vicious circle. He changed tactics.

“What about your happiness?” he questioned further.

“I am happy…with Jensen.”

Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of. Mike sat down opposite Jared. He was still fixed on him. Mike chanced a brief glance to his lover. The deep worry on Tom’s face made him even more nervous. 

“Jay…Don’t you realize what you’re doing?” From the things Jared had said, Mike understood clearly what Jensen’s problem was at the moment. Jared had gotten defiant, that was okay. He’d lashed out, and Mike was even sure that had been okay for Jenny, but then he had turned 180° degrees, and done all he thought Jensen would want him to do. 

Jared stared out of the window now, deep in thought.

“I came off as clingy.” That was the understatement of the year and Mike’s reaction was accordingly cruel.

“No…you came off as completely submissive…and I think that’s the last thing Jensen wants from you.” Jared’s head whipped back around to him. The look on Tom’s face bordered on shocked, but what Mike saw in Jared’s eyes was worse. He looked caught, and he didn’t say anything. Mike knew he’d hit home. A moment later Jared bowed his head, and Tom found his voice again.

“Now…Mike, I think that’s a little bit harsh.” Mike glared at his boyfriend, and was about to answer, when Jared cut in.

“He’s right…” At that, they both just looked at him, shocked. 

 

Jared stared out of the window again. Realization had hit him like a freight train. ‘I didn’t want you to do anything’ Jensen had said. It had confused Jared completely then, but reliving the scene made clear what it meant. He’d been ready to fall on his knees, as long Jensen didn’t leave him. He’d grabbed the phone to take it, without wanting it. He’d slept in Jensen’s bed, and he knew he would have done more, as long he’d got what he wanted. He’d been ready to give up himself. 

Submission. 

Jared knew where it came from. For years, it’d been his only chance to survive. It hadn’t been about survival this time, he just didn’t want to lose the only good thing that had happened to him in a long time, but he’d degraded himself nonetheless. He could fully understand Jensen’s reaction now, and felt mortified. What will he think now about me? Is there any chance that he still respects me? Jared felt tears threat to flow again, but he bit them back.

Jensen had said they could talk about anything. And he knew he needed to talk about this. He didn’t want to lose Jensen’s respect, just as much as he didn’t want to lose him. It had been a horrible relapse back to his worst behaviour, but he still had hopes he could make it right.

“Can I borrow your car, Mike?” Jared turned to look at his friends. They had been quiet, and had just watched him. 

“You don’t want to go to the gym, do you?” Mike was suspicious, and Jared saw Tom knock him in the ribs. He smiled flatly.

“No, I need to do some shopping, and would prefer to do it fast.” 

“Okay…then you can have it. But I warn you…”

“Yeah, yeah…no scratches, no dents.” Jared had heard the speech often enough when it was meant for Tom. Mike went to get the keys, Tom just looked at him. 

“Jay, you’re really okay? I know Jen can come off…”

“It wasn’t his fault, Tom. It was mine.” He wouldn’t Tom let go on about Jensen. Jensen had been completely right to react as he had. It was no basis for a relationship if Jared did everything Jensen wanted, just to make Jen stay. 

“You know you can talk about anything with me?”

“Yeah, I do, but this is between Jen and me.” …and my fucking past. IF there was any person in this world he would ever talk to, then it would be Jensen. Jared suddenly realized he had enough secrets himself. Jensen didn’t even know his real name, let alone the fact he was married. Who am I to ask for your secrets, Jen? He blushed crimson, seemingly for no reason. 

“Jay…what is it?” Tom was worried again. 

“Nothing.” Jared was thankful when Mike reappeared, and threw the keys to his car in Jared’s direction. He said a hasty ‘thanks for everything’ and left, visibly agitated. Mike’s ‘What was that about?’ was the last thing he heard, as he almost ran from the apartment.

~

Jensen was late getting home that evening, but that was the last thing Jared was worried about. He mused about the things Mike had said, along with the fact that the price for use of the car was Jared cooking dinner. Jared hadn’t expected anything else, and had been planning on it, but another time. He’d wanted to wait for Jensen, so they could talk, before their own dinner, the one that Jared was planning. 

They had talked about everything and nothing at first. Tom had been a little pissed at Mike when he’d said he had to go to work, because he felt, for some unknown reason, left out by his lover. Jared just admired the fact Mike was so composed about this. He had even given away why; they loved each other and, when there was a quarrel, they’d work it out, given time. 

But then Mike, before he’d left, had come back to Jensen, to his intentions, his faults, and his shortcomings. Jared had always known Jensen’s intentions were good and honest, and he’d told Mike so. What had him surprised was Mike asking him to never forget that, and now he was sat on a barstool staring off into space, waiting for Jensen, and couldn’t let go of Mike’s strange request.

Jensen’s intentions, his issues and secrets, and his fear for Jared’s safety; Jared was sure there was a connection, and now he had a feeling Mike knew the secret. It drove him crazy, and he’d almost asked the other man. Then he’d stopped short, and started thinking about his own secrets. He wasn’t ready to tell, so how could he expect Jensen to do so? Mike and Tom had been gone a while now, and Jared was alone with his thoughts, but he was no further along. 

He was ripped from his musings when he heard the front door. Jensen appeared in the living room, and looked worn out. Worry appeared instantly in Jared’s thoughts.

“Hey, Jen…you okay?” Jensen nodded, and pinched the bridge of his nose under the rim of his glasses. He’d apparently taken his contacts out earlier in the day. 

“I’m just tired.” That wasn’t so good, but Jared fully understood. He hadn’t slept a lot last night either. 

“Dinner’ll be ready any minute.” Everything was prepared. Jared put the steaks in the pan, and did the same with the potatoes. He heard Jensen slide onto one of the barstools, and felt Jensen’s eyes on his back as he served the salad. 

“What are you trying to do, Jay?” Jared stopped what he was doing, but didn’t look around. 

“Saying sorry.” 

“Jay…”

“No, Jen, don’t get me wrong this time. This isn’t about doing what you want; this is about me saying I’m sorry for my stupid behaviour. I don’t want this stupid phone, and I won’t take it. But I think…we should talk; just not when you’re dead tired after a day of work, and a night without sleep because of me. So, this is just dinner, and I’m sorry.” he carried on with his cooking, and didn’t look at Jensen, so he was surprised when he felt Jensen behind him, his arms sliding around his waist. 

“Apology accepted…How long till dinner?” he felt Jensen slump against his back, and couldn’t suppress a small smile. 

“A few more minutes. Won’t you sit down?”

“I’m perfectly fine where I am.” Jared was oddly reminded of when Jensen had been hung-over. He really must be tired. Jared tried to move as little as possible, and felt pleasantly reassured that he wasn’t just a stupid idiot to Jensen. 

 

After dinner, it seemed Jensen had recovered somewhat because he didn’t fall into bed instantly. He slumped on the couch, and waved Jared over, distracting him from cleaning up. 

“We’ll do it in the morning.” Jared threw him a dark look. That was something he didn’t like, but he did as expected. Jensen stretched out with his head in Jared’s lap, his face pressing against his belly. Automatically, Jared’s fingers started carding through his short, soft hair and watched how he relaxed more and more, but Jensen still didn’t fall asleep.

“Did you understand what I meant?” Jensen asked. Jared felt heat in his cheeks. He had already accepted they wouldn’t talk today, and now Jensen had changed his mind. 

“Yeah…” 

“I have no idea what happened in your past, Jay, not really. I can guess it was bad, but that’s all. I even understand that you’ve got a lot of insecurities, and I have the impression there are things you find difficult to let go, ingrained patterns you follow in certain situations. You need to understand that sometimes I can’t tell if you’re operating under your own free will, or following one of these patterns. I try my best, but sometimes I’m wrong. I know I misunderstood your comment about trust issues yesterday. But what happened next…is something I want never to see again. That’s not you Jay.” Jared lowered his head. He knew he couldn’t escape Jensen’s look, but he still tried. 

“What if it is?”

“No, it isn’t. I’ve seen enough of you to know. You were scared. I don’t want you to be scared of me.”

“I’m…” He wanted to deny it, but he couldn’t, because he hadn’t been scared of Jensen, but he had been scared to of losing Jensen. To him, there was no big difference here. 

“I WILL not go away just because of a little argument, Jay. I love you.” 

“I know…that’s why I’m so sorry.” Jared whispered. He felt Jensen’s hand on his cheek, and a sad smile played around his lips. “I’ll try to leave the past, where it belongs…in the past.”

“You know you can always talk to me.”

“I do.” He wouldn’t; not today, and probably not tomorrow too; to be exact, most likely never. He struggled to stretch out on the couch too, and pulled Jensen close to him. 

“You know, if I fall asleep, you won’t be able to wake me up again.” Jensen warned. Jared just smiled down at him.

“I can handle you.” And he was sure he could. He felt Jensen’s face press close to his chest, heard him grumbling something unintelligible, but didn’t care. They were all right, and that was the most important thing. He stayed awake a long time, while Jensen snored quietly into his chest.


	23. Doom

Jared watched Jensen waking slowly. It was close to noon, and he’d been up for hours; cleaning up the kitchen, putting laundry in the washer, and tidying up, to make the time go by more quickly. Then he’d even settled to read a book he’d borrowed from the library at school, but his patience wore thin. So he had slipped back under the covers next to Jensen, clad only in his boxers. He had his mind set on something, and wanted Jensen to wake up. 

It hadn’t been a big problem for Jared to carry the other man, bride-style, into the bedroom. He’d gained a lot of strength in the gym, not only through the self defence classes with Jensen. He’d used the weight room too, now and then. Jensen wasn’t a small guy by any means, but Jared had some inches on him and, with his renewed strength, he’d managed to carry him. It had been a strange experience, knowing he could manhandle another man that easily. Jensen had slept on the whole time. He’d obviously been dead tired, and sleeping on the couch had been a bad idea in the first place. 

But now he seemed to be waking up, and Jared was determined to carry out his plan. He wanted Jensen, more then anything else before, and he felt ready. 

Jensen still was fully clothed in a t-shirt and sweat pants. Jared hadn’t dared to take them off, but he wasn’t scared to slide his fingers under the hem of the shirt. He was always mesmerized by the feel of Jensen’s skin under his fingers and, by now, he knew how to touch him to gain the proper reactions. His hand slid higher and found one of Jensen’s nipples. The little nub hardened under his ministrations, and Jensen moaned quietly, turning his head to Jared.

“What’re you up to, baby?” he murmured sleepily. His hand found Jared’s neck, and he pulled him closer, pressing a kiss in his hair. 

“You’ll see.”

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

“You need to hurry, because I’ve been waiting for hours.” Jensen opened one eye and squinted at the alarm clock on his nightstand. He groaned. 

“You should have woken me.”

Jared grinned. “You needed your beauty sleep.” That earned him a slap on his ass, and he grinned even wider. Jensen was rumpled, had pillow creases on his cheek, and his stubble was more obvious than usual. 

“Let me up.”

“What if I don’t want to?” A hand slipped down his ribs, and Jared shrank back, an undignified squeal on his lips. He’d probably curse the day that Jensen had found his most ticklish spot for the rest of his life. Jensen was up, and out of his reach within moments, a wide grin on his face. Jared fell back on the pillow when Jensen left the bedroom; the covers low around his waist. He still wasn’t comfortable with his scars, but Jensen’s simple acceptance of them had helped to make it easier, at least around him. He knew what he looked like. He knew it from the looks Jensen had thrown him in the last weeks, matching the looks he’d thrown Jensen. It was a good feeling to see the effect he had on the other man. 

It didn’t take Jensen more than a minute to get back, and he literally jumped on the bed. Jared didn’t bother to get out of the way. Jensen landed exactly where he wanted him; on top.

“How the hell did I end up in the bed?” He asked Jared. Jared’s only answer was a smug grin, as he slung his arms around Jensen’s back and ground his hips upwards. Jensen countered the movement eagerly. “What’s wrong with you today?” he groaned, when their erections met. 

“It’s Sunday, we’re even, and I’m hell bent on getting some attention.” Jensen chuckled at that, but he didn’t say anything. He pressed his lips against Jared’s and kissed him hungrily. “Hmmmm….exactly the attention I craved.” Jared whispered when they parted for breath. His hands started to explore. He couldn’t get enough of Jensen, no matter how well he knew his body by now. Impatient, he tugged at the hem of his t-shirt. “You’re overdressed…”

Jensen didn’t budge; his lips tightly fused to the skin under Jared’s jaw. Jared’s fingers dug in his back, where he found a particular sensitive spot. “Jen…”

“What, Jay? What do you want?”

“You…naked…now.” They’d played that game again and again. Jared was accustomed to expressing his wishes by now. He heard a throaty chuckle from Jensen, as he straightened up and removed his t-shirt. The pants followed quickly, as did the boxer’s. Jared just stared at the beauty that was Jensen Ross; his lover. He reared up and caught Jensen’s lip in a bruising kiss. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he moaned, dragging his lips and teeth down his shoulder, making Jensen moan in pleasure. He pressed him tightly against his crotch, and already felt like he could explode. “Jen.” He palmed Jensen’s ass and shifted him even closer, lifting the other man almost easily.

“You carried me, didn’t you?” Jensen whispered, totally out of context, but Jared caught on fast enough, and grinned against his skin. “God damn, Jay…you’re such a gentle giant. I can’t believe it.” Jensen pushed him down in the pillow again, following him down. “I think you’re the one overdressed now.”

Jensen moved downwards, his lips catching one of Jared’s nipples, teasing it gently to hardness, before switching to the other. “So beautiful…so gentle…love you so much…” he murmured, sliding lower to Jared’s crotch, nuzzling his erection before pulling his boxer’s off. Jared threw his head back, keening quietly. He still couldn’t really let go, still tried to hold back his excitement, but Jensen didn’t let him have a chance as usual, taking him between his lips. Jared tensed up even more, his hands twisting in the sheets. He could feel his orgasm building.

“Jen…Jen I…Jen stop…I want…” He needed to hold back. He wanted something else. Jared bit his lip hard enough to draw blood.

“What Jay…what do you want?”

“You…you inside of me…if possible, right now.” He coughed, breathing heavily. He felt Jensen stop completely, and couldn’t help but whine. “Jeeeen…please…I…”

Jensen stared up at Jared, abruptly in control of all his senses again. Jared had caught him by surprise. It was the last thing he’d expected. He didn’t think they were ready for this, but obviously Jared didn’t agree with him. He tried to pull back a little.

“Jay…”

“No, Jen, please…don’t start an argument.” Jared gripped his hair and tugged him upwards, searching for his lips, his need desperate and obvious. “…please…” he moaned, before kissing Jensen hard enough to bruise. “I want you so much…I know what I’m doing. Please, Jen…”

“Shhh…calm down, Jay.” Jensen felt Jared strain against his own control again. He didn’t want to follow through, losing his last grip on honour. It felt like an even bigger lie. 

“I trust you, Jen…” 

“I know…but I don’t think I deserve this…” Oh my god, what am I doing? Jared’s grip on his hair tightened. He forced Jensen to look up.

“Do you love me? Can you really, honestly, tell me that you love me?” Jared’s tone was intense and forceful. Jensen suspected he sensed the big secret, but his question didn’t help, because he knew the answer to the question was ‘yes’. Hell…I’m in hell, but he couldn’t say no. He couldn’t lie about this. There was just one answer.

“Yes.” There wasn’t much he could say with such honesty. The smile on Jared’s face grew incredibly wide.

“What are you waiting for then? I want you, Jen…now.” Jensen stared a moment longer, and his heart broke, but he did what Jared wanted him to do, but on his terms. When Jensen finally deemed him ready, Jared was a sobbing mess of pleasure. When he pushed in, Jared tensed like a bow string, Jensen hitting his sweet spot on the first try. Everything else was a blur of desperate and intense emotions. Neither of them needed long. Jared whined quietly in his throat when he came, Jensen was silent.

Afterwards, he collapsed on Jared, and felt his arms circling his shoulders feebly, lips caressing his earlobe sloppily. He fell asleep, equally broken and ridiculously happy, held tightly by Jared, snuggling into him desperately.

* * *

JD was plagued by a vicious rage. He tried for a second day to get the damn bounty hunter on the phone, and it hadn’t worked. He knew it was the weekend. Beaver wasn’t in his office, sure, but damn, they’d had a private agreement. All this was unofficial. Beaver had wanted it that way, and JD was positive about that too. But in his opinion, that meant the damn man had to take his calls at the weekend, too. 

It seemed he had to make his point of view clear. The things he’d found about Jim Beaver were enough to get his license revoked, maybe even cause him real trouble. It didn’t look so good if you had another ma hunt on your books, one where the straying son of a CEO had gotten really badly beaten up, badly enough that the CEO wouldn’t pay, and had threatened to bring charges. It’d been some years ago, true, thirteen to be exact, but it was fact. It’d surprised JD that Beaver had been careless enough to leave such matters to be easily found, no matter how long ago it’d been. 

JD swayed the amber liquid in his tumbler, and stared at the TV. There was nothing of interest to him on. He wanted Beaver on the phone, wanted to know if they’d be able to find this Ackles guy with the phone number he’d gotten from Freddy. His drinking habits had evened out a little. He knew he had to get a grip on himself, at least, if he didn’t want to risk his career. One of his partners had already asked if there were private problems.

Private problems, my ass. I need my fucking husband back. Thankfully, he’d kept Jared very private. No one had realised yet that he was missing. JD would change that, as soon as he got hold of Beaver.

It was late that same evening, and JD was just back from another ride through the streets and a hooker that had at least satisfied some of his desperate needs, when Beaver finally called back; something JD never would have expected. He’d been prepared to show up at the office again.

“Evening, Morgan. You tried to call me.”

“That’s the understatement of the year.” JD’s rage was back. 

“Sorry, had some private things to do.” He sounded anything else but sorry. “Phone had no reception. What’s the matter?”

“I’ve got the only phone number available for Ackles, and I damn well hope you can find him with it. You got something to write with?” There was some shuffling to be heard. A moment later, Beaver was on the phone again. 

“Yeah…okay.” JD dictated the number he had, and he hoped with all his heart it would work this time. He needed Jared back, but what Beaver told him next pissed him off already again.

“I can’t do anything about it until tomorrow in the office.”

“What the hell?”

“I need to log in on the office’s system. I’ve got no way to do this from home.” The rage reared its’ ugly head, and JD couldn’t stop himself.

“I’ve gotta to warn you Beaver. In your place, I wouldn’t try anything stupid. It may be the Yavner case is a little in the past, but it wouldn’t look good for you if someone got wind of it.” There was silence on the other end of the line. “Did you understand me, Beaver?”

“I’ll call you as soon I’ve got something.” After that statement, the line went dead. JD was satisfied. He’d made his point, and soon he’d have Jared back. With a cold smile, he fetched himself another drink, and leant back in his armchair Soon…soon you will realize there is no way to escape me, hon. And believe me, you will pay a high price for your defiance…

 

Jim stared at the dark computer screen in his office. All his fears had come true. Morgan had tried to blackmail him, and he knew the lawyer was had one over on him right then. He had to deliver, just to give himself the time to run. He booted the system, and almost hoped the phone number Morgan had for JR wasn’t in service anymore. 

He’d done his own investigations in the last few weeks. It’d been impossible to find something on Morgan’s business. His working life was clean, but, he’d found something else. Following the lawyer had brought him, more than once, to some very shady places in Vancouver. Obviously Morgan was in strong need of sex, very violent sex. He had an ugly reputation in the trade. Jim had talked to some of the guys he’d had at his mercy. They had all come out bruised and beaten, some of them even traumatized by strangulation. By now Jim was certain about why JR had backed out from the job. He didn’t want to know what condition Morgan’s husband had been in when he’d run away. 

It didn’t matter to Jim anymore if Morgan found his husband. The only priority left was coming out of this unscathed. He knew he had to deliver JR to accomplish this goal, and he was way too angry at his former hunter to warn him. The asshole deserved what was coming to him. He was responsible for the mess Jim was in. 

Without hesitation, he booted the computer. As long Morgan was on JR’s heels, Jim was safe. It didn’t take him long to realize JR really had the number in service. Your own fault, asshole. Felt safe, didn’t you? You’ll go down with me. That much I can promise. The idiot was still in Florida, down in Key Largo by now. Jim had a strong feeling JR really was involved with Morgan’s husband by now. Greedy little asshole, aren’t you? Should have left your cock in your pants, and just brought him back. He’d look again in the morning, just to be sure, but by now JR certainly wouldn’t expect someone to be following him still. It’d been more than four months since the husband had run. Jim had to ask himself how many hookers the lawyer had roughed up during that time. He just could be thankful for that, it’d taken the heat off him a little. 

And Morgan really shouldn’t think he’d come out unscathed from this. Jim took a folder out of one of his desk drawers. He had enough on the lawyer to at least destroy his clean reputation here in Vancouver. He went to make copies of everything he had. In the morning, just one envelope, with all of the information, would be sent anonymously to the police, while the other would land, equally anonymously, in the mail for the Vancouver Sun. 

Morgan was done for, and he would be gone by then, with all the money. He just had to yet deliver JR, and then he would leave.

* * *

“Hey. It’s me…you got news for me?” Jensen was once more smoking out on the balcony, and had decided to call Chris. Jared was sleeping. His sleep routine had been screwed after a Sunday in bed. He’d been dead tired all evening. Still, Jensen had had to smile when he’d stubbornly tried to stay awake. He’d taken the book away from under Jared’s cheek when he’d finally succumbed. 

“Hey Jenny. Not really. Sterling is on my heels. He’s really interested in the Morgan case, and wants to know who my informant is.” Chris laughed quietly at this. “He called in the obligatory exchange with the Canadians today. He wants to know what happened to Morgan’s missing husband.”

“They don’t even know Jared is missing.” 

“Yeah…but after the murder in Portland, they’ll probably ask questions. How’s he doing?”

“Better. He still has a lot of issues, but we’re taking it day by day.”

“How are you doing?” There was a long silence until Jensen answered. Since yesterday, he’d had something on his mind he wanted out of the way, no matter what the consequences were. He needed to come clean.

“I need to come clean, Chris.” Chris’ answer came instantly.

“Not now, Jenny. You can’t.” Jensen stayed silent. “Jen, we need to get the lawyer off his back before you can tell him. You don’t know what he’ll do. If he runs, he’s in even more danger.” It hurt Jensen to hear Chris say those words. It had been his reason for staying quiet from the beginning, and now it’d become even more of a reason. Everybody expected Jared to run away from him , if he found out the truth. It broke his already shattered heart even more, but he knew Chris was right. 

“Okay…but I don’t know how long I can take this anymore.” Chris didn’t need to say anything. It was what Jensen had known from the beginning. You knew what you were doing. Stop whining. It’s for Jared’s safety. 

“We’ll get the lawyer busy, Jen. And then he’ll be safe.”

“I hope so.” Jensen took a last drag from his cigarette. “You call me when there’s something new, okay?”

“I will…go back to your lover boy, asshole. And try to make it right. I don’t want to see broken-Jenny again.”

“Thanks, asshole.”

“Yeah…I love you too, baby. Night, Jen.”

“Night.” Jensen disposed of the cigarette, and went inside again. He looked at Jared’s sleeping form for what seemed like an eternity, before he slid under the covers too; pulling his lover close, and pressing a kiss to his temple. Jared smiled in his sleep. It just made Jensen sadder. “I just hope you can forgive me in the end. Please forgive me, Jared. I can’t stand the thought of losing you. I love you so much, it hurts.” 

* * *

Jared was busy. He had to prepare dinner, and he had to clean up. He wanted a nice evening with his lover and his friends. The game was on tonight, and they’d all planned to watch it together. Since the weekend, he’d been in a fantastic mood. 

Oh, he’d remembered, all too well, what Jensen had said during sex. He seemed to think he didn’t deserve Jared’s trust. Jared was certain that they were fast approaching the point where Jensen would break, and tell him the damn secret, the one that was, once again, preying on his mind. He knew he’d have to reciprocate then. Since Sunday, he’d been working on his own explanations, on the truth about himself; his name, his marital state, his wish to be free of JD. He was sure Jensen would understand, and Jared prayed he could help him to escape from his husband. 

There was nothing in Jensen’s past that could convince him that Jensen was a bad person. He’d even come so as far to think that the damn secret couldn’t be so terrible. There was nothing he couldn’t overcome, not after all that connected them. 

He watched Jensen coming from the bathroom, and couldn’t help but to check him out once more. He just wore a towel around his slim hips. 

“Stop staring at me, Jay.” Jensen groused without looking at him. Jared just grinned. 

“Why…does it do wicked things to you?” Jensen blushed, and didn’t answer. He disappeared into the bedroom; their bedroom. “You didn’t forget you still have to go and get that oil for me?” They’d forgotten the olive oil for the salad on their last shopping trip, and Jared needed it for dinner. He’d tried to ask Tom, but his neighbours were hopeless at remembering things. 

“NO…I didn’t forget.” Jensen came back fully clothed again. He strolled over to the kitchen, and pressed a kiss to Jared’s lips. “Anything else you need?”

“Except you? No. Get going. I want you back. We’ve just got two hours left until Mike and Tom show up.” 

“You should start charging them for always eating here.”

“Oh…don’t worry. Mike already cut the rent for his private dinner service.” Jensen looked surprised.

“He did?” Jared just grinned broadly. He’d been surprised when Mike had lowered the rent by a hundred bucks. 

“Fucker…Okay…I’ll be right back, Jay. Love you.” He tried to steal another kiss, but Jared evaded him. 

“Get going, man. Time flies.” 

Okay, okay.” He could Jensen hear laughing when he left the apartment. 

Just a minute later he realized he HAD forgotten something else. How the Hell can this happen? How stupid am I sometimes? I damn need chilli for a chilli. Jared literally ran into the hall to follow Jensen, in the hope of catching him in time. He ripped open the door without a second thought, just to be greeted with the sight of his husband; Jeffrey Dean Morgan.


	24. The end of everything

For a moment Jared was paralysed, but when he saw a malicious smile spread over JD’s face he tried to throw the door closed again. He was too late, however, JD had his foot in the door, and pushed back hard enough to hurl him backwards in the hallway. 

Jared took a deep breath. He couldn’t let his husband overpower him. Not now. For a moment he was tempted to try to escape into the living room; he wanted nothing more than to barricade the door but, once again, he was too slow. Absurdly, he remembered Jensen telling him that he needed to become faster for just such a moment. It was another distraction, and JD advanced on him. 

“Did you miss me, honey? I certainly missed you.” Jared was cornered, and went into a fighting stance like Jensen had taught him. He wouldn’t let JD take him down so easily. The eyes of his husband became vicious thin slits. “What is it with this behaviour, honey? You belong to me, and no one else. I didn’t think you could forget that.” 

“I belong only to myself…and certainly not to you.” Jared tried to take deep calming breaths. The last thing he needed was a panic attack. JD didn’t move. He seemed visibly surprised by Jared’s defiance.

“Ohhh…baby…I think you’re wrong there. You’re my husband.”

“That’s the last thing I consider myself. I’m not coming back with you.” Jen, where are you? Please come home, Jen. I need you here. The longer he could hold JD at bay, the better his chances were that Jensen would get back in time. 

“I don’t think that’s a decision for you to make. You WILL come back with me. You belong to me, and I’ll teach you never to think otherwise again.” He advanced once more, and Jared threw in the first defensive move, but he made the mistake of stepping back and hit the wall. Once again distracted, JD reached him and grabbed him by his arm, pulling brutally. Jared lost his footing, and stumbled forward, directly into JD’s hands. He felt a vicious hand grab on his hair and press him down. He could do nothing but follow. “Are you ready to be obedient now? Or do I need to show you who you belong to again?” He didn’t wait for an answer, rather he slapped him hard in the face, without letting his hair go. Jared coughed in pain, but he wasn’t defeated yet, even when he tasted blood. 

Without hesitation, he rammed his fist into JD’s knee and shattered his dominant stance. JD let him go, and Jared went down to the ground, struggling to get away. For a moment, he seemed to succeed, but then JD regained his composure, and his foot made contact with Jared’s side. Groaning, he crumbled again, fighting for breath. 

That was all it took. JD grabbed a fistful of his hair again, and dragged him out of the hallway, and into the living room.

“Have you had enough now? Or should I teach you your next lesson in obedience, right now?” Jared didn’t struggle this time. He was still having a problem breathing from the kick to his ribs. He was just praying for Jensen to come back, right now. 

 

JD stared down at his wayward husband. His hair was little shorter than in the past, and he’d definitely gained weight; from the look of it, it came from muscles. What has that asshole done to you, my pretty, pretty boy? We’ll get rid of this as soon we’re home again. JD didn’t want to have a man. He wanted his boy back, the boy he could treat as he wanted. Almost involuntary, he hit Jared in the face again. He was thoroughly pissed at what Jared had done, rage boiling just under the surface for days now. 

He’d seen them. JD had been in Key Largo since yesterday. He’d witnessed how the fucking ex agent had flirted and bantered with his property; how he’d touched and kissed Jared. He didn’t even want to know what they had done at night. That thought alone drove him up the wall. He hadn’t needed long to decide that Ackles had to pay, and was prepared to make him.

He brought Jared up far enough to look him in the eyes. 

“Did your lover boy tell you he’s the reason that I’m here?” He saw shock in Jared’s eyes; shock and disbelief. JD just grinned at this. “You don’t believe me? Have I ever lied to you?” There it was again, the defiance, and a second later Jared spat in his face. 

His rage boiled over. From one moment to the next, JD lost all control. All his bottled up anger and frustration broke free.

“DAMN WHORE! BEHAVE YOURSELF…or you’ll pay even worse than you’re already in for.” He threw punches without aim; beat him in the ribs, and the stomach, before hitting his face again. Then brutal fingers dug into his neck and drew blood. That brought a delicious whimper from his victim. JD clamped his fingers on one of his nipples viciously, and he started wailing in pain, music to JD’s ears. But this was all about control. “BE QUIET.” It started working again. The boy bit his lips bloody, but he was quiet now. He obviously had his errant husband back under his control. 

The smile on JD’s face was malicious again. He deliberately wiped the spit from his face with his free hand, bringing Jared’s face close. “And now…we’ll prepare for your lover. Don’t think he’ll escape without paying. And you’ll get to witness his downfall. You’ll never forget again what it means to defy me.” Another blow to the head made his pretty boy visibly dizzy. JD brought out the handcuffs he had in his pocket, and fastened the first around Jared’s left wrist. He then dragged him over to the heater, brought his hands behind his back, and chained him to the heater’s wall mounts. “You’ll have a perfect view from here.” Jared looked up, fear in his eyes. He seemed to realize what was about to happen.

“Let him be.” His voice was rough and pained, so beautiful, but JD couldn’t have it at the moment, and shoved a gag between his lips next, fastening it behind his head. The boy was so dazed that he let it happen without any resistance. JD was satisfied.

“No.” He said, with as much cruelty and finality as possible, and saw that Jared understood him perfectly. He went back out into the hall again, where he’d left the small bag containing the things he needed to finish this fucking charade. He would make sure that Ackles never again had a chance to lay his hands on his property, and Jared would realize without any doubt who he belonged to.

He brought the bag back into the living room and took out a thin, but very durable rope, making a show of winding it around his hands, his intentions obvious. The smile he gave Jared was even more malevolent than before.

Jared started shaking. Panic came over him in waves. He knew what JD had planned for Jensen, his mind was shockingly clear about that. Jensen would, in all probability, make a bee line for Jared the moment he realized what was happening. If he showed his back to JD, he’d probably stand no chance defending himself. 

He started rattling the heater he was chained to, making as much noise as possible. Mike and Tom should be at home. They had to hear him. They had to come to his rescue, to Jen’s rescue. He saw JD bring out a gun and watched him aim it at him. 

“Stop it. NOW!” It didn’t matter to Jared. He wouldn’t stop. He had to make sure Jensen didn’t walk into this trap. He saw JD coming over again, but he couldn’t stop. JD grabbed his kneeling form with both hands, and pulled him forwards. The strain on his shoulders became unbearable. His husband shoved the footrest from the furniture between him and the heater, and efficiently took away any chance he had of moving to move, causing the pain in his shoulders to increase to unbearable levels. 

Jared wanted to scream, but nothing more than a desperate groan made it through the gag. He wanted to fight, wanted to escape the pain, but he still tried to shift the stool that was partially lying across his calves. He had no chance. JD was back in his position, half hidden behind the door. The sound of the front door lock turning stopped everything; his breathing, his hearing, his heart.

All he could do was to watch in slow motion, as Jensen came through the living room door. It didn’t matter that he didn’t fall for the trap. He was still too shocked to deflect JD. The rope noose slid over his head.

Jared saw how Jensen brought his fingers between it and his skin, but there wasn’t much hope that it would help. He’d tried that before, when he’d still had the illusion that he could deflect JD’s brutality. He saw Jensen’s fingers get caught in the rope as JD tightened it.

“Got you, asshole.” JD’s laugh was maniacal. He shoved Jensen forward for Jared to see. “Didn’t I tell you that he had no chance? It doesn’t even matter that he was a former FBI agent.”

Jared needed a moment to catch up on what JD had said. There it was, for a second time. His husband seemed to know about Jensen. How can he know that? What does he know about Jen? A knee hit Jensen in his side, and made him groan. “Take that, asshole. No one lays his hands on my property. Jared belongs to me. I don’t share…and you’ve betrayed me even more, not bringing him back like you should’ve.” JD was talking to Jensen, but Jared caught on slowly too. 

Jen had been sent here to bring him back?

His eyes met Jensen’s, incredulous. He saw desperation there, infinite pain and desperation. There it was; the secret. Jensen had come to bring him back to JD. JD had sent him. He felt the panic advance on him, panic and something else that was even more hurtful; betrayal.

“I never would have done that.” Jensen tried so hard to get the words out to Jared; and he eventually succeeded. He croaked it out between clenched teeth and frantic tries to somehow get free, but with his hands still trapped in the rope, it seemed impossible.

And it got worse. 

“YOU shut up, asshole.” JD pulled the rope a little tighter, and Jared saw Jensen press his eyes closed in obvious pain. He started kicking out at JD, but it was fruitless. “And…not so cocky anymore, are we? You thought you could have him? You thought you could get away with betraying me? He’s mine…Ackles. Mine…and you dared to touch him.” He kneed Jensen in the side again. “You had no right to touch him…all you were supposed to do was bring him back...but you didn’t…you didn’t bring him back.” Another kick, this time in the back. Jensen’s knee gave out and he just hung, helpless in JD’s grip; coughing and fighting the rope around his throat. His husband had once again lost it. He was shaking Jensen brutally. Jared knew his strength well enough to know, that Jensen couldn’t live through this kind of treatment for long. 

And suddenly Jared realized what was about to happen; along with what JD had said: Jensen had been hired by JD, but he hadn’t brought him back. The facts swiftly became insignificant.

JD would kill Jensen. He could see it with agonizing clarity. His husband would kill his lover.

NO…no no no no no no…he strained against his bonds. NO. He didn’t want Jensen to die. They had to talk this out. The hurt in his shoulders exploded, but he couldn’t do anything. He was still effectively immobilized. Jared started screaming behind his gag. Tears sprang to his eyes and streamed down his face, he pulled even more desperately against his restraints. It didn’t matter if he dislocated his shoulders. Nothing mattered anymore, as long he didn’t have to see Jensen die. 

No…I love him…please no…no. Jen…Jen, don’t leave me…Jen, I love you, screamed through his head. His body was in agony, as he saw Jensen slowly slumping down, life leaving his body. 

 

Jensen’s world went fuzzy around the edges. 

“How does that feel, asshole?” Morgan’s voice roared in his ears.

“No…” How he was able to bring out an actual word was a mystery to him, but he couldn’t give in. He could feel unconsciousness creeping up on him, but he concentrated a little more, tried a little harder. He couldn’t leave Jared like this. Jared was in danger. The danger to his own life had lost its’ meaning completely. He tried once more to regain his footing and kick out at Morgan; he wanted desperately to free his hands, but he knew too well it was the last thing he could attempt, not with the rope about to crush his larynx and windpipe.

“Yeah…struggle a little more, bastard. I love it when they fight…you need to realize I have to make you pay.” Morgan’s lips were next to his ear. He could feel them brush against his skin, and shuddered. He couldn’t stop his slow, steady fall into unconsciousness. His eyes found Jared again. Jared fought his bonds and screamed behind his gag.

He wanted nothing more than to take Jared back in his arms, and he was almost sure Jared wouldn’t turn him away. He could see it in his eyes; saw the fear for his life, and the desperation, heard the mangled cries for Jensen not to leave him through the gag. 

His head threatened to explode and he felt hot, and Morgan still didn’t let go. He’s gonna kill me. He wants to kill me. I should have known…

“Haven’t you had enough yet?” Again, those lips on his skin. “Don’t worry…it’ll be over any minute now…I’ll make sure of that. Never again will you be able to lay your hands on my boy.” And with that, the pressure grew again. Using sheer force, Jensen tried once more to free himself, and even managed to rattle Morgan’s footing, but then dizziness took over. There wasn’t enough oxygen in his brain anymore. Jensen’s eyes homed in on Jared.

I’m sorry, Jay…I’m so…so…sorry…Jay, I love you…I…lo…I…

His vision became blurry. All that was left for him to see was Jared. He couldn’t think anymore. Panic closed in, the fact he was about to die had finally caught up with him. The last thing he saw was Jared crying and screaming desperately before consciousness left him. No…

 

JD seemed to hold on to Jensen’s lifeless body for eternity. Jared would never remember how long it had been. Time stopped for him when Jensen fell to the ground, an ugly purple bruise around his neck; motionless and quiet. 

He had stopped fighting, was completely quiet. All he could do was stare at the man he loved. I never really told him went through his head, but it didn’t matter anymore. Jensen was gone. Nothing mattered anymore.

Jared head JD move around the apartment, but he didn’t pay attention. All he could see was Jensen dead on the ground. Just as his husband came back to him, he snapped back to reality. He didn’t react, not even when JD kicked the fucking stool out of his back, its legs scraping heavily over his calves. Jared slumped down, the relief in his shoulders incredible, but he didn’t feel it. He felt numb, and slumped down as far as possible with his hands still cuffed to the heater fixing.

Jen is dead…JD killed him…JD killed Jensen…Oh…my…God…Jen…I’m so sorry…Jen Tears started streaming again over his cheeks. He didn’t want to live anymore. He couldn’t live without Jensen; and he knew, with a sick certainty, that he couldn’t live with JD again. 

“Get over it, boy.” JD pulled at his arms, and Jared didn’t even try to struggle as he felt his hands being unchained from their hold, and then chained again behind his back. He was paralysed. His husband moved through the apartment once again; and Jared slowly crawled over to Jensen. His head fell on the still warm neck, and he broke. Unable to touch, unable to talk, he pressed his face into the soft skin, sobs wrecking his body.

 

JD stopped what he was doing and stared at Jared. He had planned to break him completely with this. But the vigil he had taken up over the bounty hunters body pissed him off. The fucking bounty hunter wasn’t worth a single thought. JD was the only one who was allowed to cause the tears streaming over Jared’s face; especially now that he had the boy back. No one else had the right to do so.

“STOP IT…” He was there with three long steps, grabbing Jared’s hair again, and pulling him away from Jensen’s body. Jared started struggling this time, muffled ‘no’s’ sounding through the gag. “I said STOP it…now.” He didn’t stop. JD started cursing. The situation quickly went out of control. Jared’s defiance had increased, instead of being broken. He freed himself from JD’s grip, and broke down again over Ackles body. Yet JD still had to make sure he was really dead. 

He’d put on surgical gloves by now. All had been arranged so that the break in and subsequent events would look like a robbery gone wrong. He knew well what the police looked for first in these cases. There was nothing of any value here, but it didn’t matter. It just had to look that way. 

No one would connect him to Ackles’ murder. No one knew he’d been here. He decided it was enough and took hold of Jared again. By now he was an ugly mess of blotchy, tear streaked face, bloodied torn clothes, and unbearable whining; and all because of that asshole. 

“Get away now. He’s dead.” For a moment he thought he had Jared under control, but then he tried to bow down and check if Ackles really was dead. At that, the stupid whore clearly lost it. 

 

When Jared saw JD bow down to touch Jensen, he snapped. JD had no right, he wouldn’t get to hurt Jensen anymore then he already had. He wouldn’t lay his dirty, bloody hands on him again, not even in death.

He broke free and straightened up. There was nothing to lose anymore, just one thing to gain. Protect Jensen from JD, and hopefully die doing so. Suddenly he had his strength back. He knew he had almost no chance without his arms to balance him, but he didn’t think about it. All he wanted was to make JD get away from Jensen, and all he had, therefore, to do that were his legs, and the things Jensen had taught him. 

The first wobbly spin-kick hurled JD against the wall. He gasped for air. Jared prepared for another spin, and connected with his face this time. Damn. Well, I do have a good reach Why hadn’t he been able to fight the first time? JD groaned, but he came back to his senses quickly, and avoided the next kick, cursing violently under his breath.

Jared didn’t back out though, and advanced on him again, in for another hit. Desperation, rage and infinite pain enabled him to get over his insecurities. It was way too late, but that didn’t matter. All he wanted was to hurt JD for killing Jen. 

He brought on another kick, but then he lost balance and had to regain his stance. It was that moment of distraction that brought him down. Suddenly his husband had one of the barstools from the breakfast bar in his hands, and had hurled it at him. It impacted on his shoulder and threw him to the ground. The next he saw was JD over him, a gun in hand.

Kill me…please kill me…like you did with Jen, he thought, but he wasn’t that lucky. The butt of the gun came down on his temple, and knocked him out instantly. 

 

Within JD, the hate and rage boiled viciously as he stared down on his now unconscious husband. Something had dawned on him, something he didn’t like in the slightest. What if this defiance didn’t go away? What if he couldn’t break him again? 

He didn’t want to think about that. He had to succeed, and make Jared his again. He would find a way, even though he realized that it would be way more difficult than he’d expected. But first he had to leave. He started to go over to Ackles again, to finally make sure he really was dead, when a knock to the wall startled him out of it again. 

Had someone finally caught onto the fact that there was something wrong here?

JD bowed down and pulled Jared from the ground, throwing him over his shoulder with difficulty. He cursed a blue streak about the fact that the boy really had gained weight, but they had to leave now. He threw another glace around the apartment. Nothing would give away the fact that he’d been there. He grabbed his pack from the breakfast bar, and headed for the front door, opening it carefully, to look around first.

It had darkened considerably, and JD was almost thankful for the bad weather. The light in the hallway was dim. He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, before taking another glance around and stepping out into the hallway. 

He heard the knocking on the wall again, and it made him hurry a little more. He had his ordinary rental car directly outside, not far from the entrance, the real plates safely hidden in the trunk. 

It was a strain to bring Jared outside, but it had to be done. It was almost dark now, wind howling and leaves flying around. Obviously a thunderstorm was about to approach; it would be a cover good enough to disguise JD’s departure. He hurled Jared into the trunk, and took a last look around. The front of the building was almost completely dark, just one window at the far end was lit up, and the trees prevented any direct view onto the parking lot. No one was to be seen. 

An ugly grin played around JD’s lips; it looked like he was lucky once again. With a last look around, he got into the car, started the engine, and drove from the parking lot.


	25. Going through the motions

“KANE…” Chris, who was sat at his desk, literally jumped as his boss, Sterling K. Brown, came storming from his office.

“What is it?” He was instantly worried; his gut telling him this outburst had to do with the Morgan case.

“Vancouver Police department just called me back. They got an anonymous tip about Morgan abusing hookers on a regular basis over there and, you won’t believe this, by now they even suspect him of murdering one, three months ago. A dark haired guy named Milo Ventimiglia.”

“Another dark haired one.” Chris murmured unintentionally. 

“What did you just say?”

“Ehm…I said another dark haired one. Boreanaz was dark haired, Ventigmila obviously was…and…and…the missing husband is too.” Chris was very reluctant to say anything more. It looked like Morgan was even more obsessed than Jensen expected, and even more dangerous Damn that boy for his instincts. You were right again, Jenny.

“Yeah…fine, but that isn’t our biggest problem. Morgan’s now on the wanted list over there. And he just flew out to Miami yesterday…we…”

“WHAT?…he did what?” Chris was on his feet. “I need to make a call. And you should tell the Canadians they need to get their hands on Jim Beaver, a bounty hunter over there.” 

“Who to hell do you want to call?…KANE…answer me.” It would have been too easy to hope that Brown would just do what Chris’ said, but it didn’t matter anymore. If Morgan was down in Florida, Jensen needed to know; fast.

“Jensen…Jensen’s protecting the husband down in Florida.” Chris didn’t wait any longer, and started dialling Jensen’s cell number. He had no idea how they’d found him, but betting that Beaver had something to do with it was his first choice. 

“Jensen…as in Jensen Ross Ackles. Former Special Agent Ackles?” Brown was flabbergasted now. Chris just nodded while waiting for Jensen to pick up. 

“How the hell…why…” His boss obviously couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact he’d been working with Jensen on this. Jensen’s phone went to voicemail. Chris tried again with the same result, and then looked at his boss.

“Sterling…I think he needs help down there.” Sterling Brown snapped back into action. 

“Try as long as you can to get him on the phone. I’ll call the Miami Office, and try to get what we need.” And with that, he disappeared back into his office. Chris had expected him to explode, but he’d obviously realized there was trouble brewing. Chris tried Jensen’s number again.

~

“Mike, would you just stop it?” Tom lost his patience with his boyfriend. It was the third time Mike had knocked forcefully against the wall. Mike just grinned broadly.

“Just want to warn them. It’s almost eight, and I’ve got the feeling the relationship between the two is fast improving now. I don’t want to catch them in the act.”

“Idiot. You’d love nothing more than to catch them in the act.” Mike cackled, clearly guilty as charged. 

“I’ll go over now.” And with that, he bounced in the direction of the balcony door, despite the upcoming thunderstorm. 

“Mike…damn, we agreed to go over at 8.00pm.” It was lost on Mike, who’d already left. Sometimes Tom really despaired of his so often hyper boyfriend, but when he heard glass break moments later, he was alarmed enough to run over too. 

 

Mike had expected the door to be open, as it usually was when Jenny and Jared asked them to come over, but this time it was still closed, and it was dark inside the apartment. He was instantly worried and when lightning flashed a moment later and lit everything up brightly enough to see even the living room through the glass door for a moment, the blood froze in his veins. 

He wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to be sure, but he had to make sure it wasn’t Jensen there on the ground, motionless. He knocked hard, but didn’t get a reaction. A second lightning flash took all his hopes away, and he gripped a lounge chair and slammed it against the glass of the door; storming inside as soon the shards had stopped falling. 

“JENNY…” Mike fell on his knees next to the man, hands hovering helplessly over his still form. Just seconds later he heard Tom run in too. 

“Mike, what…” He stopped mid sentence, and a moment later a light came on. “Go away…” Tom took Mike’s place, calm and composed, Mike edging out of the way; knowing Tom was good at this. It was his job to be good at this.

“He was strangled…oh my God…” Mike jumped up and started searching the apartment for Jay. Just moments later, he was back. “Jay is gone…” 

“That wasn’t Jay…Jay would never do such a thing to Jensen.” Tom had turned Jensen onto his side, and stretched his neck to open his throat. Mike looked at him as if he had lost his marbles.

“Do you really believe I think…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. A cell started ringing. Tom ignored it; Mike went in search of it, and found it in the bathroom. It was Jensen’s. He had twelve missed calls by now. Without thinking, Mike snapped it open. 

“Yeah…?”

“Who’re you?” was the first thing he heard.

“I could ask you the same…” That didn’t go down too well, ‘cause next thing Mike knew, the man on the other end was screaming at him. 

“WHO ARE YOU?….AND IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO JENNY, I’LL KILL YOU…” That was no way to talk to Michael Rosenbaum. 

“HEY…SHUT UP…” Stunned silence on the other end. “I want to know who you are, and what you’ve got to do with Jensen? No one has this number. Not even me…and I’M HIS FRIEND.”

“So, you’re Rosenbaum.” Mike was just about to answer when Tom effectively interrupted him. 

“Stop your screaming match, Mike…and tell the person on the other end, Jen is alive, but we need an ambulance, preferably now. I’m not sure whether his larynx is crushed or not. The landline’s been ripped from the wall, and I don’t have my cell…so I need you to call.” Suddenly all air left Mike, and he literally slumped as the first rush of adrenaline evaporated.

“He’s alive.” There was silence again on the other end. It seemed an eternity before the man spoke again. The whole time, Tom was still working on Jensen, obviously trying to bring him back to consciousness, with little success so far.

“What happened?” Mike shook his head to clear the fog that had settled over him for a moment, when the fear that Jensen was dead had been taken away.

“Who are you?” he asked as calmly as possible, for the second time.

“Special agent Christian Kane, FBI, Seattle Office. Now tell me what happened, and describe Jensen’s condition.” Mike had the slight impression that the man’s voice trembled a little, but he had clearly a good hold on himself. His own hold on his emotions slowly slipped. He felt his hands starting to shake slightly. Mike remembered the man on the phone now, Chris, Jensen’s buddy, who was still in the Bureau. Jensen had mentioned him once.

“We don’t know what happened…”

“MIKE…I said we need an ambulance…!” 

“Who’s there with you?”

“My…my…my boyfriend…” Shock started to catch up with Mike. Someone had tried to kill Jenny…probably the husband…and Jay is gone. Jen will kill me. “Oh my fucking god.” He felt Tom’s hands on him, leading him to the couch. He took the phone gently from Mike’s hands and went back to Jensen. 

“Tom Welling, the boyfriend. I need to call an ambulance…Jen was strangled, and I can’t bring him round. Call again in a few minutes.” He wanted to end the call, but the sharp ‘STOP’ from the other end halted him. 

“Tell me what his throat looks like…”

“What?” The question completely baffled Tom.

“Are there bigger marks left and right from the larynx?” Tom looked at Jensen.

“Yeah…why?” 

“He had his hands in the rope or whatever…to prevent his windpipe from being crushed…it’s a trained reaction. The rope cut off the blood flow to his brain, and he fainted, but his breathing wasn’t affected. Wake him up.” Tom was almost dumbstruck; almost.

“Who are you?”

“Damn…Christian Kane, FBI. WAKE HIM UP, NOW! If you’ve got nothing else, use vinegar. It should work like smelling salts.” 

Tom was indignant. “I just said he’s not responding. We don’t know how long he was strangled for. We can be happy when he wakes up again. And I need an ambulance, RIGHT NOW!” He couldn’t hear the reaction on the other end. Someone took the phone from his fingers; Jensen.

“I’m there.” His voice was shot to hell, nothing more then a hoarse whisper. Obviously his larynx had suffered, despite what Chris had said. Tom and Mike just stared at him, shell-shocked.

 

“Jen…you all right?”

“I’ll let you know when I get Jared back.” Jensen tried to sit up, but he swayed and fell into Tom.

“So, the lawyer does have him. Jen, we’ll do what we can. Sterling’s already contacted Miami.”

“When, and how, did Morgan come in?” 

“Yesterday. AAL 247 to Miami. We were informed by the Canadians just two hours ago. Jen, stay where you are. They’ll send a unit over to you, and another one will go looking for Jared.”

“Are they already moving?”

“Ehm…no.” It would have surprised Jensen if the Bureau had been that fast. He struggled to get to his feet again. Tom helped him up. His head spun, but he knew he had to move. He had to find and protect Jared. 

“Keep me updated.” And with that, he ended the call and moved in the direction of his room, once again swaying dangerously.

“What are you doing, Jensen? You need to see a doctor.” Tom had caught him before he could fall, but Jensen was anything but thankful. He had to get a grip on himself, before panic and fear overwhelmed him. 

“I NEED TO FIND JARED. That’s what I need.” Rage and adrenalin, they were the only way he could stay on his feet. He saw that he’d confused Tom. 

“Jen, what’s going on here? Why…” Jensen didn’t answer; instead he turned again to go to his room, needing to boot up his laptop. From the corner of his eye, he saw Mike intercepting Tom’s attempts to get answers from him. He was working on autopilot at the moment. He went through the motions, sorting his thoughts like he’d been trained to do. 

Picture from Morgan. Fake badge, holster and gun. 

Jensen went to his wardrobe and took out an innocuous shoe box from the back. He was still a little dizzy, but did his best to suppress it. Morgan had really done a number on him with his attack. It shocked him that the lawyer was that unscrupulous. Obviously he was bordering on the edge of madness. 

Obsession. Possession. The need to control. The things he’s done to Jared. God damn, I should have known he wouldn’t react well, seeing me with him, but that… God Jay…I hope you are alright. Jensen knew ‘alright’ was a relative term. At the moment, it would be enough for Jensen to know Jared was still alive. 

His hands started shaking, and he stopped what he was doing and sat down on the bed. Panic was close, and he wasn’t sure he could control it this time. Just the thought of Jared in Morgan’s hands drove his heart rate to new levels.

When a hand landed on his shoulder, he literally jumped. 

“You’ll get him back, Jen. I know you will.” Mike had come in, and Jensen was thankful for the distraction this time. 

“I would never have guessed Morgan would try to kill me.” Jensen’s voice shook. He could still barely whisper, and he rubbed his hands over his face, shaking. 

“Jensen…I think Tom’s right. You need to see a doctor.” Tom hovered in the doorway, worry lining his pretty face. Mike had almost certainly clued him in by now, but obviously the big dressing down could wait in face of his almost dying. 

“I need to find Jared, Mike. He could be dead before the agents even start moving.” Jensen felt the numbness of grief slowly take over, and was thankful for it.

“Jen…you’re shaking like a leaf.” Mike insisted.

“Doesn’t matter…I sent a picture of Morgan to your e-mail. Please print it out for me. And do you have a suit?…Something that would make me look more official?” He saw Mike looking at Tom. They didn’t agree with him, and he understood their reasoning. What had happened had them in turmoil. “Please…Tom…You need to understand.” He knew he sounded desperate. He was desperate. Tom looked away and shook his head, before turning and leaving, hopefully heading for their apartment, to get the things Jensen needed. 

“Jensen, I still think this is a bad idea. Wait for the cavalry. Your friend threatened to kill me if something happens to you.” Hearing Mike as the voice of reason was so surreal. Jensen got up from the bed and started pacing. 

“This isn’t about me. This is about Jared’s life being in danger. Can’t you understand?” He couldn’t believe they were trying to hold him back. They were Jared’s friends; and Jensen was probably his best chance at coming out of this alive. 

“I understand. I do, Jen. I’m just not sure you’ll be a real help in your condition.”

“Doesn’t matter. I failed…again. I can’t loose him, Mike. I need him alive. Even if he never wants to see me again…”

“Morgan told him?” Jensen nodded, and busied himself with sending the picture, and then opening the shoe box. He saw Mike’s surprise when he brought out a 9mm gun, a shoulder holster, and a fake FBI badge. The fake badge even had his former ID number. It was ridiculous was just a poor imitation of the real thing, but it should work, but Jensen didn’t mind. He needed all back up he could get.

“Could you just look for the suit?” They were almost the same build and height, and Jensen was sure Mike had a suit. His friend scowled. 

“I don’t like what you’re planning.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll do it whatever.”

“Then at least let me come with you.”

“No…This is my fuck up. And it’s my job.” 

“You aren’t an agent anymore.” 

“Once an FBI Agent, always an FBI Agent. Mike…don’t make my throat hurt even more. Please do as I asked.” He was interrupted by Tom coming back.

“Here’s the suit. It should fit you, and I brought a shirt and a tie too. But you can only have them if you let me give you something for the pain, and something to help your circulation blood pressure. The tremors aren’t just from panic, Jensen. You suffered a severe trauma, and need to be stabilised.” Jensen just nodded. He was surprised that Tom accepted his decision, even while Mike argued against it. 

“I’m just surprised you’ve got all these things at home.”

“We had a situation here in the building some years ago. Since then I’ve made sure I’m always prepared. Take off your shirt. I’ll give you an injection; it’ll work faster that way.” Jensen did what he was told and Tom gave him two injections in his biceps, and then gave him the clothes. When Jensen went to the bathroom to change, he could see the incredulous look Mike threw his boyfriend. 

 

“Did you sedate him?” Mike asked the moment the door fell shut.

“No.”

“WHAT? Why not?” 

“Imagine yourself in his situation?” That brought Mike down in an instant. Imagining that his boyfriend had been kidnapped by an insane monster was sobering. “And I don’t think he’ll accomplish much. The authorities are on their way. They’ll be faster than Jensen. At least this way, he’ll probably be there for Jay when he needs him.” Tom continued. “I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this, Mike.” 

“I’m sorry, baby, but Jensen made me promise. And honestly…I was afraid you’d be furious.” Tom leaned his forehead against Mike’s shoulder.

“I am.” He admitted quietly. 

“You think he’s fit enough to do this?”

“Yeah. The painkillers will help and, as long as his circulation blood pressure stabilises, he’ll be good. Even though I wish I could make him rest right now, I daren’t, Jensen would probably kill me the moment he came too. And I understand him. I really do. This is just horrible. He loves Jay so much, and wants to protect him…I can’t even imagine how Jay feels right now. He was so scared and broken when we first met him.” 

“I’ll bring him back…promise.” Jensen had reappeared. Mike was surprised how official looking he appeared now. 

“Let me come with you, Jen, please.” He tried once more, and hoped for support from Tom.

“It’s probably a good idea.” Tom suggested, but the answer was still ‘no’

 

Jensen left five minutes later. Mike had brought him the photo of Morgan, and Jensen had instructed Tom to wait for the FBI to show. They would search the place, assessing what had happened, securing any and all traces Morgan had left. He hoped his friends could handle the situation. The agents wouldn’t be very happy, once they realized he’d gone. That didn’t bother Jensen. There was just one thing important to him at the moment, and that was Jared. He was oddly calm by now. Jensen knew this state of mind well. It felt like everything had become more distant. The only thing on his mind was finding Jared. The rest of the world retreated from him. He was on his way to the Miami airport, breaking all speed limits.

Morgan had needed a car, and Jensen was praying he’d rented it at the airport. He was just at the outskirts of the city when his cell started playing Chris’ ringtone. 

“Why am I not surprised to see that you’re on the move, Jensen?” were the first words he heard. Jensen didn’t bother to answer. Chris knew him well enough. “How’re you doing?” 

“Functioning.”

“Blood pressure okay? No dizziness?” 

“Tom gave me something. He’s a nurse.” 

“Good. Don’t bother with the airport. All flights are delayed because of the incoming storm. He rented a car yesterday, and paid with a credit card. We’ve got his GPS already. You got your laptop?” Jensen pulled on the curb; inwardly cursing about the stop, but he needed to know where to find Morgan. He fumbled hastily for the device; opening and booting it up.

“Yeah…”

“Okay…go online and connect to the satellite. I’ll find you.” 

“Where are you?”

“On a fucking plane to Florida with a small team. We had to give the lead on the case over to Miami. Sterling is seething, but whatever. I’ll be there soon. Leading agent there is a Wentworth Miller. He was very keen to handle the case.”

“Went? Went is with the Bureau?” Jensen couldn’t have been more surprised. Went wasn’t the typical FBI asshole he was accustomed to.

“You know him?” 

“Yeah…kind of.” It was good to know he felt right about someone on the case. 

“He’s keeping me updated via the satellite phone. They’ve already gathered their forces and are about to head out, but, right now, it looks like you’re the closest. Got the transmission?” Jensen threw a quick look at the laptop. The screen now showed a map, with two moving points; one currently moving over the I-75 along the Gulf coast, the other circling Miami. He drove back on the road.

“Yes.”

“He’s got two and a half hours on you. I think Miller’s going to try for people from Tampa too. They know they have to move carefully, considering he has a hostage. It’s just such chaos down there with this weather, and it’s fucking late already.” The darkness from the storm had gone over to the darkness of nightfall. Jensen knew what Chris meant.

The weather was a mess. Everything hinted at an incoming tropical storm. They’d had warnings since yesterday, but it was obviously coming in faster than expected. Jensen tried to remember where the storm was supposed to hit. 

“I know. What about the weather? Is it a tropical storm, or worse?” 

“Tropical storm ‘till now. It’s coming in from the Caribbean, and will hit Florida somewhere between Naples and Tampa, hopefully tuning down a little.”

“When?”

“Not sure. Two to four hours.” 

“Okay.” Jensen wasn’t happy about that. Often enough, roads needed to be closed, and the chance of maintaining the satellite connection would be very slim. He turned the radio on, to keep up to date. 

“Jen…” Chris’ voice had changed, and Jensen’s face darkened. 

“You don’t need to give me the speech.” 

“I don’t want to. I just wanted to say that we’ll find him. Be careful, boy.”

“I will.”

“I’ll call as soon I have news. Let’s hope we don’t lose the satellite connection in the storm.” 

“Chris…”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you…for everything.” And with that, Jensen ended the call. The calm in him had deepened. He knew all he could do was move. To keep moving closer to Jared, and keep hoping he was still alive. He chased through the night, his eyes on the laptop screen every now and then, watching the point that marked his position moving steadily closer to the one showing Morgan’s position on the map, even though were still almost three hours between them.

As long Morgan was moving, Jared wasn’t in danger of being hurt or killed. That was the only thought that held Jensen together.


	26. Welcome To Hell

Jared started to panic the moment he opened his eyes and found himself surrounded by darkness. He felt as though he was stuck in a coffin, and was still bound and gagged. His breathing became erratic, and he started to kick his legs out. They’d cramped up, and the pain was mind numbing. The space around him was too small, and he started thrashing in fear. Broken thoughts of dying tumbled through his head, and it was impossible to get enough air in his lungs. 

I’ll die… started circling in his head, and he wished it would just be over. The skin around his wrist broke open and the scratches burned. He became nauseous, and could already taste the bile in his throat. Being sick behind the gag would kill him, and death suddenly seemed a heavenly prospect.

Oddly, that was the thought that brought him back to his senses.

Jensen is dead. Jared became quiet: his mind suddenly working clearly again. He saw what had happened in his minds’ eye again; remembered, what he’d been told. 

Jensen had been in Key Largo to bring him back to Vancouver, back to JD. The feeling of betrayal washed over him again with devastating reality, but then why had Jensen died, and at JD’s hands?

I never would have done that. Jensen’s voice literally screamed those words in his head. And frankly, Jared could believe him. He wanted to. He wanted to believe him. The bitter truth was more devastating. 

Jensen was dead. He had paid for his resistance to doing what he was supposed to with his life. 

I love you.

Three simple words, but somehow Jared knew they had been true. Jensen had meant, what he had said that grey morning on the balcony. He could feel it in his heart and in his soul. Whatever reasons he’d originally had in being there, he HAD loved him, Jared was sure about that. No one would have done what Jensen had done for him if there hadn’t been more to it.

Loved. 

Past tense. Jensen had loved him; and now he was dead. Jared felt tears prickle in the corners of his eyes. He knew he was back in hell, but he was accustomed to it; Jensen being killed because of him wasn’t something he could get accustomed to. It hurt way more than the fact that he was back in JD’s vicious hands. That he could take, but he couldn’t stand knowing that Jensen would never be there for him again. No matter what he’d been there for in the first place. 

The tears started falling. Jared couldn’t believe he had any left, but he had. He could still cry. He could cry for Jensen, for the love he had experienced; for the love he had been given.

I love you…I love you so much…You know that, don’t you? I loved you, Jen. It hurt so much now that he’d never said it to him, never said it when Jensen could’ve heard it. He’d felt so safe with Jensen. He never would’ve imagined that JD could bring this all crashing down so effortlessly. He’d even managed to push JD out of his mind almost completely; Jensen had made him feel so safe. Jensen had given him hope for a better life. And now he was gone. 

Jared pressed his forehead in the hard surface he lay on, wanting to get a grip on himself again, but he wasn’t able to. Desperate sobs fought against the gag, and tears streamed from his eyes. Guilt and self pity ran through his mind. He couldn’t understand why this had had to happen. Why me? Why Jensen? Why couldn’t JD just let me be? God, I hate him so much. I hate him so much. Jared started doubting his whole life; he couldn’t believe how he could’ve been so stupid as to fall for JD, or why he hadn’t run earlier. This whole mess was his fault, and now Jensen was dead, simply because he hadn’t been strong enough to fight JD; not in the past, and not now. 

All he could do was cry. He was such a failure. His father and his brother had been right. He was a waste of space. Jared wanted to scream. He thrashed his head against his confinement, kicked his legs out, and wanted nothing more than to die, wanted this horrible mess to be over.

~

The car swayed dangerously when, once again, Jensen let his eyes linger too long on the screen of his laptop. He cursed a blue streak and hit the wheel. The satellite connection had been lost twice already, and now it looked as if he was losing it again. The heavy rain and the thick clouds interfered with the signal too much. He had luckily realised that Morgan had left the Interstate for a smaller state route a while ago, probably due to the weather warnings for the Gulf coast. He was still heading north and hadn’t stopped once, but that wouldn’t change anything if Jensen lost him. 

Jensen had, thanks to reckless driving, closed in on him by two hours, but while he just reached Fort Myers, Morgan was almost in Tampa. And the weather was getting worse and worse. Rain came down like a dark veil, and Jensen sometimes felt as though he was driving blind. His eyes hurt. He’d already switched from contacts to glasses, but it didn’t really help. 

Resigned, he registered that the pin points on the laptop’s screen had once again disappeared. Connection lost again. The only thing he could go by now was the fact that Morgan had taken Interstate 75 again, in direction of Ocala and Gainesville. Jensen wanted to be able to use the Interstate to increase his speed, but he knew he couldn’t risk it. The storm was closing in, and the danger of getting stuck was simply too high. 

And so he drove on, lighting another cigarette, and praying he would find them. 

~

When he saw the flashing lights from a police car and Fire trucks, JD slowed his car down. What the hell is going on here? He couldn’t help but be worried. The thrashing in the trunk had subsided again, but he wasn’t sure it would stay that way when the car stopped. Slowly driving closer, he realised that the road was blocked. The storm had obviously brought down some trees, and they’d fallen across the highway. 

“Fuck.” That was the last thing he needed. He’d wanted to leave the State behind tonight, but it looked like the damn storm would prevent that. He fumbled with the satnav for another route, but the damn thing had lost its’ satellite connection, and he was effectively lost. JD cursed some more and turned the car on the empty highway. It seemed he had to stop for the night. That meant he had to leave the Interstate to find a motel. 

A grin appeared on JD’s face at this thought. It probably wasn’t such a bad thing that he had to stop. Jared should have come to his senses by now, should have realised there was no way out for him. He had missed out for so long on having his husband, that he was suddenly very eager to find a place for the night. 

It was time to show Jared who he belonged to, time to erase the memories that damned agent had imprinted on him. He had to make Jared forget, as fast as possible. 

 

Jared had realised when the car turned around, and felt panic rise once again. He’d exhausted himself with thrashing and kicking around, but not enough to fall asleep again or lose consciousness. Too tired to fight, he’d finally taken in his surroundings, and had realised he was in the trunk of a moving car. 

The monotone droning on the trunk of the car had told him it was raining heavily and he remembered the incoming storm. It seemed that they were just about in the middle of it at the moment. Jared had to ask himself if JD planned to drive the whole way up to Vancouver with him in the trunk. The thought made him shudder, but he knew JD was cruel enough to do it. His husband was teaching him a lesson, trying to break him again. 

There was nothing left to break. Jared had broken, when he had seen Jensen die, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t fight. 

With each new realisation, Jared had become calmer. He knew, with disturbing clarity, how small the chance was that he would live through this. He’s witnessed Jensen’s death. Did his husband really expect him to keep quiet about that? 

There were just two options left; either JD would kill him too, or he planned to chain him at home. There was no other way he’d be held captive anymore. 

By now, he had no doubt that his husband was insane. That JD was obsessed and erratic, that he’d known before, but that he was crazy enough to kill someone? That he hadn’t expected. God, why did it have to be Jen? Why hadn’t it been me? Jared’s eyes closed, as tears threatened to fall again. He had to stop. He had to control himself. He didn’t want to give JD the satisfaction of making him cry again, no matter how much it hurt to think abut Jensen. 

The car slowed down and Jared perked up. Where were they heading? What would JD do next? Carefully, he tried to move his legs. His whole body hurt like hell, from the beating, from the cramped position, from the strain he‘d put himself under when he’d fought his bonds in the apartment. The muscles of his legs loosened a little from the careful movements, and he tried to relax more.

No matter what, he wouldn’t make it easy on his husband. Not anymore. All he had left was his will to fight back, to not be a helpless victim again. Jared knew he had no real chance against JD, but he wouldn’t give in without trying, even if it pissed JD off. 

He’d been through all of this before, in the beginning, when he’d believed it would help to defend himself. The result had been even more viciousness and cruelty, until he had given up. This time he wouldn’t give up. Never again. 

 

JD stopped the car in front of a dingy motel, a little away from the highway. There was just one car in the parking lot, surprising considering the weather, but that was just fine with him. He drove to the room the farthest away from the reception building. It happened that the doors led to a long porch, and he could park directly in front of the room. It would make it much easier to bring Jared inside. 

He switched off the engine and got out to book the room, carefully listening for any sound from the trunk. It was quiet, and JD wondered if his boy had knocked himself out again. He grinned. Not for long, hon, not for long. I will make sure you’ll be very awake soon. You won’t miss out on anything, hon. 

Minutes later, he came back, room key in hand, and a self satisfied smile on his face. The old hag on reception was half drunk. There was no risk of getting discovered. He had thrown a glance through the window of one room and seen nothing. All he could hear was loud snoring. There was obviously no danger from there wither. He could bring Jared in without any problems looming. 

JD opened the door and turned the lights on. The room was gloomy, and smelled musty. Normally he would’ve turned around and left, but his anticipation had grown since the moment he’d realized he needed to stop for the night. The surroundings didn’t matter as long as he could finally have Jared again. 

He brought his bag in and stared at the trunk for a moment then, asking himself what he should expect from Jared. He was fairly sure his husband wasn’t very happy about the things that happened in Key Largo. JD let out an ugly chuckle. You didn’t really expect me to let that bastard go, did you? He would never have given up. JD had no doubt about the fact that Ackles would have come for Jared. 

Seeing them together had told him more than he’d wanted to know. That stupid ex-agent had really cared for Jared and, considering the fact that he had blown a lot of money just by not doing his job, the risk that he would try to get Jared back simply had been too big. It was better that way, and Jared knew now that he wouldn’t hesitate to protect his property.

Determined, he opened the trunk.

 

Jared played dead. He had listened carefully to the movements outside the car, and knew his husband had stood next to the trunk for longer than necessary. JD was probably wary of him. You fucking should be. But for now he stayed quiet, and hoped JD thought he was still unconscious. 

Strong hands gripped his shoulders and dragged him up. Jared didn’t move a muscle, played along as well as he was able to. He needed ground under his feet, needed to know if he was even able to support his weight after this long a period in the cramped space. His husband had some problems lifting him out of the trunk. His feet hit the ground hard when he finally came out, and he knew instantly that he wouldn’t be able to do anything to escape, or even defend himself. His legs felt like jelly, and the pins and needles started the moment they finally stretched again. He heard the lid of the trunk closing, and felt himself pulled up in a fireman’s lift. JD carried him up some stairs, groaning. A moment later, the door fell shut.

They were inside again. Jared wished he could risk a look around, but he didn’t dare. JD let him slide onto a musty smelling bed, and he heard him going over to the door again, locking it. Jared chanced a look. The room was dingy, the bed damp. He was disgusted. 

“You can stop pretending now, honey.” Jared jumped as JD addressed him directly. His husband still stood by the door, looking at him now, the expression on his face unreadable. Jared stared at him and tried his legs. He still didn’t have all the feeling back, but he scrabbled backwards, away from JD. His knees hit the ground when he reached the edge of the bed. The pain helped him to get his bearings back. “Still trying to defy me, Jared? Don’t you know better?” Slowly, JD came closer, Jared tried to get to his feet, but it didn’t work. He fell to the ground and scrabbled away from JD, quiet and stubborn. 

JD just grinned. He clearly knew that Jared still was pretty much helpless. 

“Boy, boy, boy. We need to knock this out of you as fast as possible.” He just stood there, staring down at Jared, and Jared felt the fear creep up on him. This quiet was more disturbing than anything else. JD felt safe. He wasn’t in a hurry. 

By now they know what you’ve done… it went through Jared’s head. Mike had known Jensen’s secret, Jared was convinced of this, and he’d definitely make the right connections. He wanted to scream the truth at JD, wanted to tell him that he’d lost it, but he still was gagged, and so he just tried to melt into the wall, waiting. 

JD came closer, bowed down to him and brought his face near enough for Jared to feel his breath on his face. 

“What do you think, honey? How do we get rid of this ugly behaviour?” Jared turned his face away, only to be gripped hard by the jaw and be forced to look JD in the eyes again. “I know a sure fire way, hon.” As he brought out a hunting knife and held it in front of Jared’s face, Jared started shaking. The ugly smile on JD’s face grew wider. “I will make you mine again, Jared…I promise.” 

Jared threw himself aside desperately and landed a kick to his husband’s knee again. JD stumbled, but caught himself quickly. 

“You really don’t know what’s good for you.”

He’d almost made it, was almost on his feet, even if he had no idea what to do next, but then JD grabbed his still bound hands and pulled them upwards. Groaning, Jared went down again, face pressed to the filthy carpet, the pain in his shoulders once more unbearable. Tears sprang to his eyes again, but he forced them back. He was lost, and he knew it, but he wouldn’t give JD the satisfaction of seeing him cry again. 

When the knife started ripping through the material of his T-shirt, he started shaking badly. As the shredded cloth was ripped away he began to retreat into his head, knowing what was about to come. 

The knife cut through the waistband of his jeans and scraped his skin, but he didn’t feel the pain anymore. JD cut his clothes to shreds, nicking his skin now and then for good measure. Jared closed himself off, and prayed for death once more. 

~

Jensen was startled out of his dark thoughts his cell ringing. It was the standard ring tone, with a completely unfamiliar number on the screen. He took the call, wary.

“Hello?”

“Jensen, Went here. We’ve got a problem.” Jensen couldn’t have been more surprised if Morgan had called him. 

“What the hell…”

“You’re officially Special Agent Ackles to the Miami office from right now on. Do you have satellite connection?”

“Err…no.”

“Morgan stopped twenty minutes ago. Gainesville would have been close, but the storm is right over that territory now. My unit is too far back, you’re the closest. I know from Kane you’re already with them freelance, but you’re official for me now. You’re thirty minutes away from them. He had to turn back because of roadblocks and needed some time to find a motel. Jensen, you know the rules, right?”

“I do…” Jensen was kind of speechless at what was happening. 

“Don’t doubt that I expect you to follow the rules.”

“Never would.” Where ever this was going, he would follow as long as it suited him. 

“You need to leave the Interstate at the next exit.”

“You’ll guide me?”

“You won’t find him any other way.” Jensen was outright shocked by now. No matter what Went said, he was still a civilian. 

“What phone are you on?” There was a short pause, then Went answered.

“My private one.” So much for the rules. Wentworth Miller was risking his job for him. 

“Okay…tell me where to go.” Obviously they still had satellite connection further south, but considering he was in the middle of a tropical storm, he wasn’t surprised his own was still down. Jensen followed the directions, and left the Interstate at the next exit. 

“Second on the right, and then straight on for about four miles. “ 

“I’m on my way. Where’s Chris?” 

“They needed to change route to avoid the storm. The plane just landed in Miami.” So it would be hours until Chris reached them. 

“Where are you?”

“We are stuck behind Arcadia. The damn storm threw some trees over the road, and the rain obviously flooded it further north. They’re clearing the mess away, but it will be still a long time ‘til we’re there.”

“I was a little shocked when Chris told me a Wentworth Miller was Agent in Charge.”

“Tell me about it. I was equally shocked when I heard about a bounty hunter named Jensen ROSS Ackles having trouble with the husband of a Jared Tristan Morgan. A husband who was a supposed murderer from Vancouver. You did a real number on us.”

“Sorry.” Jensen could truthfully say that. By now, he regretted the way he’d handled things. Jared probably may never have considered a relationship with him, but he at least would have understood why Jensen had wanted a certain control over his whereabouts. They would have perhaps ended in the same situation, but he wouldn’t have lied to everyone, and his reasons for watching over Jared would’ve been clear, but it was too late for these regrets.

“Don’t be” Went reassured him in the meantime. “As long as you get to the boy in time, it’s alright. Turn left now. At the end of the little town you should see the motel. And Jensen…we talked about the rules. Don’t make me lose my job,” he warned again. 

Jensen wouldn’t make any promises, but he said, “I’ll try…Thanks, Went.” And with that, he ended the call and switched the phone off. He didn’t need anymore intervention. He was where he was needed. Jensen drove through the empty town. Rain still was lashing heavily through the street, but the worst seemed to be over. 

At the end of the town, Jensen could see the neon sign of the motel. He turned the headlights of the Impala off as he drove slowly into the parking lot, the still raging weather hopefully disguising the sound of the engine. There was just one room which was dimly lit, and Jensen feared what he would find there. It just increased his determination.

Jensen took a deep breath as he switched the engine off, made sure he had his gun, and left the car.


	27. Catharsis

“Back up, asshole…nice and slow. If you hurt him anymore, I will pull the trigger.” The muzzle from Jensen’s 9mm pressed against the back of JD’s head, and the damn lawyer literally shrank; his hands flying away from the tie that had been wrapped around Jared’s neck until now, his erection wilted rapidly and he slipped out of Jared’s body, also losing the condom he’d thankfully used. Were you afraid he’d caught something from someone?…Did you really think he’d sleep around? God damn asshole…at least he couldn’t catch anything from you and your hookers Jensen was furious. He had to forcibly restrain himself.

Finding the door locked, he’d had used his lock picks, which he’d fortunately taken from the trunk, to open it. The sight that had greeted him had made him nauseous. Jared’s body was bruised and battered. Bloody scratches marred his back, and a large bruise bloomed under his ribs. There were small trails of blood on his legs too. Morgan had clearly done a number on him.

Jensen felt rage boil up inside and had trouble stamping it down. He needed to stay calm and detached, and realized now why Went had put him on his honour and told him he had to consider himself FBI agent again. That way, he wasn’t allowed to follow his own desires and kill Morgan slowly and painfully, but he had to vigorously keep repeating this in his head.

Jared seemed very much out of it. His hands were cuffed to the bed frame, arms stretched wide, so he had almost no chance of moving. His face was pressed in the pillow and he was completely silent. The only sign that he was alive was his visible fight to breathe against the fucking tie around his neck.

Morgan was so engrossed in what he was doing that he’d obviously forgotten everything around him. Luckily, he hadn’t heard the snick as the lock had opened and he hadn’t noticed Jensen come in. So the muzzle of the gun against his head was a bit of a surprise, and an effective mood killer for him.

A cold grin spread over Jensen’s face. The need to pull the trigger raged inside him and he fought it valiantly.

“Not so cocky anymore, are we?” Jensen saw Jared move his head at his voice this time. It was still shot to hell, but he apparently recognized it anyway. He looked over his shoulder, shock in his eyes. Jensen had to concentrate at the task at hand. Get Morgan away from Jay, as fast as possible. “Move away from him,” he ordered. “And don’t even try any tricks with me, or you’re dead. Leave your hands where I can see them.”

JD did as he was told, hands held wide and away from his body. The muzzle of the gun followed his every move.

“You’re dead” Morgan’s voice was hoarse as he managed to get the words out, and Jensen’s grin spread even wider. 

“Looks like you’ve got a ghost problem then. You should probably call the Winchesters.” He joked darkly, his favourite TV show on his mind. Morgan was not amused. On the contrary, he seemed finally wary and didn’t dare move, but he obviously couldn’t keep his trap shut.

“Jared is my husband. He belongs to me and I can do what I want with him. You’ve got no rights concerning him.” He growled helplessly. Jensen released the safety on his gun and was ready to shoot, Morgan’s comment causing rage to pulse through his body.

“Even so, he has rights of his own…and consent is an important element, especially in sexual encounters.”

“He damn well needs this” Morgan groused, self-righteous with the first signs of rage on his own part.

“I don’t think so. At least, that wasn’t my impression when I was with him” Jensen said this deliberately, and the reaction was instant. Morgan tensed, hate flaring over his face.

“You bastard…”

“Now…my friend…I suggest you calm down a little.” The gun happened to bump into his head. Jensen guided Morgan further away from the bed and brought himself between him and Jared, his left hand feeling backwards for Jared and, although he felt him flinch away from his touch, his fingers continued to search for the gag. Jared needed to breathe. 

He found a clasp and opened it blindly, hearing Jared’s gasp for air with delight. Morgan had been thorough, bringing his toys with him. Again, the wish to beat the asshole into a bloody pulp arose violently. 

Morgan had turned and stared at him now, his eyes full of hate and rage. 

“You’ve got no right to take him away from me.” He stated calmly and with conviction. He was careful with his wording, and still did what Jensen had told him, but the conviction was still there, clearly visible in his eyes. Jensen couldn’t believe it. He had to breathe deeply to calm himself against his own hate rate and rage. It was a difficult task.

“You’re not the voice of reason for any rights here.” The gun never wavered, and this seemed to be the point that changed Morgan’s attitude a little. His look became contemplative. Jensen was curious as to what would come next, and was literally shocked out of his mind with what Morgan proposed.

“I’m sure we could come to an understanding here…On certain terms, I’d even be willing to share.”

Mistake, dude, big mistake…Jensen’s restraint on his rage slipped dangerously, and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. The first hit connected with Morgan’s temple and he tumbled to the ground. 

“You damn asshole…” The lawyer growled angrily at this. “I made you a good offer…”

“Offer? You still haven’t realized that you have NOTHING to offer.” A kick to the ribs followed the first hit “And yeah…to the asshole part on my side. You have no idea what an asshole I can be.” 

“You can’t do anything to me…I have rights…” This was the last straw for Jensen’s self-control. With the gun still steadily directed at Morgan, he delivered some more kicks. His vision was clouded red, and he knew nothing could stop him from beating Jeffrey Dean Morgan to death. The bastard had hurt Jared for years, and now he’d done it again. He’d arranged for him be hunted down like a common criminal and wanted him brought back against his will. He couldn’t even think about the things Morgan had done to him as well.

The gun disappeared into the waistband of his pants, and Jensen’s fists joined the fun. 

“YOU. HAVE. NO. RIGHTS. Not as long as I’m in charge.”

Minutes later Morgan’s face was a bloody mess, but it wasn’t enough for Jensen. He wanted to hurt him as he’d hurt Jared, wanted to torture him, like Morgan had done when he’d tried to kill Jensen in front of Jared. He was out of control, and he knew it, but he didn’t think anything could stop him now. To his infinite surprise, it was Jared who ripped him from his fury.

His voice wasn’t any better than Jensen’s, after the abuse they both had undergone, but as Jared had recognized his, Jensen heard Jared’s voice over his blind rage, no matter how quiet it was. 

“Jen…no…please, Jen…no.” It was like a bucket of ice water. Jensen instantly came back to his senses and backed away from Morgan. The monster groaned on the ground and curled up around himself. “Please don’t kill him, Jen.” Jared pleaded with him once more, but it wasn’t necessary anymore. Jensen was back under control. 

With shaking hands, he retrieved his own cuffs from the pocket of Mike’s suit. He cuffed Morgan’s hands behind his back, mercilessly pulled him as far away from the bed as possible, and fastened the other cuff to a pipe from the radiator. 

“You fucking asshole, you won’t get away with this…” Morgan gurgled around a mouth full of blood. Jensen gripped a hand full of hair to bring his face up enough to look him in the eye. The expression on his face was merciless and malicious. 

“Sorry, ass wipe…you have forgotten one important point… There was a time I was on the FBI…and I’ve still got friends there…”

“So have I…”

“Maybe…but I don’t think that will save you from charges of murder in Vancouver, and attempted murder in Key Largo…They’re already on their way…just so you know. Sweet dreams…I guess you’ll be getting more ass fucking in your future than you can take.” And with that, the butt of the 9mm connected with Morgan’s temple and knocked him out.

 

Jensen straightened and tried to get rid of the tension in his body. He knew he had to calm down fast, had to be centred and understanding with Jared. There was so much at stake, and there were so much unresolved between them after this mess. He didn’t even want to imagine what Jared was thinking. Jensen feared his reaction to this whole thing, but he knew he had to bring him back around carefully and be convincing, no matter what it meant for him in the end. 

Jared shouldn’t feel ashamed and guilty about what had happened. He needed to realize that none of it was his fault. He turned and looked at the bed. The man on it had curled in on himself as much as possible with his hands still cuffed to the frame. He’d turned his face away from Jensen. 

Jensen didn’t hesitate any further, and went over to him, sitting down carefully at the edge of the bed, keeping a deliberate distance from Jared’s body, so as not to make him even more skittish. With tender hands he removed the cuffs from his writs. The skin there was broken and bloody, and Jensen wanted nothing more than to make it better, but he needed Jared’s approval first. He wouldn’t do anything without it.

The moment Jared’s hands were free he curled up into himself even more, retreating into a foetal position, still without facing Jensen. 

“Don’t look at me…” he pleaded hoarsely, while his body started shaking. 

“Why, Jay? What do you think I’ll see?” He heard Jared’s quiet sobbing and saw how he tried to curl up even more, as if he wanted nothing more than to disappear. Tenderly, he reached out and started to stroke his sweat wet hair. Jared flinched, and Jensen was tempted to take his hand away, but he didn’t. He just stopped the caress, without giving up on the contact, trying to keep Jared grounded. 

“You want me to tell you what I see?” A tense head shake was his answer, but Jared didn’t move away from his light touch. “But I need to…Jared. I need to tell you what I see.

“I see an incredibly beautiful man. A strong man, strong enough to take a chance when he sees one; strong enough to get over his past and dare to try a new start; strong enough to open up again to others, even if he has no reason to trust. I see someone who cares, who’s tender and affectionate; who loves helping people, and protecting and teaching children.” The shaking had subsided. Jared was listening, and Jensen really hoped he was getting through to him, making him understand that he wasn’t what Morgan had imprinted on him. “I see a man who is strong enough to face life, no matter what. Someone I…I love…no matter what. I love you, Jared. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I love you. He can’t take that away from you. You can’t allow him to, Jared.” Jared’s head turned slowly and he looked up at Jensen, his face tear strained.

“How can you say that? How can you know what I let him do to me and say that anyway? Don’t you see? I’m nothing but another man’s whore. I’m worthless…I’m a waste of space. I couldn’t even protect you.” he whispered desperation in his voice. Jensen wiped the tears from his cheek, and he didn’t flinch away this time, he just cried more tears.

“You are everything to me. Everything, Jared. Don’t let anyone say anything else. Everything I’ve said is the simple truth. You are all that, and nothing Morgan could do, or say, will ever change that. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met. To have the strength to fight back after all he did to you is more than most people would have been able to. You are a beautiful man, in every sense of the word; inside and outside. And I love you. Nothing could ever change that.” 

Jared’s eyes fell closed, and his face moved into Jensen’s caress as he started sobbing again, desperate, hopeless and broken, but he’d clearly registered what Jensen had said. 

“I tried…Jen…I tried…but you were right…I was too slow…he…” 

“I know, baby, I know. This never should’ve happened in the first place, and it’s my fault…not yours.” Carefully, he pulled Jared up a little, and into his arms. “Nothing of this is your fault. It’s mine. It’s my arrogance and stupidity. If I’d told the truth the chances of protecting you from this would have been so much better. I’m so sorry, Jay.” Jared clung to him, his face pressed tightly into his chest. 

“Please…just please, Jen…” Tears soaked Mike’s suit and shirt, and Jensen understood Jared without anymore words….make it go away… He wished he could take the pain away, could take away what had happened, and felt tears prickle in his own eyes, but he had to be strong. He was so thankful that Jared had let him close, let him give him some comfort. It no longer mattered how long they’d need until they were alright again. At least he knew now that they had a chance; Jared had a chance. That was all that mattered.

Jensen would stay with him, would help him to make the pain go away again. He knew the first steps along this path. If it was as a friend or a lover was another question for another time, but he would stay and be there for Jared.

Carefully, he helped him up from the bed and winced when Jared couldn’t stand on his own. He more or less carried him to the bathroom and stepped into the shower with him, after shedding his clothes down to his boxers. In there, he turned the water on to as hot as was bearable, and felt Jared relax a little in his arms, clutching to him like a lifeline. Jensen knew he was crying, and knew he had every right to do so too. 

He gave him time to get himself together before he started to clean him up, as cautiously as possible, being watchful of all the cuts and bruises that marred his skin. It seemed an eternity before they left the shower, the water getting slowly colder. Jensen wrapped Jared in the hard towels the motel had supplied and sat him down on the toilet seat lid. Jared was pliant and weak. His eyes were closed, and Jensen got down on his knees to see his face, to make him look at him. He wasn’t happy about the next necessary step. 

“I need to go to the car for the medical kit and clothes.” As he’d expected, Jared tensed instantly; eyes snapping to the closed bathroom door, fingers tightening around Jensen’s biceps. His fear of Morgan was deeply ingrained, and Jensen tried to convince him he was safe. “I know, baby, but he can’t do anything anymore. He’s cuffed to the radiator. I’m not sure he can move even if he wanted at the moment. I made sure of that. You’re safe.”

“I don’t want you to go away, Jen, please. I can’t even bear the thought with him next door. I…he…” Jared’s head sank onto Jensen’s shoulder, and he didn’t let go, fresh tears streaming over his cheeks. Jensen felt like breaking apart inside. How could I let this happen? I knew how fragile he was. I knew what Morgan would do to his psyche. Damn. God damn. Jensen made a snap decision, collected Mike’s probably ruined suit jacket from the floor, and laid it around Jared’s shoulders. He would do everything to make Jared at least a little comfortable.

It was just a few steps to the next room, then onto the porch and into complete darkness. They could do that.

“Come on…I’ll help you.” Jared stood up on shaky legs, firmly supported by Jensen’s arm around his waist and a lot of his weight on Jensen’s shoulders. Jensen made sure he didn’t have to look at Morgan when they went through the motel room. The lawyer still was out cold, probably good luck for him. Jensen didn’t know how he would react to another word from the bastard. 

He retrieved his lock picks from the small table next to the door, and helped Jared out of the room. He walked him over to the next room, made quick work of the lock there, and took him in. Thanks to some strange luck, the room had a completely different décor than the one they’d just left, even if it still smelled musty. He wanted to lead Jared to the bed, but Jared stalled, and so he brought him to the ugly blue couch.

“Can you stand on your own for a moment?” Jared’s hand searched for hold on the wall and he nodded. Jensen hurried over to the king sized bed, took the ugly bedspread off, and pulled the comforter over to the couch. He spread it out and made Jared sit down on it, before taking the suit jacked away and tugging the comforter tightly around him, to make him warm. “I’ll be back in a sec.” A nod was his only confirmation. 

He hurried outside, ran over to the Impala and drove it in front of the room he’d deposited Jared in. Then he rummaged through the trunk. He found his well stocked medical kit, and their clothes from their last training session, and ran back in. 

Jared sat stiffly on the couch. He obviously couldn’t get comfortable in this motel, not knowing that Morgan was in the next room. Jensen wasn’t really surprised by this. He went towards him a little more slowly, more deliberately, so as not to startle him. 

“Hey…think we should take care of you now?” Jared looked up at him, a deer caught in the headlights look on his face. He held the comforter tighter around his shoulders, and Jensen knew he was caught in his own headspace. He laid the medic kit and the clothes aside, sat down on the couch, and pulled him in his arms. At least Jared didn’t resist him. “Talk to me…tell me what’s on your mind. Let it out, baby!”

Jared pressed his face into his shoulder again.

“I can’t. I just can’t…”

“Jay…we said we could talk about anything. Please tell me what’s on your mind. You told me yourself, your mind plays havoc with you sometimes when you’re scared. Please let me help you.”

“Would it make sense if I never wanted to think about it again?”

“Lots…but do you think that would help?” Jensen just felt Jared’s head shake, and then he started talking. Thank God was all Jensen could think in that moment.

 

Jared stared out of the window. Jensen was in the other motel room, making sure JD was still cuffed and secure, and he had a minute to himself. He felt dead tired, but unable to close his eyes. Every time he did so, he saw Jensen dead on the ground again, and he couldn’t bear that picture anymore. 

It had been terrible before, but it was just cruel now. The thought of losing Jensen shook his whole existence. 

Jensen had taken care of everything. He had patched up his injuries, fed him painkillers, given him clothes. He hadn’t even said anything when Jared chose to wear his work out t-shirt, instead of his own. He was just perfect. 

Jared didn’t want to think about the secret that had been so cruelly revealed by JD. He wasn’t sure he could bear that right now. He just wanted Jensen, without thinking about it too much, because Jensen was there. And he was a safe haven for Jared. 

Nothing much felt safe for him at the moment. The motel seemed a constant threat, being alone was a threat, knowing JD was over there was a threat, even when he was cuffed and had had the shit beaten out of him. Now he’d had time to think, Jared had no idea how to face life again. 

He stood up slowly, his whole body aching once more from JD’s abuse, but he couldn’t sit there without Jensen. He resented everything around him, except Jen, and he couldn’t stay in there alone any longer. 

The closest thing to Jensen was in front of the door, and Jared knew Jen had a blanket in the trunk of the Impala. That would be enough to help him to stay warm for the moment. He took the keys for the car from the table and went outside, determined to find the only place he could feel safe without Jensen, at least for the short time Jensen wasn’t next to him. 

He heard him talking on the phone in the room next door, as he took the blanket from the trunk and then climbed in the passenger side of the Impala, wrapping the blanket around him as he searched for a position that hurt him a little less. 

Finally he was settled, a quiet sight escaping his lips as he stared at the horizon, where the first rays of the sun filtered through the grey of dawn. The storm was gone. It seemed it was going to be a bright day. Jared tried to resent the weather, like he resented everything at the moment, but it didn’t work. He felt numb by now, numb and tired. 

There was a new dawn arising, but he didn’t want to deal with that now, and so he closed his eyes, hoping he could keep his mind at bay. The Impala finally did what the motel hadn’t been able to. He could calm down. And so Jared fell finally asleep, no longer seeing Jensen dead in front of him.

 

Jensen almost had a heart attack when he got back to the room and found Jared gone, but jumping back outside calmed him instantly. Seeing Jared asleep in the Impala brought the first genuine smile to his face since this whole mess had begun. Jensen had been insistent that Jared needed sleep, but it had been obvious he just wouldn’t be able to sleep in the motel. The tension had never left his body, and Jensen had become more worried by the minute. He had known Jared was suffering from shock, and he’d started to fear that they needed to go to a hospital. 

He didn’t even want to think about Jared’s reaction on such a suggestion. Jared was pliant and calm, as long as Jensen was with him, but he got obstinate as soon it came to dealing with other people, even on a theoretical level.

Jensen had told him everything that had happened. He had reassured him that JD would be out of commission for a long time, if not for the rest of his life. Jared had been speechless when he realized he’d lived with a murderer, probably for years. 

At the moment Jared was resisting having to deal with anyone. He’d outright refused to testify about anything. Jensen had shelved the matter for now. 

He was just relieved Went’s unit was almost here. He wanted nothing more than to hand the responsibility for Morgan over to them. The lawyer was awake again, but he seemed too shocked about the fact he’d been found out and dismissed, and didn’t talk. Jensen was just thankful for that. He didn’t want to deal with him anymore than was necessary. 

Chris was in Miami. He’d talked to him on the phone too. He and his team were waiting for Went and his people to arrive back. Chris wanted to see him, but Jensen wasn’t sure he could manage that. His first priority, at the moment, was Jared. 

He was just happy Jay had talked to him and let some of the pain out. It had shocked him to realize that his own death had been the most horrifying experience for Jared. He was obviously able to deal with Morgan’s cruelty, but seeing Jensen die had kind of broken him. He knew they had to work this out. In his opinion, Jared needed professional counselling, but they would deal with that later. 

For now, he had to wait for the authorities, and then he would take Jared as far away from this place as possible, giving him back a feeling of safety.

When he climbed in the car, Jared awoke with a start.

“It’s just me.” He saw him relax again. “How’re you feeling?” Jared slumped in the seat, gripping the blanket tightly, and stared out of the window. 

“Don’t know…tired…numb.” Jensen wasn’t surprised at that. 

“Sorry I woke you. Try to sleep some more.” He expected Jared to close his eyes again, but he didn’t. After some minutes silence, it was Jared who started speaking again. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me the truth?” Jared’s voice was quiet, but Jensen heard the hurt. He was surprised that Jared had asked the question now. So far, he’d had the impression that Jared was refusing to deal. He’d been almost happy that the question hadn’t arisen, as it was the conversation he feared most. Back then, when he’d first found Jared, his reasoning had seemed so right, but now all that was all gone. 

Jensen stared out of his own window for some time before he made up his mind.

“What would you have done, if I’d told you then that Morgan had sent me to bring you back to Vancouver?” It was the crucial point. He knew his own reasons for not speaking up, he even knew Mike had agreed with him, but what if Jared thought otherwise? “Just ask yourself that question, and please answer me honestly. What would you have done?” Jared slumped even more in the passenger seat. His fingers tightened a little more on the blanket. It seemed an eternity until he answered. 

“I would have run again.” His confession was almost inaudible. 

At that moment Jensen thanked all the gods. Jared’s answer had made him hope he understood Jensen’s reasons. If Jared did understand his reasoning, it at least partly took away some of the pressure on his conscience. His mood improved immensely, considering the situation, and he had to reign himself back in. There were other problems, no matter how happy he was that Jared agreed with him on this. 

“Do you understand why then? I know it was wrong. I know I should have at least kept my distance, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. You…it’s…I don’t know what to say. I just love you so much that it hurts to think about what I did wrong. I never wanted to hurt you like this, Jared, never.” Jared looked over and their eyes met.

“I know.”

 

And he did. He knew Jensen hadn’t wanted to hurt him, even if he had manoeuvred himself into a position where it had been unavoidable. But it was a vicious circle. Jared definitely knew he would have run the moment JD’s name popped up in the conversation, no matter whether Jensen planned to go through with his task, or not. The fact that JD knew about Jensen would have scared him to death alone. 

Jensen would never have had a chance to protect him. There was still the question whether JD would’ve found him otherwise, but he would never find the answer to that. He just had to look at the things as they were. 

And look he did.

All the things he’d thought about came back to his mind. All the things he’d realized about Jensen, the comparisons he’d made between him and JD from the moment he’d become conscious he was attracted to him. He had known Jensen had carried a secret, and he’d felt it would be something he wouldn’t like. 

But there had been something he could see clearly once more; Jensen cared. Jensen cared more about him than anyone ever had. 

Jared knew he was starved for love, for someone who was able to take him as he was, and love him anyway. Jensen had done exactly that, and no matter how much Jared tried, he couldn’t judge he’d had any bad intentions, but he had to ask himself if accepting Jared as he was, no matter what, could be the reason he wanted so much to forgive him this lie. 

He tried to distance himself, tried to look from someone else’s point of view. 

Why have I fallen in love with him? Jared knew the answer to that question. Jensen had given him everything he’d ever dreamed of; without asking for anything in return. All he had asked for was his trust. And he had trusted him against his better judgement, knowing there were things Jensen wasn’t telling. Jensen had even admitted there were things he hadn’t wanted to talk about. Jared knew now that it had been his mission to find him he hadn’t wanted to talk about.

It was a kind of a big breach in trust, but the reasons for it were clear. 

Would he still be able to trust Jensen? The answer to that was a screaming ‘YES’. There was no doubt about that, not after all that had happened tonight. Jared hadn’t resented Jensen’s touch, not for long. He had let him help and take care of him. Even when his conscious mind had no answer to his questions, his subconscious had them. He trusted Jensen with all his heart. It didn’t matter why. It just mattered that he was able to. 

Jensen had proven his intentions more than enough. What ever he had done, he had done it to help and protect him. It had gone awry, but Jensen was probably the only person that resented that fact almost as much as he did, at least considering the morose expression on his face. 

Jared felt a faint smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He didn’t have it in him to let it grow, but he could reassure Jensen. That much he knew. Once more his lover had done everything as he thought he, Jared, would want it. 

Jared carefully slid closer to him and snuggled against his body. He saw Jensen’s surprise, but he didn’t say anything on the matter.

“When do you think your buddies will be here?” He asked, almost incidentally, deliberately changing the topic. 

“They’re not my buddies.” Jensen answered indignantly.

“Doesn’t matter. They’ve come to help…I still can’t believe Went is with the Bureau.” Jensen’s arm slid gently around his shoulders, and he snuggled closer. This was the place where he belonged.

“Tell me about it. Guess they’ll be here soon.” Jared closed his eyes. Sooner or later didn’t matter anymore. He’d had found his safe place. 

 

When he woke up again, they were moving. How Jensen had managed to not wake him again would remain a mystery to him, but obviously he had. He was once again leant against his warm body, the blanket still around his shoulders. 

“Hey…you alright?” Jensen obviously had realized he was awake too. Jared managed a weak smile this time. He couldn’t count how many times Jensen had asked him that question during the night.

“I’m really curious as to when you’ll stop asking me that.” He carefully straightened a little, to avoid the aches and twinges in his battered body. Jensen smiled faintly at his reaction. 

“The day will come…believe me.” He said then and Jared knew he was right. He could trust Jensen.

“Where are we?”

“Close to Fort Myers. You slept awhile.”

“They didn’t even try to question me?” Jensen’s expression took on a glare, and Jared instantly had an idea why no one had tried to question him. 

“I’ll meet Went in Miami in the few next days.” He avoided answering the question, and Jared instinctively knew what he’d tried to do.” He looked at the highway ahead. 

“You know, Jen…you said something that made me think about testifying…Okay…I won’t testify about the things that happened in my marriage, but I will not let get JD away with what he did to you.” Jared could feel Jensen’s intense gaze focussed on him, even though he had to drive. 

He felt a blush creep into his cheeks and stubbornly stared straight ahead before continuing. “You said I was strong enough to get over the past…You were right then, and this is something that hasn’t changed. I am strong enough.” And with that said, he looked over at Jen, who was trying to divert his attention between him and the highway. A few seconds later, the Impala bumped to a halt on the verge, and Jared felt himself pulled tightly into Jensen’s arms. 

“Do you have any idea how much I wish you didn’t have to?” Jared’s arms circled Jensen’s waist, relishing the sensation of being so close to him.

“I think, I do…But I am, Jen, I am strong enough.” And he knew he was, thanks to the man that had been supposed to hunt him down and bring him back to hell, but had decided, on the spur of the moment, not to do so. 

The smile that spread on Jared’s face was genuine and bright, even though he knew Jensen couldn’t see it. I am strong enough, Jen. Thanks to you.

 

~fin~


End file.
